SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What stupid things did your spouse say or do that gave themselves away?

Mine became super attached to his phone, if he had behaved normally and left it around I never would have noticed but he had to take it everywhere. He even got out of the shower one time to ask me what I was doing because I happened to be standing near his phone.

What really gave him away was when I returned from the zoo one day and went to the playroom to feed the baby while the big kids ate dinner with him at the table. Once he realized where I was going to jumped up and practically shoved me and the baby over so he could get to his phone that was charging in the playroom.

That prompted me to steal his phone, which showed he had no message to AP even though I knew she was one of his friends. I also noticed he had no messages to his best friend and there should have been years of messages. Apparently he wiped them everyday so I wouldn't find them.

So for me an absence of proof and the textbook phone possessiveness gave him away (I mean really how stupidly obvious is that).

He turned off his find my iPhone off while in a state I’ve never been to, while staying in his hotel for work. She drove the 7 hours each way to fuck. Then didn’t turn it back on

I’ll always check to see how long his drive is when he leaves. I did and it was off. He told me he turned it off to do a software update. I said that’s not how it works.

I’m not sure why he thought turning it off was a good idea, it’s not a video or sound recorder, it’s a map.

Weird part is I asked him last week, how did you hide this for years, he said by never obsessively looking at my phone and not thinking about any of it when I was with you. Yet he Was that stupid in one day

[This message edited by Smjsome1 at 6:16 PM, November 6th (Monday)]

Honestly it is difficult to say when dealing with 3x betrayed with gas lighting and rug sweeping. But in the end it would be easy for me to say the messaging to the opposite sex with sudden veracity and secrecy. But in all honesty if I examine what truly led me to suspicion was the disconnect from the real world and lack of interaction with those around her. She just turned off the interaction with family and friends. But of course this magnified the interaction with her AP in my mind.

Of course the 1000s of text messages but only maybe 200-300 on her phone led me to suspect she was deleting messages .... DUH!!!!

[This message edited by sneaker at 6:23 PM, November 6th (Monday)]

My H did nothing stupid to tip me off about A.

But after he came home and told me about it one night - he also told me it was just a minor flirtation and an EA.

He went away for a week and left his iPad at home. I borrowed it and saw it was more than a minor flirtation.

Birthday cards and emails etc. nothing sexy or anything with I ❤️ you BUT way past the innocent flirtation stage.

Idiot!!

The1stWife

My husband thinks I'm too stupid to know how to send his text messages to the iPad. He still doesn't realize I've been able to read their chat for months. I got to read all the lies he feed her and knew exactly where he was and what he was doing before I confronted him. It was one of the things that helped me not fall for his bullshit when DDay happened. Now I get to read about all the presents he buys her even though he says he doesn't.

Left a receipt for a present she sent him in our luggage. She bought him a souvenir on our family vacation, matching tshirts

My ex always hated that people would text each other instead of call on the phone. When he got involved in the affair, he took over my old smartphone, and OMG, his phone started pinging with texts every five minutes. He would look at his phone and tell me he had to go take care of something...like I was to stupid to know that he was going to answer Whoreforall.

There are a LOT of other things they did, but, too much to list here. I just can't get over how stupid they think we are.

Nothing obvious. He was sneaky and cold hearted. Now I know what to look for but a person would have to be looking.

Not deleting the dribble apology email she sent him....or the video she sent him of her. She even admitted to me that had I asked to see her email before Dday, she would have let me and I could have found it easily. She said she wasn't very tech savvy, but she remembered to delete all the texts messages though. Technology has made it easier to cheat and easier to get caught!

[This message edited by Jameson1977 at 8:42 PM, November 6th (Monday)]

Hmm interesting how the majority involved phones or technology, I guess it's a cliche for a reason.

I always thought phones would make affairs easier to hide, after all snap chat leaves no trace. But maybe it's so easy to use phones that people get overly paranoid and end up giving themselves away.

Living on her phone and then asking me to fix it as the wifi kept cutting out. And when I asked for her phone to fix it, she quickly closed several cheater apps like KIK and deleted messages before handing it over.

That set me off, well she deleted her current AP messages but didn't delete her other friends message thread. The one with all the sordid details of what she was doing and D*** pictures AP sent. Quick forensic search of the phone undeleted messages and pictures ( I have digital forensic training so was a easy matter to recover).

