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Finally! Therapists that get what a BS goes through.

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ISurvivedSoFar posted 10/14/2019 09:15 AM

Thanks for bumping this! Just listened to it and I am thrilled to be pointed in this direction. I'm going to have my WS listen to this too.

It helps me not feel crazy!

shellofme posted 10/15/2019 09:59 AM

I SurvivedSoFar:

I am so glad you found this. Thank you for telling me.

I am surprised you didn't find it until now. I have many of your posts, and seen you on SI quite a while.

I've tried to make this post as visible as possible, because I really think it could help more people to listen to these, but unfortunately unless this thread gets into the double digits of pages, I don't think these resources will head towards the healing library.

gmc94 posted 10/22/2019 15:38 PM

Bumped for AlwaysScrewingUp

shellofme posted 10/24/2019 15:59 PM

Bumping for the WS side readers

Perfervid posted 10/25/2019 08:35 AM

Thank you for bumping this. I just forwarded the podcast to my old MC and my WH IC and my IC, because we and I spent YEARS in therapy focused on Co-Dependency and Family of Origin while I continued and still continue to suffer what I clearly see as Trauma.

Our MC even condoned my WH from continuing to work with his AP for 3 years after DDAy. You know who suffered from that!


gmc94 posted 10/27/2019 10:43 AM

Bumping for Ann1960.

gmc94 posted 11/13/2019 00:12 AM

Bumping for Keet

shellofme posted 11/13/2019 09:55 AM


The most recent episode (Evolution of Partner Trauma from October 22) of this podcast is about the origin of the newer betrayal trauma model, and how damaging the old codependent model was not only to the BS, but the new model is apparently better for the WS too, especially if the WS wants to R. This episode, and some others, mention sex addicts, but don't be scared off by that. You don't have to be a sex addict, or be with a WS that's a sex addict, to benefit from this podcast.

The hosts of the podcast state that it is for any couples that have gone through betrayal and the resulting trauma.

I don't have MOD permission yet to post the link, but I'll request it. You need permission to post each link, even if it's in the same podcast. Meanwhile, check it out. My FWH and I saw quite a few therapists who claimed to be on board with the newer model, but they were coming from the old model. It was damaging to both of us, and set us far back in our R.

shellofme posted 11/17/2019 12:21 PM

MOD approved link to new episode. Thanks SI volunteers! Approved Link

I highly suggest listening. It describes the evolution of this move leading and 'woken' therapists have made from the co-dependent model to the betrayal trauma model. The professional interviewed in this episode is a well known therapist and author in the field of addiction and infidelity and betrayal.

[This message edited by shellofme at 12:22 PM, November 17th (Sunday)]

shellofme posted 12/10/2019 12:02 PM

There's a newer one out now. It's about disclosure. If you check it out, please post on this thread what you thought.
I hope this reaches some closer to DDay people, but 4 years out, I still find it helpful to listen to them. I wish they'd do some episodes on the long haul aspects of R though.

gmc94 posted 12/10/2019 22:21 PM

^^^ agreed, ShellOfMe. I would LOVE to hear them do an episode on shame (and think I would pee my pants if Brene Brown did a book on infidelity )

shellofme posted 12/11/2019 07:56 AM

I would love if Brene Brown wrote a book about infidelity, or betrayal in general. Oprah interviewed her a couple of times on her super soul conversations, and they did touch on infidelity towards the end of one of them. It was a short exchange, but what she said showed that she believes betrayal necessitates a different way of looking at some issues, than when betrayal is not involved. That was good to hear. I love Brene! And yes about a shame episode. This podcast did interview a couple in R for 1 episode, and the FWS does talk about his shame, and how he dealt with it. Did you listen to that one?

My FWH seems stuck in shame 4 years out, and it has brought our R to a crawl.

shellofme posted 12/18/2019 21:00 PM

bumping for Olwen1

Olwen1 posted 12/21/2019 15:24 PM


Then you for sending this to me. I listened and then listened again with H. It really helped it sink in how his actions affected me. It made me cry to hear someone explain what I was going through in a way that didn't make me feel crazy and gave me some how that it won't be like this forever... But also explain why it will be such a long tough road.

