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LtCdrLost posted 4/26/2018 09:27 AM

what are your feelings about officers who cheat on their civilian wives (or husbands)?

No different. No different at all. Faithlessness is faithlessness. I'm just giving my narrative from my particular perspective.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 9:28 AM, April 26th (Thursday)]

MidnightRun posted 4/26/2018 11:13 AM

It's perfectly normal to want to burn om to the ground, but my anger was directed at ww. She's the one who fell for a bullshit line. The om was an hapless loser masquerading as a man.

Separately, om in your case indeed may have used government resources during the affair. In general, what was om professuonal duties?

Kamstel posted 4/26/2018 11:15 AM

Do you know if the posom took the the court martial or is it moving to special?

[This message edited by Kamstel at 12:29 AM, April 28th (Saturday)]

LivingWithPain posted 4/26/2018 11:19 AM

LtCdrLost I'm glad you had fun at Coronado. Did you happen to go by the Boat House at the marina for their brunch? It's not a bad place to eat.

Has the OM been officially charged by JAG yet?

Hg65 posted 4/26/2018 11:28 AM

what are your feelings about officers who cheat on their civilian wives (or husbands)?

It is epidemic in the aviation community. I think it goes back to the good'ol days of deploying and visiting all the ports... "boys being boys" kind of thing. Some of that thinking still lingers.

It is degrading to learn that all your efforts (house, kids, bills, and everything else) to support your husband's mission and career is met with such disregard.

My advice to newly married and young wives of military members: Have a job and be able to stand on your own 2 feet at any given time. Do not take part in spouse clubs for your husband's sake, Do not bow to pressure to be something in order to further his career, focus on yourself.

I learned that lesson the hard way.

TimelessLoss posted 4/26/2018 11:58 AM

LtCdr,

I don't hate "A", and I certainly don't want her to come to a bad end over this.
That is the place you want to be. You'll heal faster. And with that in mind in your convo w/FIL:

1. Counsel him to take any articulation of self harm seriously. Find her the best possible care because she may not ever articulate those thoughts. It is above your pay grade and FIL/MIL's pay grade to get her through something like this.

2. Misappropriation of property/time is the low hanging fruit of an investigation. Lying while under oath is the career kiss of death (his is likely over in any event). JAG may question "A" to catch him in a lie. FIL should counsel "A" to be forthcoming if questioned. Her clearance is at risk if she lies. IMO she was trying to protect the OM with you. That is a losing strategy if she is questioned. A good investigator will already have evidence before asking a question, therefore Lying does no good.


LtCdrLost posted 4/26/2018 12:18 PM

Midnight, the SSoS is (was? ha ha) LPO in an airframe shop.

Kamstel, I don't know.

Living, I spent most of my time at my brother's place in Nevada. And I don't know the status of the prosecution. I'd guess there's still an open investigation since his charge sheet was open when I last heard. I need to exhibit a professional disinterest in that and let information come to me.

Timeless, I left FIL a voicemail earlier.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 12:19 PM, April 26th (Thursday)]

william posted 4/26/2018 13:52 PM

I remember at norfolk the clubs were packed with women whenever a float went out. They would literally wave bye on the dock to their husbands and race to the club for some cock. Crazy.

TimelessLoss posted 4/26/2018 14:11 PM

LtCdr,

Did you open up to your brother?

MidnightRun posted 4/26/2018 14:14 PM

Expect your FIL to say ww has taken a turn for the worst.

LtCdrLost posted 4/26/2018 14:19 PM

Absolutely, Timeless.

Still no word from the Colonel, Midnight.

LtCdrLost posted 4/26/2018 14:24 PM

Iím aware of that William. Iíve been in Navy blue for 18 years this summer including the Boat School. For all I know my whore stbxw was trolling for strange cock every time I deployed. Fuck her, sheís part of my past, like a bad wind.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 2:24 PM, April 26th (Thursday)]

PricklePatch posted 4/26/2018 14:28 PM

LCL

Think about this. Express that you wish her no harm, but you can not be involved in any recovery or any closure. That she made her choices without your input and you need to worry about your own mental health. You hope for the best for her but to interact only fuels hope. There is no hope for the marriage or even friendship.

