SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For all of us who need to stick to NC - Post your letters to your WS, OP, or whoever, or do your venting here. I need a place to do it. Hope this can help others.

Great idea to make a sticky. This will be cathartic for both posters & readers, imo.

Today:

I miss you in my kitchen. Outside having lunch. I want to call you to go for a walk. I'm so sad I want to die. But I know any contact with you is just infinite hurt.

I'm scared for my future. I worry about all the other jerks out there. I'm 45. It's so hard to meet people, especially someone you like. Why did you fuck up this unique chance we had. I gave you my life. You had no idea, no concept and never will. Your whole idea of relating to another human being is on another planet from mine. I cannot relate to you and it has nothing to do with your sad past. It has to do with your complete lack of ethics and the way your mind works. You will never change. Fuck you with your reptile brain and shifty blue eyes. Fuck you you psycho.

I need to make this finite. That is my mantra right now. Make it finite. It's been endless, repeated torment for 9 months now. Make it finite.

In answer to his "formal notice" email (see my thread posted yesterday) threatening court action because people know he's an asshole....

"Get a life you delusional piece of crap. Do you really need to create drama where there is none just to keep your miserable life interesting? Good luck with that! Is the fallout from your poor decisions and reality of who you really are not what you had planned??

Aww - too bad so sad! When did you turn into such a whiny creep? Let me guess...3 months of paying support starting to get to you?"

Thanks....I feel a lot better now!

Seriously?! You and your gf come all the way to DS's Jazz Band Concert, and don't spend any time with him? No ice cream after? Whatever. DS and I went home and had cake. Pbbbbth!

You are such a sperm donor popping in a few hours once a week like you're some prize to your kids. Twisted mind. You do no parenting and when you do your token phone call once a day it's almost always during homework, dinner, activity, or an intervention of discipline. It's called parenting. Something you don't do. You think it's all fun and games. I do it all alone while you ran off to be with the devil 19 years younger. You sick twisted ass. I know all you've done but I have to keep my mouth shut during the divorce to not let you know that I know in case we go to trial. The regret I have is for my kids and that I picked you to be their father. I'm forever sorry to them for that.

[This message edited by HeBrokeVows at 9:24 AM, December 5th (Saturday)]

I'm not sure why you bothered having kids with me. You have no real regard for them. You care about them only as much as they make you look good. The kids hate visiting you; every week, at least one child cries or expresses anger over having to leave my home full of love and warmth for yours that is all about your Owife and what she wants. She is detached and cold toward her own children; she is not any sort of a positive role model for our children. I think that if I told you that you no longer had to pay child support as long as the kids were no longer forced to visit you, you would be totally okay with that because you care about money and image more than anything.

You are a spoiled, soulless little man-child. If our children end up happy and successful some day, it will be because of ME.

You bastard. It is now a long weekend and I know how alone you're feeling. What will you do? I know you're missing me. I'm missing the good things too. I'll meet up with friends, and get back to myself.

You, on the other hand, will sign up to one of your shitty websites and use the next woman, the one after that and all the other ones after her like inflatable dolls. You lied to me when you met me. I thought you respected women. You couldn't even give your gorilla AP an orgasm because you didn't care enough. All your spiel about pleasuring your partners. People, not just women, are objects for you. I was an object of a different sort, one you just couldn't handle and had to destroy, because I asserted myself too much. The women who put up with you are weak, like to be dominated, and put up with your shit because they know no better. You are weak and need to weaken the person by your side. You have no idea of what human relationships are about. I wish you read and were curious enough to search me out here and read all this, you bastard.

