SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A LOT has happened since Sunday and my head is spinning.

The OW contacted me. I woke up at 4am to go to the bathroom, used my phone for the light, and saw that I had 40+ notifications on Instagram. I'd blocked her from my personal and business accounts, but she made a new account named "theliesof(husband's name)". She had uploaded screenshots of their texts and tagged me in all of them. I KNEW better, but I couldn't stop myself from reading a few of them before I woke him up, nearly hysterical. I called her from my phone, and he left her a voicemail telling her (again) not to contact either of us. Then we spent two hours with me alternating between yelling at him, him apologizing, me crying, yelling some more....

It was like D-day all over again. The thing is that I specifically avoided seeking specific information about their relationship once I confirmed the A. I did this because I knew that I would never get it out of my head if I knew the things they'd done together, stuff he said to her, etc. I felt like I had been doing fairly well not obsessing over the A or her, but this whole thing opened the wound again. Now I have some lovely mind movies in my head (fortunately nothing too graphic or personal, but I read enough to make the whole thing seem that much more real).

Again, I KNEW better, but I sent her a message that said "you need to leave us alone. I don't deserve this, and my children don't deserve for you to interfere with our family any more." I got back a novel, which I read only a little bit of before deleting.

The gist of it was that she sent me all that stuff because she had been begging him to have a conversation" with her, and he had ignored all contact. So she'd threatened to expose him if he wouldn't talk to her. He continued to ignore, so she followed through on her threat. She mentioned that her "heart was broken" and that she "deserves for him to explain to her why he ended it." I'm dumbfounded that she seems to think I should give a damn about how she feels, and by the fact that she thinks she deserves ANYTHING. I didn't read much more than that before I blocked the fake account and deleted everything. I reported the account as harassment, and it was taken down within a few hours.

While the whole thing really sucked a lot, it was a relief to know for sure that he hasn't had any contact with her. He agreed to allow me to monitor everything he does until I feel safe again, and I hadn't had any indication that he'd contacted her, but of course I know that if he really wanted to, he could find a way. I'll also admit feeling more than slightly satisfied knowing that she's suffering. I know that my anger towards her is somewhat misdirected, but I am human, after all.

Here's where it gets even crazier... Early this morning I had a message request from another no-name Instagram account. I almost deleted without opening, but I guess I'm a slow learner because I couldn't stop myself. All it was was a screenshot of a photo of my daughter with our full address typed across the bottom, Snapchat style. I tried replying to the message, but the account was deleted right after I viewed the photo. Now I'm really freaked out. H insists that he never told OW where we live, the only way she could have found out is if she followed him home or something. I tend to believe him, but in any case it almost doesn't matter how she knows. I'm 99.9% sure that this message came from her. What I can't figure out is if she's threatening me, our daughter (who is 4!) or what... Not sure what I should do. Contemplating calling the police, but not even sure what I would say, or if they would even see it as a threat? I haven't told H yet because I'm traveling today and he's in middle of a huge work project.

Any ideas, experience, advice, etc is welcome. Part of me wants to just ignore this and hope she'll tire herself out and go away. If it was just about H and me, that's probably what I would do. But I can't ignore the possibility that she has ill- intentions towards our little one.

I would contact the police. They can get access to all of that and the sooner they know, the less you have to convince if needed another time. I'm so sorry!!!

Screenshots next time and keep all that she sends. Give it to a trusted friend or lawyer without reading it to help! May she get her kharma soon!

what Hopefulkate said!! Call the police immediately. You don't know if it was a threat, which means it could be. It was definitely sinister and meant to be so.

She sounds like a full blown bunny boiler and you need to protect you and your daughter NOW!

That's pretty scary. I would document everything and report to police. If anything further happens you may need to get a restraining order.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I used to be the editor of a small town newspaper and the police said their number one frustration was citizens not coming to them when they needed help. They waited until situations were out of control, when early intervention would have prevented something serious. I would call the police and get the ball rolling, just in case you need more protection later.

Good luck. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Report it. It really isn't hard to get someone's address with a simple online search

Save everything, start a log of all contact. Do not reply to any of her attempts, she wants to get too you. The worst thing for her would be no reply. If you reply she can say you participated in a discussion with her.

Contact the police about all of this, especially your daughter's picture. Contact an attorney. You may need a cease and desist letter followed by a restraining order.

Report this to police! Take precautions to protect yourself and your sweet girl. OW is off her rocker for sure! ((HUGS)) to you!

OW has been to my house, only lives a few miles away. Her kids are in the same district, different schools. She's batshit crazy but hides it well. I made sure that I reminded the school that only WH and I could pick up our kids, told daycare too. I wasn't taking any chances. You shouldn't either. That sounds unhinged.