Denied, denied, denied, I threw one piece of evidence after another at her while still denying any more wrongdoing until next piece of evidence hit her. Gave her unlimited chances to come clean, didn't. And she started up again with the next AP within 3 months, not even caring to hide it anymore and was extremely toxic.

Left her laptop open to her Facebook page to an ongoing chat with her ex! I knew they chatted occasionally, but expected to read family gossip about how messed up her mom and sister were . . . not "I miss you," "Me too," "I love you," "Me too," "It was nice to kiss your mouth again," and "Your skin felt so nice."

That was D-day. As I began to research bank records and telephone logs, I was dumbfounded that she was so sure I would never find out! I set up her online banking, and the phone calls . . . !!!

And then the lying and TT after D-day . . . little did she know they were dead giveaways that I was getting close to the truth every time she changed her story, blame-shifted, deflected, or gas-lit.

Mine is very old and very old fashioned (no technology involved).

A friend of mine (decades ago) lost a gold bracelet in my car. I looked for it but did not find it (as my xDH had already found it).

He assumed that his side piece had lost this expensive piece of jewelry and being the utter ahole that he was (still is) did not return it to his AP, but decided to keep it and gift it to me for a Christmas present.

I immediately recognized the bracelet and put the pieces together. I permanently removed him from my life and have often regaled people with this story of his stupidity. He still adamantly denies it to this day. Which makes him look even more like the ahole he is.

There were a lot, especially the phone. One morning he left it out, I looked at it and there was a text about tequila sent at 2am (he’d been home) from a female coworker. I had questioned him for a while about gut feelings. I put the phone back, and when he got up, he saw it, erased the text and said good morning to me. So I asked him right then and there how he felt about an unprofessional text on a Friday night from his subordinate. He stammered and told me I didn’t understand. And that he hadn’t erased anything.

His behaviour was so stupid and nothing added up. There were more, but this one cracked it open.

Just Google the top 20 signs that your spouse is cheating on you. Mine had them all.

But they obviously couldn't apply to my good upstanding Christian wife...

My stupid FWH forgot I had to log into the mobile account to pay the bills. 800 calls per month to one number - a mutual friend - was a bit of a giveaway. A fake job trial on new years day then moving in with her as a lodger, 200+ miles away for a new job as none in our area! Treating me like dirt and talking to me like dirt through the affair. Driving home one night to accuse ME of cheating then driving all the way back again! Yeah I knew it was happening, decided if that was what he wanted he could have the moral less skank but I would play the game taking some of his wages along the way to make sure I was not in financial shit when it went down. In reality he begged me if he could jack his new job in and come home, said he'd made the worst mistake of his life. Kept saying the job not the skank. Did not own his mess until I put the viagra in front of him. Even then it took 3 days. By this time I'd already been to a solicitor. That made him wake up and smell the roses.

Although in R now I truly thought I was done when he moved in with her (came home weekends for more cake to eat). I never called it then as I hadmy practical, bill paying head on. Seriously. Not any more. Even though I knew where and what he was doing the final admittance still tore me apart and I realised I still loved the POS!

She got a new phone, left the old one in my car. Never looked before, she never acted suspicious with it. I was having lunch in my car one day, and just decided to look, for no reason at all. She had deleted most, but strangely not all messages to an old boyfriend. They weren’t romantic messages, but obviously something she wouldn’t have appreciated me doing. We had a fight, and moved on.

A few months later, she pretended to not know the password to the mobile account when I was trying to log on. Given the events from a few months before, I finally looked for real.

Perhaps my WH's biggest mistake was that he had to sleep, that left his phone unguarded. This led me to being able to connect messenger to the iPad.

There was a week before I confronted him when I thought he was getting suspicious I knew. I had a very vivid dream one night he was walking around the bedroom at two in the morning looking for something. I still believe he was trying to find my phone to see if I had been talking to my friends about it. Unfortunately for him I had taken to hiding my phone under the diaper box and he would never had looked there

I was way to trusting and missed a lot of obvious signs. But on DDay I pulled up to the hospital where she works to get my debit card from my WW. Her car wasn't in the normal parking area. When I texted to ask where her car was, instead of coming up with a clever lie, she said it is parked at the front of the building. Of course it wasn't and tings took off from there.

I wife forgot to delete emails she wrote to her friend as they discussed the affairs she has had. That is what I confronted her with.