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Is the second year really harder than the first ???!!

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CaptainRogers posted 1/28/2018 20:51 PM

Harder? Different? Both? Neither? I'm just a few weeks into year 2 and I would use the word "different" to describe Jan 2018 compared to Jan 2017. Last year was a lot of raw pain and emotion. I liken it to losing someone close to you. The pain is real and it comes in without warning.

As I closed out the first 12 and moved into the second 12, I had time to reflect. Looking back at the previous year and all that happened, I felt a sadness, a sorrow, for what once was but will never be again. The pain wasn't raw at all, but there were tears. Tears at the loss of innocence in the relationship. Tears that remembered that the one person whom I never would have thought would hurt me grabbed me from behind and bodyslammed me into a concrete floor. Tears that fell, not like the downpour in the first few months, but a slight drip, like an old faucet that needs a new rubber washer.

Obviously, everyone's reaction and response as time goes by is different. I have felt a number of days where I was not in the full-on depression, but more of a smaller funk. Compared to this time last year, my head is on straight, I can conduct business like I used to, my anxiety is virtually nil, and sometimes I even allow my happy self to show his face.

Year 2...not worse for me so far...just different...

Bennu posted 1/29/2018 11:32 AM

Omg thanks for all the advice I really needed to hear that .. I guess as of right now Iím just still slightly grieving for the person I lost due to the A . It hurts like hell knowing time canít even change that,and sheís gone forever. Contrary to what women hear some of us men have fairy tale expectations of what our marriage is going to be like. And mine definitely died with that . Hopefully year 2 gets better and I think my emotions may finally calm once I get to 100% Acceptence.. once again thanks to everyone that responded 😊😊😊

Oldwounds posted 1/29/2018 12:23 PM

Hopefully year 2 gets better and I think my emotions may finally calm once I get to 100% Acceptence..

Things are going well here at home, so much better lately -- but I'm not sure I'll ever hit 100 percent acceptance of the A -- and maybe it is semantics, but more about acceptance that I can't change a single thing about the past.

I can only control my reaction to this adversity.

I think once my brain finally processed it all, and caught up to the concept of working on today instead of being caught in the loop of yesterday, I was able to feel far better about life in general.

It is a long road, sending strength!

1Faith posted 1/29/2018 17:22 PM

once I get to 100% Acceptence

Not to be negative but 100% is a tall order. I am not sure how many veterans here would ever say 100% acceptance.

I am all about managing expectations.

One day, one step at a time.

Marathon not a sprint.

Good luck.

crazyblindsided posted 1/29/2018 18:22 PM

The second year was when I was realizing just how horrid my WS really was and not so much the A.

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