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Finally! Therapists that get what a BS goes through.

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shellofme posted 9/26/2018 08:05 AM

I'm pleased this post is continuing to help people that haven't found it before. To reiterate: This post is about free help online (link is MOD APPROVED) for those of us that have experienced betrayal trauma, and/or want their WS to understand more about what the betrayal has done to them. For those of you that see the word podcast and envision a long commitment: these links are for only 2 episodes of a podcast. The 1st is 24 minutes, and the 2nd is 42 minutes. In addition, others have mentioned other lectures and resources that are either MB herself, or her mentor.

WhatsRight: Ditto what marji said.
The podcast is about addiction, but these are only 2 episodes where the host interviews an expert/colleague about betrayal trauma. Although there is a SA connection, because the therapist that hosts the podcast treats addicts, I believe the info MB shares is very relatable to any betrayed spouse whose WS deceived them on any level, even an EA. I did not have your concern regarding my FWH listening to them, but that's your call. My FWH found it very helpful to understand more of what the betrayal did to me.

His emotional health is unstable at this time, and I won't share it with him at this time.
I've been there. Things were unstable for months after DDay in my marriage, until my FWH got diagnosed, and treated. It was a triage situation, and I believe that delayed my own healing. Good luck!

Superesse: I don't know of anything on SI resembling a sticky note area. If this post gets enough responses, the mods will consider putting the link in the healing library.

. . . he appears to have little comprehension of the lingering effects of his actions on others, in general; regarding his betrayal, he has never gotten much beyond his basic realization that he "f'd up.
This is not a good sign. I'm not familiar with your situation. I'm sorry I don't have time to go back and read your old posts right now, and I want to respond to this thread while I have the time. When was your DDay? Has he read How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair?

gettingoverthis posted 9/26/2018 11:56 AM

I wish I would have listened to these podcasts weeks ago. So spot on.

Thank you so much for posting.

Superesse posted 9/26/2018 12:35 PM

shellofme, thanks, that is exactly why I think it might help him to listen to these videos. My, D-Day 1 was 10/2/02, 16 years ago next week. 12 years in Limbo while waiting for him to "do the work," then D-Day 2 in 2014, when he called me from jail after his arrest for soliciting a prostitute. Yeah, not much work got done here....I just want to heal and know I did all anyone could do to "explain" to him why this is a deal-breaker for a marriage. He just doesn't get it, thinks rug-sweeping is the way to live happily ever after.

shellofme posted 10/22/2018 10:47 AM

gettingoverthis:I'm glad you found this useful.

Superesse: I don't know enough about your situation right now to give advice, but what you shared isn't the road to R. Is R possible now? Either way, healing is possible for you! Sending you good energy for your own healing.

I wish all the people in JFO could find this podcast quickly. I'm checking in here once in a while to give the post a bump, so others can be helped by this, and to respond to people.

shellofme posted 11/3/2018 06:48 AM

Here's a bump. I'm hoping this reaches people who haven't found/heard it before.

When I got mod approval, I was asked to post this in general. Please pass along if it helps. It helped me to listen, and I hope it helps you.

gmc94 posted 4/20/2019 07:17 AM

Bumped for LiesHurt.

Dance4Me posted 4/20/2019 08:07 AM

This podcast was circulated on here about a year or so ago - good stuff! I am glad the newbies are having a chance to listen to these words of wisdom! I wish I had heard this back in 2009/2010 when I was suffering so....

Thanks for reposting this!

Edited - whoops - I see the original post was from a year ago!! My mistake ...still good stuff!

[This message edited by Dance4Me at 8:14 AM, April 20th (Saturday)]

Hurtbeyondtime posted 4/20/2019 13:44 PM


Thank you .. so much even after 7 years out this is such a validation of how we feel...
And the Second Trauma is spot on! .and the violation of the marriage and equating it to rape.. as a csa survivor I can attest to the same feeling.. of sleeping with your violator .
This what no MC could ever understand...

Thanks again for sharing this wonderful podcast.

PurpleHaze posted 4/20/2019 17:30 PM

I admit I did not read all responses, although many. I have been sick a few days and just reading here and there. I did listen to these podcasts. As a BS from an LTA this touched me deeply and resonated in ways few things have. This is so spot on as to all that a BS goes through. It is so traumatic and hurtful and we do question so much about ourselves, our lives, our pasts. I had to take down family photos as I could not look at them without wondering if any part of it was real. Thank you so much for sharing this shellofme!!! I think it will continue to help people for a long time.

dotterofTheKing posted 4/20/2019 20:14 PM

Thank you for sharing this!

sassylee posted 7/2/2019 16:25 PM


gmc94 posted 7/2/2019 16:28 PM

Thanks for reopening this one!

crazyblindsided posted 7/2/2019 17:25 PM

Wow this was enlightening. Thank you for posting this. It helped to explain many of the things I've gone through. I'm currently stuck in 'Existential Trauma.'

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:26 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

emotionalaffair1 posted 7/2/2019 19:11 PM

Wow! This should be required listening for both the betrayed and the betrayer. I wish I heard it back when I first found out.

burninghouse posted 7/2/2019 20:54 PM

Thank you so much for the bump! I've listened to the first podcast and now I'm just into the 2nd. So far, spot on! I appreciate in the first episode she mentions how things are shifting from a codependency model to a trauma model. I appreciate the shift in focus to healing, as it should be.

J707 posted 7/2/2019 22:50 PM

This is awesome! So much truth in all of it! Brought back some stuff but all good knowledge is powerful!

shellofme posted 7/16/2019 09:20 AM

I'm so glad this got bumped and is continuing to help new folks. Thanks SI Mod: sassylee!!!

I too really wish I had this info right after my DDay. I really thought I had lost my mind, because it turns out that's what shock, trauma, and PTSD feel like.

Please let me know what you think.

shellofme posted 7/18/2019 10:41 AM

Is it too soon to bump again? I fear this thread will get lost and closed, and I believe it can still help so many other, particularly those who are closer to DDay.

Click to page 1 for the MOD approved links to the podcast.

ShatteredSakura posted 7/18/2019 15:27 PM

Thank you for the links, I just finished listening to both parts and what Marnie has to say is very validating. It is so on point in describing what I've been going through...and what I've read of others' experiences here.

I've been lurking on these forums for some time now; finally created an account several weeks ago. This is actually my first post, but I really wanted to thank you.

shellofme posted 7/19/2019 11:46 AM


It is so nice to hear that you found this, and that you found it validating.

As others say, I'm sorry that you had to become a member of this 'club', but glad you found SI. I hope you find it as helpful in your healing as I do. Thanks for letting me know you listened to the podcasts!

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