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Home From Deployment to Hell

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LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 07:35 AM

MrMag, this is an "all hands" event. The TG returns from deployment today. If I hadn't placed myself on the advance roster (not unusual in the slightest), this would've been my actual return to CONUS. If: A) I had never learned about my stbxw's extracurricular activities, or B) She was not an unfaithful whore, this is the happy occasion when we'd have first seen each other since mid-September. So I think the likelihood of her attending is non-trivial. It's not actually a public thing, but there will be an abundance of people present, both military & dependents. I'll handle what comes my way, I have self-control.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 7:35 AM, April 14th (Saturday)]

LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 07:40 AM

Thanks, House. Yes, I know this is going to echo around for awhile.
There is a wives organization (in this type of unit, it's still for wives as we remain male only). At one time C was very active, she was the Ombudsman in the past. That began being curtailed a few years ago. Obviously my mind has gone back to my last deployments, I'm wondering if she has successfully deceived me in the past.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 7:41 AM, April 14th (Saturday)]

SCARLETT94 posted 4/14/2018 07:48 AM

Good luck today.
Too bad I'm not your sister, I'd be there and I'd cockblock her like I was your abula lol!

Freeme posted 4/14/2018 07:53 AM

I'm a navy brat and remember those events. That's going to be hard seeing all of those happy couples reuniting. I'm also guessing she will know you will be there and has it marked on her calendar. It's also not a great time/place to cause a scene.

Consider having a friend listen to the voicemails and giving you a run down so you can asses her mental state (anger, depressed, vengeful, crazy...)

If you HAVE to go. Do you know a group of single friends you can hang with or a couple that won't mind you being a third wheel for the reunion?

I'll handle what comes my way, I have self-control.
I have no doubt you will, it's her I'm worried about.

LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 08:10 AM

This afternoon is probably the most treacherous ground I'll tread vis a vis this broken marriage. If she shows, and I expect she will, avoiding a spectacle in the presence of a Flag officer is my #1 priority, even if I have to deceptively placate her temporarily.

LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 08:11 AM

Freme, there's no choice in this whatsoever. I'm the OIC of the returning TG. I'll be speaking briefly.

twisted posted 4/14/2018 08:30 AM

LtCdr, you have to speak? Well, well. I think I'd make sure to mention all the loving, loyal, and supporting wives and families that support our men that go in harms way that the count on....as you are looking laser beams into her empty soul . Give her a few words to shake her and remember.

Emasculated? Never once. Betrayed, disappointed,and blind, yes. Realizing all the clues I missed because I wasnt looking just made me mad at my self for playing the fool. That is fixable. Good luck today.

LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 08:32 AM

make sure to mention all the loving, loyal, and supporting wives and families that support our men that go in harms way

Twisted, that's an outstanding idea.

LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 08:34 AM

I'm reading stbxw's texts, she's coming today. Knowledge is power.

Listening to the voicemails is another matter altogether.

ZenMumWalking posted 4/14/2018 08:40 AM

Sending strength, you've got this.

Cabrona posted 4/14/2018 08:44 AM

If you have to take her aside to keep things from escalating, do not even look her in the eyes while she is speaking. When itís your turn to speak then look her directly in the eyes and coldly but politely ask her to please leave as her presence dishonors all the wives at the event that were able to stay faithful and not betray their husbands.

[This message edited by Cabrona at 8:54 AM, April 14th (Saturday)]

The1stWife posted 4/14/2018 08:45 AM

Iím sorry she doesnít have more sense to stay away.

I wouldnít want to be in your shoes but I give you strength and prayers and support to do what you need to do to get through this with your sanity (and career) intact.

MidnightRun posted 4/14/2018 08:46 AM

Any 'crazy' --unhinged pleadings--in the texts?

OneInTheSame posted 4/14/2018 08:53 AM

I haven't posted since the beginning of the thread, but want you to know I send you wishes for peace in your spirit to get through the day. And I recommend taking antacids before the event. It is bound to get your gut into knots.

I may have implied it in what I first posted, but just to be sure, thank you for your service. (Both of my brothers trained at Pendleton, and I attended my deceased brother's graduation, as he was honorman, wearing the dress blues bestowed by Leatherneck Magazine for the honor! At 6'7" he cut a handsome figure, and believe it or not, was a tank driver in Nam.)

PricklePatch posted 4/14/2018 08:56 AM

You got this. You are a warrior. Put your engagement face on. When you see her, put on a mask as if you were negotiating, you were taught this.

I would consider put out a call to your FIL. If you think it is good and ask him to intervene. Tell him your being more then fair in the settlement. You just want to be left alone. This is using pressure like you would a small country with a friend who is a bigger country, to stop a battle.

This my friend is not weakness. This my friend is using your weapons in a civil war. This is being caught off base with no weapons available and coming up with a plan off the cuff. It is about using a resource to stop a battle that might damage the unit.

This is also a sign telling you who she is. She is a narcissistic woman with no care about you.

TimelessLoss posted 4/14/2018 08:58 AM

If she shows, and I expect she will, avoiding a spectacle in the presence of a Flag officer is my #1 priority, even if I have to deceptively placate her temporarily.
I'm reading stbxw's texts, she's coming today. Knowledge is power.
I expect that you will perform exceptionally well in representing your command and shipmates. You mentioned compartmentalizing before. There is still space in that compartment. It is possible that she will physically grab onto you and not let go. Can you prepare for that, remain disciplined, when your skin will likely crawl, and you will be physically repulsed? This is where you will need to "deceptively placate" her. Tell her, "C, this is not the time or place for this". "C, it would be best for both of us if you write out what you want to say". "C, we're going to have to defer this until I finish with my command responsibilities". Me? I'd tell her you'll meet at Starbucks at 1630 next Wednesday. Just not what Starbucks, since you'll be in California.

I'd like to see one of your fellow officers "interrupt" you by saying the old man needs to see you.

LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 09:07 AM

I would consider put out a call to your FIL.

That's an excellent idea. He'll come, all I have to do is ask. Thank you, I cannot think of everything, try as I might. Deception is going to be the tactic. Appropriate, wouldn't you say?

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:54 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

MidnightRun posted 4/14/2018 09:07 AM

You might take some small comfort knowing that OM is probably somewhere
shitting in his pants, waiting on the other shoe to drop from the Navy.

LtCdrLost posted 4/14/2018 09:08 AM

Midnight,

"It's not what it looks like"
"Please please please don't do this"
"I've never loved anybody but you"

Etc, etc, etc.
It changes nothing. I'm going to be deceptive this afternoon. Seems only fair, nicht wahr?

Cromer posted 4/14/2018 09:16 AM

"It's not what it looks like"

I never understood this statement from a cheater. Good luck today brother.

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