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Reconciliation :
10,000th Post, It’s a Journey

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 Skan (original poster member #35812) posted at 11:31 PM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017

Well, what a long, strange journey this has been since June 10, 2012. I’ve recently looked back to my very first post, and Brandon808 was the first person who “talked” to me. Two days later, lillies21 came onto the board. On the 13th, we saw our MC, and at our second session with him, the fact that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder was disclosed. I’d only told two other people in my entire life that, and neither has been a part of my life for decades. On my post about going to the MC, I met SerJR. As I scrolled down the lists of old posts, I see so many names of people who reached out to me. People who have come and gone. People who are still here. People who drop in occasionally. A chain of people, a community, who extended their hands to yet another human in pain. Virtual holding of hands, passing of tissues, upheld hands saying yeah, I feel/felt that way too. People holding other people up, and being held up.

I scroll through the years of posts, and I see the high spots and the low spots in the quest for reconciliation. Many, many low spots in the beginning, then a trickle of better spots, up and down, round and round, bottoming out, pulling up a bit, and then steadily climbing upwards. Going from IHS and having divorce papers, to supporting each other through separate cancer scares, and him finally, finally, giving up his desperate *need* for porn and climbing out of that hole, pun intended. Dedicating ourselves to planning on retirement together, selling our big house and purchasing/remodeling our retirement home. Planning our vow renewal and on a foggy June morning, standing on the beach with our oldest friends recommitting ourselves back to each other. Sitting today, MrSkan (with kitty assistance) reading the paper, while I’m typing here.

I look also and see my opening up on SI. Developing relationships with posters who call to me. Welcoming them, commiserating with them, laughing with them privately, pouring out my needs and listening to theirs. Meeting some of them in person. Saying goodbye, when they feel that it’s time for them to go. Taking chances on SI that I would not/have not taken in real life. Coming out to all of you about the DID, and receiving both support and some really good questions about what that experience feels like. (BTW, that WAS going to be my 10,000th post. Guess it was premature Post-jectulation! ) Being approached to be a Guide (and I am still amazed that the server didn’t get hit by a bolt of lightning there). Having the full encouragement of MrSkan to go for it. And getting invited into The Ditch wherein the Guides lurk.

I owe SI a huge debt of gratitude. I don’t think that I would be where I am today, without it. Yeah, I know I would have survived. No doubt about that. But would I have been where I am, today? Doubt it. I’ve often said that SI is a well in the endless desert, filled with water to nourish the body and soul. All you need do is dip the bucket in and drink until you’re filled. It’s free for the taking you can take as much or little as you want.

Drink deeply, and be nourished.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8022368
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 11:49 PM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017

Congrats on so much more than just your 10,000th post!!

But that is awesome, too!!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8022378
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( member #29447) posted at 11:51 PM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017

Beautiful Skan.

It's amazing to see how far you have come from that very first post, isn't it?

10,000 is a whole lot that you have given to this amazing community!

Thank you for all you do!

If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 16686   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Anywhere and everywhere
id 8022379
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 12:02 AM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

Very cool update Skan.

And thanks for staying for 10,000 posts to share your experiences!

Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4890   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8022389
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Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 12:04 AM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

10,000 post !

Goodness!

*Dorothy bows down to Skan !"

"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.

posts: 5583   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2016   ·   location: a happy place
id 8022392
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 12:10 AM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

Glad you're here with us Skan!

I never for a second doubted you would get to 10k posts. Skary Skan, who chews on buttlets, carries a castration device, and taught me the meaning of barking spider is an unstoppable force of... well not nature, but something else to be sure.

I want you to know the help you've provided me personally and that I've seen you provide to others along the way is a great thing. I won't say a good thing though, because if I had to peg you on the scale of good vs evil, I wouldn't want to risk you taking offense. You see, I value my testicles.

I'd say more soft and fluffy heartwarming things about how great you are but it'd be like trying to put arm floaties on a tank. The tank isn't stopping and it sure as hell doesn't need me to build it up.

Thank again for all that you do and all your hard work. Please don't shoot me.