The only thing I feel satisfied about is that I know your new "friend" won't even have lasted until now. You'll have tried to fuck her like an object and found yourself comparing the experience to me. It will have been little better, or worse than masturbating for you. I know this. I know it can't compare with me. You'll have dumped her and will dump most of the women you come across because you CAN'T RELATE. You can't relate all the parts of yourself, you don't want to know yourself, you can't relate things in the world, you can't relate to other people, you can't relate to women, you have no friends and are thought of as a manipulator, or by those male admirers who get taken in by you, as the one who gets all the women. How fascinating. I hate your guts and don't know how you took me in for so long. You sad bastard. I was the only one who got into your heart and that is why you had to destroy me. You couldn't make it last, you just couldn't. You destroy me like your father destroyed your mother. You needed to kill me. But you will never admit to your aggression. Oh, no, you loved me and only wanted the best for me. Fuck you, forever.

I miss you. I am so sorry again and forever. It has been harder for me lately so I am worried that is harder for you too. I hope you are doing okay. I know that I don't get to be a part of your life anymore and I know that it is my fault. I chose this, right? I feel like I'm not allowed to grieve and I'm not allowed to miss you, but I do. I miss my best friend. I miss our home. I miss you, my love. I wish I could call you that again: my love. I'm so sorry. The last time we spoke you told me you try not to think about me and what might have been. I'm trying to do that too, but today it's hard. I'm sad, but also sad for you. I hope you are finding peace and new happiness.

I can't get the sound of her out of my head. I don't know if I want you or if I don't you to have anyone else. I feel like I've wasted 21 years of my life, except for our children.

I have so many unanswered questions that I can't bother asking because you will simply lie. I wish we could at least be friends, I wish I felt something for you. You're the father of my children and I feel ..... nothing. But the thought of you with someone else kills me.

I hate that your utter selfishness has managed to impact every aspect of my life. Tonight I had a lovely dinner with wonderful people but came home and cried my eyes out for the next hour b/c all I could think about was the restaurant we were in was one you took the ow to. I hate that you could just compartmentalize so easily as to forget about me while you dated, wooed, complimented and fucked her but I can't even compartmentalize enough to enjoy a night out. I hate you.

I watched George Baily and it's a Wonderful Life. Remember when I thought you were George? Upstanding, trusted, and that you Loved me.

Now I know why all those years watching that movie I wanted you to be George. You were always wrestling with secret demons. I didn't know why or what. but I knew you were off to a different place. Now I know you were in your secret cheater world. Even when I found out, I prayed that you would wake up and see it's a Wonderful LIfe. But you didn't. The exact opposite occured and you decided that you found a wonderful life somewhere else. You never realized WE HAD A WONDERFUL LIFE!!

Go fuck yourself to death you stupid, selfish, abusive, lying, thieving, narcissistic, manipulative, deadbeat, greedy, adulterous piece of shit. Drop out of our lives forever. I hate you, and even worse, our children are indifferent to you. They do not care that you don't show up. They do not care that you don't ever call them. They do not care you don't go to their ball games, their dance recitals, their schools plays. They are happy when you cancel your visitation because they do not have to leave the warmth, safety and love of our happy home.

You lose. You lose. You don't even realize what you gave up. You threw away a beautiful family for what? A woman who'd step out on her own marriage vows and had no problem pursuing you while I was pregnant with your son. You. Lose.

[This message edited by SheDontLookBack at 11:36 PM, December 5th (Saturday)]

Was just going to look on his facebook but came here instead. Big star for me ****

DON'T GO THERE OPINIONSP.

It is sad reading all of these posts. Sending hugs and support to everyone. So sad these ruined lives and these people who have trashed us.