After listening WS gave me a ton more detail of what he's been up to. What I know was the tip of the iceberg. After telling me, he broke down and said he thinks he might have SA. He's going back to IC in the new year to get disabled and start working on a plan for him. I'm not fully believing we'll be ok, but there is a glimmer of hope.

Thank you so much for sharing and being here for me and other new BSs

shellofme posted 12/22/2019 11:23 AM

It brought tears to my eyes to read that listening to this helped you! Thank you for letting me know. I started this thread, because I wish I had this to listen to when I was closer to my DDay. I believe it would have helped me tremendously. Instead, I thought I had lost my mind. This information might have prevented me from ending up in as dark of a place as I ended up in the first few months.

My hope in posting this is to help others, BS, and WS, in the hope that their road to recovery will be a little easier than mine has been with all the setbacks of the TT, and then going to the wrong type of therapists that set us back. Now I've learned those things caused secondary trauma. If you haven't listened to the newer podcasts, I highly recommend them. The 1st one (that started this post) was Duane's podcast Addicted Mind, where he interviewed his colleague Marni in 2 episodes. Those 2 therapists went on to start their own podcast about this subject. If you scroll through the posts, you'll find the links to listen. One of the most recent episodes is about disclosure, and the therapist/expert they interview reveals that he himself was a sex addict. Your WS might find it helpful. Good luck and please keep us 'posted'.

gmc94 posted 12/22/2019 22:05 PM

Bumped for Tkaehill

ETA: ShellofMe - I did hear the HCH podcast with the couple in recovery, but IIRC, the majority of the episode was the BW talking, and the WH's experiences did not get the same amount of airtime.

I want to find that oprah interview, even if they only touched on betrayal, I'd be curious to see Brown's take on that subject.

And, Pee my pants fantasy #2 would be that Marnie & Duane had Brene on their podcast

[This message edited by gmc94 at 10:10 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)]

shellofme posted 12/23/2019 08:45 AM


The WH didn't get as much airtime, but it was good for me to listen to what he said, and I think it could help other WS to listen?

I agree, Brene being interviewed, would be the cream of the crop. I was thrilled her name was even mentioned (by Duane) on the most recent episode.

Let me know what you think of the Oprah/Brene podcast. Oprah did 2 with Brene that I have listened to (maybe she's done more?), and I can't remember which one it was. It was only like a sentence or 2 where betrayal, or infidelity was mentioned. It was toward the end of the interview.

cocoplus5nuts posted 12/27/2019 18:20 PM

I finally got around to listening to the first part. I've got the 2nd part ready to go. Just need to find some quiet time.

I have shared it with my fch. I think he still doesn't fully understand how what he did has made me question and not trust any part of our history.

Thanks for sharing.

shellofme posted 12/29/2019 11:27 AM

I'm so glad to hear part 1 helped you. After listening, it helped me to go to their website, and put the outline of the Six Dimensions of Relational and Betrayal Trauma in my computer. When I was feeling overwhelmed, or crazy, it helped me to review the different areas of how things impacted my brain, without having to re-listen each time. On the website under part 2 they have given a quick summary of the 6 Dimensions:
Shattered Inner World
Life Crisis
Existential Trauma
Emotional Trauma
Sexual Trauma
Relational Trauma
Then they listed steps to heal from each

If you give part 2 a listen, please let me know what you think. Is your FWS willing to listen? If so, listening to their newer podcast (MOD approved links earlier in this thread), might help too?

cocoplus5nuts posted 12/29/2019 19:54 PM

We both listened to both episodes. We talked a little about the dimensions. He says he gets how his cheating has affected my view of every part of our entire relationship.

We're reconciled, so this is just kind of refresher/reinforcer. I did like the idea of making a list of everything I lost because of my fch's betrayal. I've never really thought about that.

I'll go look for the newer ones.

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