Document everything. If you get enough to get a restraining order, do it. I couldnt because she got all the pictures of my kids and our personal info from WH and never gave a clear threat.

Be overly cautious. Then you won't have to be sorry.

Nothing has the potential to bring that nonsense to a screeching halt like a cease and desist letter from an attorney and/or a visit from the local constabulary inquiring about vague threats emanating from her IP address.

I would go to the police and file a complaint. Get it on record. Then hire an attorney to write a very sternly worded letter requesting she cease all contact by all methods to you and your husband and family.

If she persists, pursue a restraining order.

Make sure that your daughter's day care (if you use one) knows not to release her to anyone but your husband or you without express written permission.

Cat

Thanks, y'all, for confirming that I'm not overreacting. Fortunately I SAH with my daughter, and if she isn't with me then she's with my MIL, who would never let her out of her sight. My flight just landed - I'm going to call the police as soon as I get home.

I guess I have to tell H about this? The problem is that I don't want anything to spur him into contacting her - even if it's just to tell her to back off. I know she's craving contact with him, even if it's negative... I know I have to tell him. Fingers crossed he'll agree that this still doesn't warrant him contacting her.

Make it a non-negotiable with your WS that ANYTHING to do with this situation is a JOINT decision.

Personally, I think filing a police report and pursuing a letter from an attorney is the way to go, with a copy of the letter sent to your local police department. That way, they KNOW she's been warned.

If your WS is committed to reconciliation, he will agree that this is a situation to be handled with the both of you in 100% agreement on the path to take.

Cat

Make it a non-negotiable with your WS that ANYTHING to do with this situation is a JOINT decision.

Personally, I think filing a police report and pursuing a letter from an attorney is the way to go, with a copy of the letter sent to your local police department. That way, they KNOW she's been warned.

If your WS is committed to reconciliation, he will agree that this is a situation to be handled with the both of you in 100% agreement on the path to take.

Cat

PERFECT advice from Cat.

I'm dumbfounded that she seems to think I should give a damn about how she feels, and by the fact that she thinks she deserves ANYTHING.

I KNOW!! In my case, the MOW told my FWH that she wanted one of his expensive guitars or she would tell me everything. She said she DESERVED it! This was after she harassed us for months and had lied to FWH about things I supposedly did to her like write on her facebook wall (never happened), wanted to meet and talk to her (never happened - wouldn't give her the satisfaction). We sent an email threatening police action (she wasn't too bright and sent things in writing) and copied our attorney friend on the email. People like this will never stop unless action is taken.

BTW, she really is a sicko sending a picture of your daughter.. I hope you've already called the police. I'm upset for you!! (((((Aggie2004)))))

She could find out where you live if she knows his first and last name. It is unnervingly easy to find out that kind of info.

That said. Police, yes, protective order yes, cease and desist from a lawyer would not hurt. This woman is obviously not thinking rationally. Her threat to your daughter can not be ignored.

Thinking of you.

[This message edited by strugglebus at 6:17 AM, November 16th (Thursday)]

Fingers crossed he'll agree that this still doesn't warrant him contacting her.

I'd start the convo with, "I expect you to keep no contact with OW. Any communication with her needs to go through a lawyer or the police."

Yea he had better keep NC going. This lady truly is messed up. She had to have known that a picture of your 4 year old daughter along with your address could only mean one thing. I know where you live and what your daughter looks like.

Yes this is a threat and yes this warrants police involvement.

You also need to tell your husband so you can discuss how she knows your address and has a picture of your daughter.

Does your MIL know about this lady?

Where did the photo of your daughter come from? Was this a screen shot from social media or is she stalking your child’s? Her actions do require police intervention.

Report this.

Do not pass go do not collect $200.00 Report it.

Then if you know an attorney, or have one ask them to draft a Cease and Desist Letter, on attorney letterhead, and have it delivered to her.

Protect yourself, and your family.

So, I called the non-emergency number and I'm waiting for an officer to come by. Printing out everything I have in the way of evidence (I deleted almost all the communications from her without saving it, silly me, because I didn't want to be tempted to read any of her drivel).

The funny thing about the picture - it's an older photo that I took of my daughter that I've never posted on social media and H never had it on any of his devices - it was just a silly pic among thousands I have on my phone.

The ONLY thing I can think of is that she hacked our iCloud somehow (we have the same account)? She is, coincidentally, a technical analyst and has a computer science degree. I'm not really a tech person myself, so not sure if that would equip a person with the skill set necessary to do that?

Ugh. I feel sick.

Glad to hear you are contacting the authorities.

If you suspect she hacked your cloud account she is a bunny boiler as we call them (from the Fatal Attraction movie).

She’s nuts. Not wrapped too tight.

Hopefully police and NC letter from attorney will stop her madness.

And this is what we BS get to face for the choices of our CS. I would be furious with my H.