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 11:23 AM, November 14th (Tuesday)]

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

posts: 13534   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Washington State
id 8022399
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sunwillshine ( member #47200) posted at 3:20 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

many thanks!

D-day 2/12/15
5 DD (3 his, 2 mine) all grown
married 9/97 together 8/94.
Moved back in 5/30/16 working on R

posts: 1136   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2015
id 8022786
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:25 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31127   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8022791
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thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 3:42 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

10,000 posts tells me that either you're truly a super SI hero, or, need to get a life.

I am 110% positive it's the former.

Congrats!

ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4480   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8022806
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 3:46 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

Skan, you're awesome.

I'm also overwhelmed by the incredible support and guidance I've received from SI members. Some of these members have been there for me for over two years, answering thread after thread, through every crazy turn and twist on this journey from heart break to R to healing and beyond.

Thank you for all you've done to help me and for your dedication to SI.

Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown

posts: 6747   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8022809
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hopefulkate ( member #47752) posted at 6:07 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

Thank you for your support and for sharing! I have GREATLY benefited from your bravery in sharing your path with DID. It has helped me tremendously, and just say - wow, that is one super awesome lady!!

Yes...I am a wordsmith.

posts: 1814   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 8022941
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shellbean ( member #56536) posted at 7:12 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

Thank you for your posts; for your insight. Thank you for working on SI to help so many desperate souls.

Together 29 years, M 20 years
Dday1 11/3/16 Dday2 11/1/17
PA '96-'98, PA Aug.'15-Nov.'16 Same AP
EA '09-'11
We are reconciled and doing well

posts: 1174   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2016   ·   location: Michigan
id 8023021
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SerJR ( member #14993) posted at 11:09 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017

What a weird, wild, and wonderful journey, isn't it?

And when you look back, you can see how much crazier, how much darker, and how much better it really was, all at the same time.

And the most amazing thing about it all... is finding out who we truly are capable of growing to be.

You're an inspiration to all of us... and you deserve to be where you are today.

Thank you sincerely for everything you do here.

Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

posts: 18630   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2007   ·   location: Further North than South
id 8023217
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 5:23 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

I can't imagine 10,000 posts. that's crazy.

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

posts: 13534   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Washington State
id 8023707
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Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 5:27 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

NTV, you are just three post away from 10,000!

"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.

posts: 5583   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2016   ·   location: a happy place
id 8023711
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 6:39 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

He's afew posts shy of a full deck, too.

Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown

posts: 6747   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8023783
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somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 12:40 AM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017

..Congratulations Skan

10000 IS quite a milestone

I wonder how many members have reached that many posts since the beginning? A very select group out of 60000 plus members.

Keep up the good work Skan. You rock!

smy

trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!

posts: 6080   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Ontario Canada
id 8024124
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tiredofcrying59 ( member #56180) posted at 5:06 AM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017

You've always been very encouraging today, and I appreciate it. Thank you!

BW
Me-59
Him-57
M-33 yrs, not that I "celebrate" it
D-day-10/30/16 2mo.PA w/COW attempting R

new news- like a 5 year A w/COW, no longer attempting R. What am I, an idiot?

Getting on with life, without him.

posts: 1273   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2016
id 8024322
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 11:39 PM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017

hey skan, can I borrow some posts?

Unhinged seems to think I'm coming up short....

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 7:09 PM, November 15th (Wednesday)]

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

posts: 13534   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Washington State
id 8024998
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 Skan (original poster member #35812) posted at 1:41 AM on Thursday, November 16th, 2017

SerJr, you're one of the voices that I listen to, when words are spoken. Thank you so much for sticking around and being a beacon of light in the darkness.

thatbpguy, what life?

Kate, little soul-sister, much love and many glasses of whine to you! Oops, er, wine. Yeah, that's the ticket, wine. Give YouMe a fist bump of solidarity from me, eh?

NTV, your humor makes it almost, almost, worth overlooking the PigPen-like stench that charges around you, like an overactive litter of catlings, strung out on catnip. I've just got one word for you: Burdizzo!

Ya-all are the best!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8025073
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