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Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts - 18

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Smjsome1 posted 11/7/2018 04:34 AM


Itís actully a blood pressure med, but in tiny doses helpful for ptsd nightmares

Iím one handed right now- torturing me!

Lionne posted 11/7/2018 11:05 AM

Oh Smj, that's awful!

Make him hire someone to help...or enlist your son.

I'm here if you want to talk.

Smjsome1 posted 11/7/2018 13:00 PM

Son is, and a few of his friends are helping here and there. One bartered this Sunday for our Xmas trees, another bartered next Saturday for a lawnmower

We are supposed to have an estate sale Friday and Saturday, sunday donate what we donít want, pack mon-weds, load the truck thurs. close.
Friday sign for new place, Son signs for his new place Friday too, start moving stuff as soon as thatís done.

WH had a 1 day impromptu sale last Saturday, made $3000. Some large items we have on Craigslist and people are scheduled to come get them over the next few days.

We finished setting up for the planned sale Sunday. It was so funny, or not, the paramedics carrying me out thru an estate sale of everything we ever owned.

I want none of it. I want everything to be gone, and different. Itís actually the same Iím worried about mostly.

So, woke up to discharge talk, was allowed to shower, suddenly my blood pressure dropped 40 points. Ugh. Cardiologist came in said Iíd be leaving shortly, my heart is perfect, eat more salt. Btw they have me on a low sodium heart healthy diet.
Nurse waited till he left and said, has anyone talked to you? She read my labs, etc. said they found cysts on my thyroid. They put me back on the monitors.

In the end they are saying the meds caused the issue that night, but may have exposed a larger issue.

SAWH is being a trooper, spent the night. Gets all braggy occasionally. He likes the attention and to talk about himself, I had emergency surgery a few years ago and the entire time he talked about himself. Heís driving me nuts with hugs and such. He is worried. Which is new. And he didnít even think twice, called work said nope, not gonna be in. Normally heíd be stressed about that.
One nurse tried flirting and he shut her down fast, that was good

Lionne posted 11/7/2018 14:18 PM

Sometimes it takes a crisis to lick them in the butt. Stupid. Sounds like things are progressing steadily.

Btw they have me on a low sodium heart healthy diet

Made me laugh. I pour salt, blood pressure runs 90/60 at best. Thyroid nodes are common in women, mostly benign.
I'm glad you are better, be careful with those meds!

Smjsome1 posted 11/7/2018 16:18 PM

Iím free! Getting pizza on the way home!

Yay. Wow, my life is weird.

Thank you! Back to packing for the move

DogsnBooks posted 11/7/2018 18:22 PM

Donít be too proud of me yet. I am certain I am still in shock and still have a lot to process. It doesnít feel real yet. I am sure I will be much more unstable once reality hits.

So I might be psychic. Or maybe itís a self fulfilling prophecy. Either way, the depression is really hitting me hard tonight.

Smjsome1 posted 11/8/2018 14:53 PM

Dogs, it does. The depression hits had. The grief. My IC says, you canít avoid it, you just have to make your way thru it, feel it, but dont let it drag you down.

It takes a long time.

Smjsome1 posted 11/8/2018 16:43 PM

I was freed from hospital too soon, they want to do a biopsy based on the last test they did.

SAWH is losing his mind. His accountability partner is a long time SA who after his DD skipped her annual exams for 2 years, turned out she had breast cancer and itís now gone too far.

Iím pretty sure I do not have cancer.

Oh I forgot this - SAWHís mother who is a horrible person was texting him passive aggressive stuff the entire week. She is a huge trigger for him!0

[This message edited by Smjsome1 at 5:46 PM, November 8th (Thursday)]

Lionne posted 11/8/2018 17:28 PM

Biopsy where? Sounds like cya medicine. Nevertheless, it's necessary, of course. I'm betting you are fine, too.
Just one more pain in the ass.
But I'm glad you were enthusiastic about pizza!
Dogs, I'm sorry. Can you get yourself to a fun activity this weekend?

shatteredheart3 posted 11/8/2018 20:10 PM

Can anyone give me any advice on what to do when you canít necessarily afford a CSAT for counseling? Iím our area itís $150 a session. While I desperately want my husband to go. We canít afford it?

marji posted 11/8/2018 22:25 PM

shattered Is your H attending SA 12 meetings? He might be able to get information about helpful therapists who take insurance; it can also be extremely helpful if he attends at least once a week. Some people go to SA meetings several times a week. He can also work with a sponsor. SA groups involve no fees; sponsors are volunteers who charge no fees.

