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Back again, this time I won't survive it.

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AwesomeNot posted 5/29/2018 19:37 PM

Don't end yourself over the disease known as love.

It's entirely curable.

The first step is cutting off the chemical that induces it's feeding supply.

Leave that forest slug behind and start focusing on yourself.

Eventually, the chemical will subside and you'll get over the disease of love and your life will improve.

IceThee posted 6/1/2018 01:10 AM

Hey ESD :) Just stopping by to say hi again :)

annb posted 6/2/2018 05:28 AM

Hi, ESD, it's the weekend so I'm hoping you have some access to the internet to check in.

Thinking about you and continued prayers for you.

Have you called your MD yet? The way out of misery is to get your health in order. Your MD can help you, you will feel so much better. You need to dig your way out of this depression, and the correct medications will help.

k94ever posted 6/4/2018 10:46 AM

ESD...please check in with us.


TheDudeAbides posted 6/4/2018 10:54 AM

ESD, like they tell us in recovery you have to just take this one day at a time. Don't worry about what tomorrow will bring, just focus on the here and now. We are all praying for will get through this!

william posted 6/4/2018 14:38 PM

One thing we learned in the Marines was asking for helpbor accepting it doesn't make us weak. It makes us human. We all need a hand at some point.

A Dr can give you that hand. Some meds mix badly for certain people. The Dr can give another. That simple.

You need help. Go get it. You would tell anyone else the same thing. You'd offer to help yourself right? So why not accept it yourself?

I went to a Dr and got meds to help. Mine helped. If they hadnt I'd have gone back for others. We all need help at some point. This is your point. Please get the help you need!

Emptyshelldad posted 6/4/2018 18:44 PM

Edit, double post

[This message edited by Emptyshelldad at 6:46 PM, June 4th (Monday)]

Emptyshelldad posted 6/4/2018 18:45 PM

I'm trying to remember each of your words when I'm struggling, which is often, unfortunately.

No she claims she isn't actively in an affair. She claims "swears" it was never physical. But she has sworn on several things lately all of which were total lies. So who knows. She is actively deleting and hiding everything she finds rather than bring it to me to try and rebuild trust. We are so lost. We have two lil girls together and I.have my two daughters from.the ex before she.cheated.

Its the lack of empathy on her part and the seemingly purposeful way she.destroys anything that would help us regain trust that is gutting my soul.

We are moving to a new area so hopefully counseling will be easier there.

Ive try and hold out.until then. Thanks guys for all Really.... I wouldn't be here still without it.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/4/2018 21:22 PM

Great to hear from you! You sound better, in light of the crap your WW is pulling. Hang on to that little flame inside of you. It's in there.

Deleting is a no-no. She is making this harder. It is NOT your fault. Deleting just proves how broken a person she is. Please do your best to 180 her.

Keep checking in here. One minute at a time. I'm so glad you are here with us.

Booyah posted 6/5/2018 05:09 AM

ESD good to hear from you my friend.

Tell us about your older daughters? How old are they?

So you have four are one BLESSED man ESD!!! Nothing like the love of a daughter. They're going to (and do) need you on their journey of life as well.

Are you still taking Lorazepam?

I agree with William that you need the right meds, but in order for that to happen you need to:
1) go back to a Dr
2) be honest with them this time as to what's going on with you and the thoughts you've been having

Get your mind settled with the RIGHT meds so that you can think clearly, and then you'll be so much stronger and able to deal with this situation. I know it sucks but again you've proven to yourself in the past that you can and more importantly WILL get through this.

Hang in there but please go back to a DR and let them help you. You need to be a great friend to yourself right now. You are worth it!!!

Losconang15 posted 6/6/2018 17:45 PM

Hey Emptyshelldad, been thinking about you and hoping you’re doing ok. I saw a video today and instantly thought of you in hopes that anything can help you feel a little better. You have so much more in life to offer :) anyway, here’s the link to that video.

Hope you are doing well.

squid posted 6/8/2018 10:17 AM

Glad you're still with us, ESD.

We know all too well the struggle of being with a WS that continues to lie and gaslight. It's truly soul-crushing. Keep thinking about your kids and when you're set up in your new place, reach out for some counseling or talk to a pastor. Anyone.

Just keep trudging on. We're with you.

Coreofsteel posted 6/8/2018 20:12 PM

Hi ESD. Let us know how you're doing. I'd love to hear about your daughters!

heartbroken_kk posted 6/8/2018 23:41 PM

Been thinking about you all day ESD. Today was pretty hard for me, really triggery and been feeling jittery and blue. I hope you are doing OK and holding strong. I hope today was a good day.

k94ever posted 6/9/2018 11:08 AM

Please check back in with us ESD.


Emptyshelldad posted 6/9/2018 13:01 PM

Hi guys. I've been moving from Montana to Boise so it's been helping to keep my mind numb for the last little bit. I'm just trying to not think about it at all to keep from going darker. The stress of the move isn't helping really, but it makes your mind feel like you've got lots to do. I'm fighting every night to just keep numb, and not let the darkness creep in and take over. I'll have better signal where I'm going so I'll be able to check in more and be more involved too.

annb posted 6/9/2018 13:41 PM

Hi, ESD, thanks for checking in.

Just one day at a time.

When your move is completed, please meet with your MD again. I think you are very depressed and might need an additional medication or change of medication to pull you out of this darkness.

Did I read correctly, you have four daughters? Two from the ex and two from your current wife? You'd better strap those boots on tight because they are going to give you a run for your money..

ZenMumWalking posted 6/12/2018 11:13 AM

But guys, can't I just tough this out and my chemicals will go back to normal soon?

No, you are too far down the hole for this. You don't have 'the blues', you have MAJOR DEPRESSION.

If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't 'just tough it out and (it) will go back to normal soon'. You would have a medical professional diagnose and treat it. You would have a cast on it, you wouldn't try to walk normally on it, 'tough it out' and hope for the best. You want and need that leg to work in the future, for your job, to play with your children, to just enjoy walking around. None of that would be possible without getting treatment.

Here's an idea. Since you already know you are moving, perhaps you can already start looking for a psychiatrist in your new area. It sounds like it will be big enough that you will be able to find someone who can help you as discreetly as you like.

Keep checking in, and keep hanging in.

MrMagnolia posted 6/12/2018 13:44 PM


Hang in there. I think moving to a more populated area will be a good thing for you.

Check in when you can.

ZenMumWalking posted 6/15/2018 15:30 PM

Hey ESD, how are you doing?

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