Okay...my turn I guess.
I too am lazy without certain "motivators".
I too used to pass out in the recliner leaving my wife to go to bed by herself.
I too put on a few pounds and lost interest in really wooing/courting my wife.
For that matter, that was me several years ago (3 or 4, I think) and not a current issue.
Incidentally, I am not a WW and never have been.
For me, it was a rather complicated combination of things that contributed to this failing of mine to invest in our relationship.
On the one hand, I find myself too lazy and unmotivated to look at all of your previous postings to know what who the crap I'm really talking to and the situation I'm posting into right now, but I won't let that stop me this time.
I was stressed out and didn't have vision. I felt like everything I tried to do or say fell on deaf or Eyeore-ish/Debbie Downer ears and eyes. I had tried to spend time and money and wine and lovin' and dine and doting on my wife. It all fell completely flat or even BACKFIRED at me, or so I felt. It was so much emotional risk and so disappointing to actually put out that much of myself (mostly quite happily at first) and see it just crumpled up and thrown away like so much trash that I didn't even see the point in trying after a (VERY LONG) while.
I'm not saying that you are like my wife. And I don't know if your husband feels like or has the same results or motivation as I did back then. I'm only saying that some of this shoe leather might fit and some might not.
In any case, when I wasn't stressed out (mental fatigue), I was very often MAXED out physically AND emotionally.
I could tell you why that is. In my case I was a forty-something framing up houses with German-work-ethic, DEATH WISH LOVING MANIACS that were all half my age and taking their unused sex drive/testosterone frustrations out on trying to outdo Guiness World Record books for getting things done in practically every category of their twisted cultish lives! But that's another story or two.
I saw little to no return on my investment and by the time I got home, I was spent anyway...
My immediate recommendation to you is to first off kidnap him to go with you to exercise in the morning or on a day off (preferably in the morning there too). Start off easy. Get him hooked on the feeling (insert cheesy 80's music here).
And give him a serious return on his investment--even if he doesn't deserve ANY of it in your own mind. I'm not saying that he even does. Especially if he's an unremorseful wayward #@$#@...But as for YOU getting what YOU"RE wanting out of HIM...well...that's my first bit of advice to a female of the species speaking myself as a male.
I think that even a disinterested, selfish POS will get up and get the ball rolling if he has the right reason to do so, but there isn't a car or truck alive that runs when it's out of gas.
Granted, he did this stuff for his fellow traitor-chick. And I don't blame you for being completely pissy about that at ALL. But aside from the injustice and your very justifiable jealousy over that aspect of his selling himself out to another woman, he might just have other factors at work in his mind or body contributing or trainwrecking his drive to do those things for YOU or even for himSELF.
I agree with at LEAST THIS bit from Sisoon:
if he's moping around and thinking he's old at 51, his self-esteem is already destroyed. Oh - and he's a WS, so we know his self-esteem is almost dead and buried.
(which I cut and pasted somewhat piecemeal there, leaving bits before and after out of it, I readily admit)
I don't know enough of the context here to agree or disagree with the rest of what Sisoon said there, but I do know that my own fWW has SERIOUSLY struggled with self-esteem and the motivation to get her game on ever since we got the rug out and started cleaning her skid-marks out of it. It hasn't been a pretty picture for EITHER of us to deal with and she feels like the SHIT we've been mopping up and steamcleaning out of there for quite awhile now, to be frank with you.
Question:
1) When he was getting in shape for his AP, was it at the end of the day or the beginning?
2) What kind of return on investment was he getting for his efforts? (kinda rhetorical there, but I'm trying to help you get into his male psyche here)
3) What kind of returns can he reasonably expect on doing the same for YOU? (I'm not trying to be ugly or anything to you there...I'm just trying to get you to answer that for yourself the way HE would instead of the way that maybe he SHOULD at this point.)
4) Isn't this very similar to how you yourself are already thinking and feeling when you feel like doing a similar "relocating your assets" maneuver where HE vs. another, different "mutual fund" (AP of your own) are concerned?
I think he might just need a jumpstart, Red Bull kind of shot in the arm to his self-esteem. Some people really DO need defibrillators to get their heart back in the game. And some just need a little extra octane in their tank instead. Either way, more empathy (however undeserved it may be on his part) might serve both of your interests better than mere anger or righteous indignation, however understandable such indignation may be in your case.