Are you part of any SANON group? Going regularly, becoming an active, involved member can be of great help to you; you might also learn of therapists that might be reasonable. You can also try to find a sponsor and/or mentor.

Im not sure but I think you haven't posted here in several month and I don't know if you've posted in the SA group before. Has something happened since last Spring that makes it seem urgent that he find a CSAT? Has he already seen one who has given your H tests or has he taken the tests himself on line?

Sounds like he is willing to go but for the financial matter. It's good that he wants to work on his problem; that he wants to change.

Lionne posted 11/9/2018 07:58 AM

We found our counselors by asking at my Sanon meeting and the related couples group. His, an ALMOST CSAT, she simply needed to take the exam, and mine, an IC very familiar with all kinds of addiction and very good, took our insurance.

On the other hand, I was willing to spend what's needed. Divorce is much more expensive. I know that isn't always an option.

secondtime posted 11/11/2018 02:57 AM

Ask if you can make payments or have a sliding fee.

I made 10k or so a year while in grad school. No loans. Thatís what I lived on.. I found a therapist that let me make payments.

I would also look at a second job to find that money, unless you all are already managing two jobs. What about selling plasma? In our parts, one can make 300/ month selling twice a week. Or maybe try to find a job that covers therapy.

Take a good look at your budget. We donít have cable, have pre paid smart phones (cell phones run under 50 a month total for three smartphones. Old, but we own them. . We donít buy much clothing, even with 4 kids. We drive older cars when we need to. Otherwise to save on costs we take public transportation or dh bikes. What about the grocery bill. Generic oatmeal for breakfast runs 2 a month for one person. Pea and bean soups donít need meat and are cheap and healthy. Do you have stuff around the house you can sell?

DestroyedWife80 posted 11/11/2018 12:45 PM

Does anyone here have experience with WH that would cruise parks/parking lots for men.

I have a few questions and no one to ask.

Thank you

marji posted 11/11/2018 20:45 PM

Destroyed Just wondering if you are involved in an S-ANON group?

SANON members have qualifiers who have done and do all types of activities. It can be helpful to work with a sponsor and or mentor if you're dealing with this. There are also telephone and FaceTime groups if there's no meeting you can get to or you've tried and it's not the right group for you.

The status of the members is usually very varied; some are married but talking divorce; some have divorced or separated already; some not sure. All that matters is that any member be affected by the sexual behavior of a SO. I think you'd be able to ask your questions and get some helpful answers at such a meeting.

DestroyedWife80 posted 11/12/2018 00:46 AM

There are no meetings in my area. I could probably try one of the FT or online meetings.

marji posted 11/12/2018 06:03 AM

Destroyed So sorry there is not group in your area; don't know if there are online groups but I know there are telephone groups. If you can Google SANON International you can explain your situation and they should be able to suggest ways to connect. The people there are very helpful. Groups can also be established; unfortunately our kinds of problems are all too widespread but it does give opportunity to start a group if there isn't already one available.

Don't know if you've already started IC for yourself but if not I might suggest you try to find a very experienced and knowledgeable betrayal therapist who is wise about SA created trauma; therapists sometimes have their own groups or can help start one. SI is great but IRL support is also invaluable.

[This message edited by marji at 7:36 AM, November 12th (Monday)]

Lionne posted 11/12/2018 22:42 PM

Destroyed, SAs sometimes seek out same sex connections even if they aren't gay. It has to do with needing a more extreme fix than they've been used to. I didn't experience it, but a few members of my Sanon group did.
I'm sorry.
I'll PM you in case I can help.

[This message edited by Lionne at 2:10 PM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

veryhurt2018 posted 11/13/2018 10:18 AM

Destroyed, I wonder if there are other types of meetings besides SANON near you. WH and I chose to do a private type of group SA meetings that have been very healing. For us, WH couldn't take the time off work to do the meetings in our area for SA or SAA, so we found a private group. It's very reasonably priced and although not free, it's way cheaper than private therapy. We found this center by using Google.

Lionne posted 11/14/2018 11:27 AM

A few weeks ago I joined a free webinar about SA. It's accessed by going to Robert Weiss's website. If you google him or "sex, relationship, healing, and look for his name, you'll see the links. I found it somewhat useful.

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