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Mrhealed posted 4/16/2018 12:31 PM

LCL,

Glad OM is Racing consequences. He change your Life for good, now gestión is change forever.

If your WW is blowing your Phone, It may be to ask you to drop OM charge. She may be in Contact and has requested her to make you change your mind.

Anyhow, best way of action is no Contact with non of them, including inlaws. You need time to detach.

I must echo other, nothing would hace change your WW cheating behavior. Sooner or latter It has happened anyway.

You have a New Life waiting for you !! Dont waste more head space and go for It.

Good luck

MidnightRun posted 4/16/2018 12:35 PM

I had mentioned earlier to expect a last ditch plea to reconsider, and most of us here know what the text messages read like. I've personally been there. It's par for the course.

Don't stew on what you could have done to prevent the affair. It's wasted emotional energy. She broke her vows, thus the end of the marriage.

Counseling is your best immediate move. It'll help you get past this trauma sooner rather than later.

On emasculation--you were never, ever less than a man. Your wife, however, was less than a woman.

Glad the slime ball posom is getting his due. Let's see how the 'stud' reacts to man-size challenges.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 1:00 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

WilliamM posted 4/16/2018 12:37 PM

Your stbxw is now facing the consequences of her actions. She is desperate. I hope that she leans on her parents for support and that she goes to counseling. We had one WW commit suicide over this and we do not want that to happen to your stbxw. Counseling is a must for her. I would suggest you receive counseling as well.

Those rabbit holes are a bugger. Your thoughts will go to so many different places. But remember that this is not your fault. You did nothing to make her cheat. And her miscarriages are not an excuse to cheat. She is the guilty party here. You are showing great courage through this trying time. Stay strong. Lean on your support: your friends, your family, your unit. They will all be there for you. And so will we at SI. I respect they hell out of you squid...lol Sending some Army love your way.

goalong posted 4/16/2018 13:14 PM

It is interesting that she had such a close relationship with the OM until very recently and now she is apparently devastated. How can the mind switch so quickly?

Unhinged posted 4/16/2018 13:26 PM

Edit: Folks, I took down what was here earlier. This morning it just seemed... self-aggrandizing to me. If anyone desires it, I'll PM the creed which I had posted last night. - J
Be proud of who've become, son, What you've accomplished with your career is no easy feat!
He's currently charged under Article 134 with the sheet in an open status pending the JAG investigation. He now knows he's officially fucked.
I had to look this up because I don't remember much about the UCMJ. Having read it, a few memories surfaced. This is one of those rather nebulous codes that pretty much let's a service member know he's royally screwed-up his career. Man, when the hammer falls...
OK, the rabbit hole I'm going down right now is "What could I have done differently to prevent "A" from straying?" I know, I know... Probably nothing. But where I'm at specifically is A: What if one or both her miscarried babies had successfully carried to term, or B: What if I had pressed harder to keep trying & there were one or more children in the house? Would that have kept her legs closed? I can't know that, can I?
Brother, infidelity is a mind-fuck of epic proportions. I drove myself absolutely bonkers trying to figure it out. It wasn't until I finally gave up all hope of trying to comprehend the incomprehensible that I finally understood that I will never understand. And that's okay. I don't have to understand. For a man like me, who hates ignorance and not being able to understanding things, it's been a real struggle. Accepting this wasn't easy, but it is what it is.

The only way you'll ever come close to understanding why your STBXWW did what she did is for her to figure it out and then explain it to you as well as she can. It takes most WS a long time (years) to own and fix their shit. Some never do. Maybe she will. It seems rather obvious that you have no intention to give her that chance, so the point's rather moot, isn't it?

You may not believe it, but if you stick around SI long enough, you'll start to see that infidelity has more to do with human nature than it does with marriages and spouses. However counter-intuitive it may seem, there's nothing you could have done differently to have 'made' your WW own and fix her shit. That has to come from within, you know?

Infidelity isn't a one-off choice. It's the result of a life-time of issues; poor coping mechanisms, bad decision making, selfishness, entitlement. Some WS have truly serious issues and disorders, are themselves the victims of childhood abuse and so on and so forth.

It's entirely possible, if not probable, that your WW would have still cheated had she married anyone else.

I've been on this site for nearly three years and I've come to know the stories of many betrayed husbands. I've got a lot in common with some of these men and hardly anything at all in common with others. The only thing I have in common with all of them is that my wife cheated.

You're going to fall down that rabbit hole and it's entirely up to you how far down it takes you. I've explored those depths and clawed my way back out. Each time it gets a little easier, because you know you've done it before, that you've been there and done. Each time it happens, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on, mister.

The 'what if's will drive you mad. Keep your eyes on the horizon.

Fenderguy posted 4/16/2018 13:27 PM

Send her 1, and only 1 text. Include your attorneys name and number, and insist that all communication between the two of you has come to an end. You’ll see her for divorce related reasons, and then never again. Block her number and all forms of social media, get anew phone plan, possibly even a new number. The best way to handle her is to completely cut her out. I would’ve done the same if it weren’t for my kids.

You have no kids. She makes enough money to sustain herself. The D should be pretty clean cut. It’s a shame that she’ll probably get half of the value of the house, but I don’t see any way around that. Let the lawyers handle that. You are still plenty young, and have a good life and a great career ahead of you. Don’t waste another minute of it on her!!