It sounds harsh, but sometimes the truth is harsh as you know.

Let him do the talking. Do reflective listening. If he says Aís therapist feels it is in her best interest to do some sessions. Say so I am understanding your asking me to attend sessions with A? Then state no purpose it would jeopardize your recovery.

PricklePatch posted 4/26/2018 15:44 PM

I should have also suggested that you remind him, that you dealt with this betrayal while deployed. You had no one there for your support. This is not a punishment for her, itís just your done. She has her parents, mental health professionals and nothing she can say can change things. She was fine doing her and your doing you.

I feel for her that is why I suggested getting him into play. I know you have a sense of honor. Do not let her engage. Part of surviving is becoming, meh! Besides your gone on a mission.

LtCdrLost posted 4/26/2018 17:10 PM

Spoke to "A's" father, he says he thinks she's "detached from reality", that she's talking about "when J gets back home from _____" and other nonsense. As some of you predicted, he thinks my talking to her would, in his words, do her a world of good. "No. Nein. Nyet. Never fucking happening, sir. I learned 2 1/2 months into a seven month deployment what I was really married to, I had to suck it up and drive on. Sir, I'm leaving tomorrow for a training evolution, I'll be unreachable. Please get "A" the help she needs. And sir: Please don't contact me directly again about how "A" is handling her burning our marriage to the ground." It was a cold parting. Another bridge burned...

MidnightRun posted 4/26/2018 17:16 PM

Yep, the 'turn for the worse' narrative.

Been there. Done that.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 5:26 PM, April 26th (Thursday)]

ZenMumWalking posted 4/26/2018 17:45 PM

he thinks my talking to her would, in his words, do her a world of good.

And her not banging fucktoy would have done YOU a world of good.

Coreofsteel posted 4/26/2018 17:53 PM

"A" was detached from reality during the affair, actually. She's now having to face the consequences. Can't get much more real than that.

Kamstel posted 4/26/2018 18:03 PM

Good for you!

I just read the entire thread, and would like to say a few things...í
1). You are impressive! Damn impressive!!!
2). Congrats on the promotion.
3). If you are similar to the other man and women that we have in the Navy, our military and our country are in great shape.
4). I canít begin to express how sorry I am that you found yourself in this situation.
5). Thank you for serving, and also thank you for posting everything here. I know a lot of betrayed men and women could learn a great deal from your example.
6). And on the bright side, think of how good the past nine months is going to look when you screen for flag.
You were dealing with absolute chaos, but you kept your head, you kept your wit, and you lead your team through all sorts of problems, to the point where you received the chest candy upon your return.
Isnít that Ability, arenít those the characteristics exactly what we want from ourAdmirals?

And I also would like to ask one question if you donít mind.
In one of the comment you said that you had to speak at the return to base ceremony. Did you bring up any comments about thanking the families and that wives for their dedication and commitment to their deployed family members?

Please keep us informed about the status of the POS. I think everybody is hoping for six, six, and a kick! (at least at least)

Good luck and enjoy the training, And as always, please be careful.
We need more men like you

[This message edited by Kamstel at 7:16 PM, April 26th (Thursday)]

WhatsRight posted 4/26/2018 19:35 PM

What a shit I am for this personal aside, but reading your story has taken me back.

My dad was a LtCdr in the Navy. Served in WWII and the Korean War. He served on an LCI. I was born abroad.

I have read all of your posts here, as you go through this unimaginable experience. My dad had the most integrity, strength, and character of anyone I have ever known.

Reading your texts has reminded me of him. His love for all things "Navy". His problem solving expertise. And strength. His stories about his service.

Thank you for YOUR service. Thank you for living your "service" even in light of ths most horrific situation.

My best hopes and 🙏🙏🙏 for your future happiness and success.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 7:36 PM, April 26th (Thursday)]

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