I know you loved me more then your own children and are devastated to be losing me. I know that. But, I still have to live with the pain that your A caused me. I know that you are mystified by my divorcing you over continuing to have contact with OW during our year of R. You keep saying that I could see that you weren't in love with her (in fact I could see that you were beginning to find her a pain in the ass) and that you weren't going to run off with her suddenly. But you can't' see, no matter how many bloody times I've explained it, what that contact would mean to me. How lying to me and manipulating me during a time of R would be unbearable. And because you can't see it from my point of view (not now, and probably ever) I'm divorcing you. I don't think you've made a good decision for yourself in years. I don't know how your professional life is sustainable but maybe that's the only area of your life where your judgement is sound. You never thought of me or the children when you broke NC repeatedly for a deeply delusional belief that you wouldn't get caught and that you "owed her help" because of the A. If she was the love of your life then I could almost understand all of this. As it is, I'm the love of your life and this will always be a mystery to me. And if I don't count enough to be treated right, then God help the next Mrs BrokenheartedUK. If you had agreed to therapy and really did the work on yourself to figure out how and why you blew up your life over such a stupid relationship then we might have had a chance. But you wouldn't agree to go and you never could figure your own shit out. And I'm so sad about that for you. And me and the kids. Remember us? When I confronted you about having why you continued contact with the OW, you screamed at me that her H was the real victim. And then you added after a moment of stunned silence, and you and the children. I will never forget that. Never.

I accept that you are an emotionally retarded person and you gave me as much as you could to me if not more then anyone else. But it's not good enough for me anymore. I don't honestly know why I put up with it as long as I did but in the end, you made it so clear what I had to do and in a weird way, I'd like to thank you for that. The truth does set you free. And I'm free.

[This message edited by BrokenheartedUK at 4:27 AM, December 6th (Sunday)]

No contact, no contact, no contact!!!

"Sigh."

It's hard to not reach out to you.

The last words I've heard from you were "I'm divorcing you."

That was it, no explanation, no fuck off & die, I hate you, get out of my life, just "I'm divorcing you."

Who does that to another person, who walks away from their marriage thousands of miles away, without so much a backward glance, literally abandoning their spouse in a state that is not their home.

When do you get to face the consequences of your actions?

When do you get to feel as if your heart can't beat any faster from the stress of losing your marriage?

I hope that somewhere, deep down inside of you, you feel a pang of regret for what you've done.

That there is some guilt inside of you.

But I'll never know since you stopped talking to me the day you told me you were divorcing me.

I hope one day I can find love again, I want to be with another person, I like the closeness of being with someone, the intimacy of sharing a life together.

But please God, just don't let me find another asshole.

[This message edited by Phenix70 at 4:33 AM, December 6th (Sunday)]

Phoenix77's Prayer.

But please God, just don't let me find another asshole.

I think that should be every woman's prayer or maybe it should just be "Don't let me fall in love with an asshole.

The majority of us men are not assholes except emotionally.

Most of us try to be good providers as far as money goes, most of us love you and seriously would do anything for you that we are capable of.

We just are not good emotionally and we lack empathy. (please look that word up and don't apply your definition).

Take the time to read how the average guy is brought up to not be a baby. Show emotions.

It closes us off.

In all probability you are all married to emotional assholes.

Some of us come to understand that given time. I was a pretty good husband but I was an emotional asshole until I was 60.

If you want a good relationship, then help your husband or boyfriend become an empathetic person.

If you can't do this then start looking for men that are at least 50, just maybe they have looked at what they have been lacking and have become better people.

Good Luck everyone.

I've been keeping busy, working and actually having some fun.

But sometimes I still miss you. More often than not, you're my last thought before I fall asleep and/or my first thought when I wake up.

I loved you, cherished you, thought we were "forever".

You betrayed me, lied to me, gutted me.

What an ego boost for OW - to get a man in a long-term committed relationship to leave his woman for her. I will always believe her main goal was to get you to leave me for her. And you did. To her it might have been a competition, but to me it was my life - OUR life, yours and mine.

I wonder if you ever think about us and admit to yourself that what we had was damn good. I wonder if you have looked at yourself honestly (it would be the first time!) to see the issues that need to be addressed. I wonder if you have started to see OW for what she really is.

I'll never know.

You two deserve each other. You are both broken, empty souls.

I deserve better than you. My head knows, but my heart still hangs on to you. And I hate that.

[This message edited by DeeplyCrushed at 5:25 PM, December 6th (Sunday)]

^^^yep this!!

Nevermind. Not worth it.