[This message edited by Fenderguy at 1:31 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

reallyscrewedup7 posted 4/16/2018 13:31 PM

*** Warning - This is TOTAL speculation on my part and would never want to impugn the reputation of the SEAL community, but ***

Goodness. Is this OM suicidal or just that fucking stupid. Sleeping around with the wife of SEAL team officer? Maybe things are different today, but my impression (just as a doc looking from the outside) was that the SEALs were as tight a group as any in the entire military. They look out for their own. And POSOM had to see your pictures in the house with the tridents and all.

He is going to be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his miserable effing life not knowing what or when the hell is coming.

I have known stupid people with death wishes but this guy is beyond mentally deficient...

[This message edited by reallyscrewedup7 at 1:33 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

Cooley2here posted 4/16/2018 13:37 PM

Miscarriages are devastating but they don’t cause women to cheat. She had therapists in town. Instead she chose to cheat.
If you spend some time reading on here you will see every excuse under the sun. My “favorite”is that it “just happened”.

Auban posted 4/16/2018 13:47 PM

@reallyscrewedup7,

you would be surprised. even with the green hats i see the same stuff with them all the time

there is no making sense of an affair. there is never any logic to it.

cheaters cheat because that is who they choose to be. its just what they choose to do at the time.

squid posted 4/16/2018 13:58 PM

One thing I can appreciate is how the military metes out punishment to cheaters.

In the civilian sector most cheaters seem to never have to face real consequences.

Cabrona posted 4/16/2018 14:03 PM

You posted an awesome explanation of the difference between motivation and discipline, You believed when you married your wife.... when you were all of 21 & 22, that you had married a girl who was your equal, and no doubt she is a highly motivated, extremely intelligent professional, but she did not have your understanding of the importance of discipline. Discipline has a moral aspect that means you overcome selfishness and entitlement, it’s not just doing the same hard work day after day.

[This message edited by Cabrona at 2:05 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

tikismom posted 4/16/2018 14:06 PM

LCL,

Hope you are doing as well as possible. Thank you again for your service. I hope you are able to decompress a bit; this was a lot building up for a long time, so I'm sure there is a bit of relief now that she knows you know about it. Please keep us updated. I wish you well.

Cabrona posted 4/16/2018 14:17 PM

PS... if it takes living with her parents, your parents , or having your babies to watch over...
to keep her busy, if this is what it takes to keep her faithful? Then A is not the woman for you, The work you do requires someone you can trust when nobody is watching or needing to be watched over by her.

[This message edited by Cabrona at 2:20 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

MidnightRun posted 4/16/2018 14:38 PM

It never ceases to amaze me how waywards will walk over hot coals to keep someone with integrity, despite being despicable themselves.

ZenMumWalking posted 4/16/2018 14:55 PM

LtCdr, I don't think the creed post was self-aggrandizing. Rather, for me it was very educational and gave me more insight to your way of thinking. Thank you for that.

I think that a lot of us tend to think that our spouses think like us. That makes a lot of sense and also helps us to feel that we know who they are. Which makes it all the more devastating when they turn out not to be that person.

You came out of this with your dignity and integrity. She came out with jack.

LtCdrLost posted 4/16/2018 15:26 PM

DeadMum, I PM'd it to you.

twisted posted 4/16/2018 15:35 PM

LtC,
Was there anything you could have done? I doubt it. It wasn't about you. It never was. It was always about her.
I treated my wife well, good provider, had known her since high school, never gave her any reason whatsoever to not trust me, yet she cheated,...many times. I'm the world's nicest guy, the whole town would have turned their back on her if they knew.

Maybe it's some childhood issue, maybe it's just lack of character, maybe they didn't see marriage as a covenant before God and society, maybe they're mentally screwed up for some chemical or hormone reasons.

In the end, I've always said to it comes down to:
They wanted too, and didn't think they'd get caught. It's really that simple.

LtCdrLost posted 4/16/2018 15:43 PM

I might take a few slings & arrows for laughing about this, but laughs haven't really been thick on the ground for me lately. The PO1 who stepped in while I was gone, A) Cried as the charges were read to him, B) Told the CO & CMC that he'd plead guilty if he could request Mast (Article 15, non-judicial punishment), and C) Had a small meltdown when the Skipper told him "Petty Officer that's not how this works. Unless you consent to a Summary Court Martial, you're going before a Special Court Martial with these charges", and JAG would be appointing him a lawyer unless he was retaining civilian counsel.

Petty Officer, I hope she was worth it.

nothisfriend posted 4/16/2018 15:53 PM

OMG he really thought with his d*ck, didn't he? His poor BS and kids.

I have a family member who is Navy and had to deal with infidelity amongst crew. People really are stupid.

You are doing a fine job, come see us in Divorce & Separation when you are ready.

skins21 posted 4/16/2018 15:56 PM

Wow, that's awesome! I would laugh about that too. There isn't much in the way of humor for these situation but watching swift justice being delivered to OM must be great.

I think many men on this site are envious that you are able to seek justice in this way. In my case OM still has his job and probably still is sleeping with multiple married women. My WW was only 1 of many and his company is protecting him. All of the other women have been fired or left while he remains in his 100k cushy IT job just using the company as his personal brothel.

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