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MrMagnolia posted 5/5/2018 16:06 PM

ltCdrLost,

Check out my signature. You are not the only one. If I was able to maintain true NC from my STBXW (we have two kids and she has been fighting to try and get back into my life) I would probably already consider her a ghost at this point. Eventually, I will get there regardless.

I did the same thing with complete emotional detachment after a fallout with a member of my own family growing up and though I've forgiven them and they are still physically alive and involved in my life through my other family members, well for me there's just no way to bring them back to life. I feel nothing for them.

LtCdrLost posted 5/5/2018 16:07 PM

This is an excellent idea, and it speaks to your strength. There is an undeserved stigma associated with this, but these folks are trained specialists and are there for a good reason.

These are Navy personnel, part of the Medical Corps, USN. There's no stigma attached, but I couldn't go outside to a civilian. Part of the job I do for the Navy.

MidnightRun posted 5/5/2018 16:08 PM

The Navy has given you a framework for overcoming obstacles in the pursuit of excellence. That mindset should allow you to fully embrace counseling and other resources available for healing.

There are shovels for the shit pile.

LtCdrLost posted 5/5/2018 16:09 PM

MrMagnolia, I recognize that quote from its un-paraphrased form. Very apt, sir.

LtCdrLost posted 5/5/2018 16:14 PM

MidnightRun, you're 100% correct. NSWC wants this resolved, sort of a mental "clear the decks for action". There will be no stigma in taking advantage of that. The opposite will be true in fact. Both my Team and my Group commands have made it clear they're behind me in this. As I mentioned many pages back, these are the men whose approbation I desire. At this point, with my charade of a marriage a smoking ruin, I am 110% dedicated to NSW and my career. With my regular commission, there are no limits on me.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 4:22 PM, May 5th (Saturday)]

ZenMumWalking posted 5/5/2018 16:26 PM

There is an undeserved stigma associated with this

Just to clarify, I meant in general and not specifically in the military. And I agree that it would be worse for the military NOT to provide this service for those who need it.

I am so pleased that you have so much support from your colleagues and superiors. You will get through this.

MidnightRun posted 5/5/2018 16:40 PM

"....there are no limits on me."

The jewel in the discussion.

PricklePatch posted 5/5/2018 17:21 PM

That is what I wish for you, not to get bogged down but to thrive. You have that inner strength to decide to be successful and follow through.

Also setting personal goals besides career is good to. I know you are a 24/7, 365 days a year guy. Think of some new things to do. Places to visit. Try something new. It’s a world full of wonder, you see enough of the hard stuff.

20yrsagoBS posted 5/6/2018 20:25 PM

(((HUGS))) Sweetie, your wife IS dead. This A that you see, is merely the shell of what's left. Your marriage was murdered by A and the OM.

You'll be grieving. Get ready to experience it. It's a wise move to book some time with a Mental Health professional to help you mourn.

We're here should you need us.

Shattereddd posted 5/7/2018 10:21 AM

The way your articulate your thoughts and feelings is so incredibly valuable to this community, I know it is to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to update. You are helping other BSs immensely, whether you realize it or not.

I too could not not divorce my XWW, even if I wanted to be with her (which I did), because I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again. And I too could only *begin* to heal by considering my XWW literally dead. Without it, I couldn't stop the urges to rugsweep, blame myself, reach out to her. It has allowed me to move forward with my life and become a better man. I would bet that it is a very common coping mechanism for many a BS.

You, sir, are a hero....in more ways than one. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your strength and leadership, both here and in the real world.

Kamstel posted 5/7/2018 18:27 PM

Sorry to bother you with a foolish question

I’ve gotten most of your references, even “sugar cookies”, butbwhat is NSWC?


And as I said previously, think of how good the last 6 months will look when you are being screened for Flag. You had to deal with Hell and still stay focus on the mission. Obviously you did well as you were decorated for your actions during the deployment and will be promoted on Oct. 1st!

Think about how you have handled yourself these last 6 months. Isn’t that the characteristics and traits we want from our admirals?


Great job!

flowerfarmer posted 5/7/2018 21:08 PM

NSWC Naval Surface Warfare Center, I think.

Kamstel posted 5/8/2018 10:08 AM

Any word from your lawyer?

TimSC posted 5/8/2018 11:50 AM

Naval Special Warfare Command.

Think "Seals"

SpokenFor posted 5/8/2018 12:08 PM

... and not Naval Surface Weapons Center (!)

LivingWithPain posted 5/8/2018 17:35 PM

I find it very interesting that she has made no move at all to contact you.

TheGuy123 posted 5/8/2018 19:54 PM

@LWP...a few pages back FIL contacted LT and mentioned WW was phucked up in the head.

Her "husband" is deployed so she knows she can't contact him so she's out screwing around like always.

The reality is way to painful for her to face...who knows how long she has been doing this mind phuck she uses to sleep at night or look in the mirror??

I bet the inlaws now see this unhealthy behavior and put a blind eye to it.....I'm guessing her folks put a blind eye to a lot of shyt she did through out her life?

That's my $0.02 on why the NC from his ex old lady.

TheGuy123 posted 5/8/2018 19:58 PM

BTW...thank you for sticking around a sharing.

Read some of your post on other thread and it's good shyt....thanks for sticking around!

MariaBlue posted 5/8/2018 23:57 PM

Wow, I just now finished reading this entire thread. What a reviting read!!! Bravo to you, sir LtC, for a masterful job of extricating yourself from your STBWW. Your decisiveness was so glorious. You are absolutely amazing.

Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you also for serving our country with such pride and honor.

Well done, LtC. Very well done. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

LtCdrLost posted 5/10/2018 09:26 AM

I just had a 30 minute teleconference with my attorney back in VaBch. The D train is chugging along. Apparently stbxFIL has stepped up and convinced "A" to #1, get her own attorney & allow the D to move along, and #2, that the marriage is dead. It looks like the old man isn't going to be the PITA I was starting to expect. She's moved out of the house, it's going on the market as soon as I RTB, proceeds to be divided equally after my inheritance driven payoff of the mortgage is factored out.
All in all, with the caveat that I'd have vastly preferred that none of this had ever happened, that my wife could've remained faithful to me, this chapter of my life may be closed out more simply than I'd have imagined just three weeks ago.

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