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Home From Deployment to Hell

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overit62 posted 5/10/2018 10:00 AM

good news and I'm happy for you and also hope the smooth ride continues.

Kamstel posted 5/10/2018 10:00 AM

Iím sorry, but also happy for you.

Now it just appears that the only loose end to tie up is POS, hope you hear some good news on that front as soon as you return

LtCdrLost posted 5/10/2018 10:16 AM

hope the smooth ride continues.

I'd like to first say thank you for the kind sentiment extended.
The only thing smooth about this has been the execution of the carefully laid plan to put a stop to my wife's playtime and extricate myself from all that. There have been bumps in that, even. The stbxw and her parents showing up on base the day after she was served is an example.
One day soon I'm going write an account of how it was to be deployed literally on the other side of the planet while in possession of the sure & confirmed knowledge that my wife was carrying on like a newlywed with another man back at home. I at times had to exert willpower & discipline I never truly knew I had to keep that compartmentalized and continue functioning at a high level within mission parameters. That topic has actually been discussed at length between not just myself and my contemporaries, but between myself and my chain of command. I've learned that every action I took from December onward has been parsed to the n'th degree by my command.
I'll be back in the Tidewater sometime this weekend, I intend to participate here from a posture of advising and coaching the betrayed to take control of their situations.

Cooley2here posted 5/10/2018 10:53 AM

Who actually told you? Although you needed to know I wonder if the person thought it through what that did to you. Maybe giving you a heads up after you were back home would have helped. I know helplessness and it stinks. Thank you for just getting through it and helping keep us safe here on this side of the planet.

MidnightRun posted 5/10/2018 10:59 AM

Cooley2,

The commander finding out while deployed was a blessing in disguise.

Sanibelredfish posted 5/10/2018 11:21 AM

LCL,

I at times had to exert willpower & discipline I never truly knew I had to keep that compartmentalized and continue functioning at a high level within mission parameters. That topic has actually been discussed at length between not just myself and my contemporaries, but between myself and my chain of command. I've learned that every action I took from December onward has been parsed to the n'th degree by my command.

Your ability to compartmenalize in that situation was remarkable. I imagine the most remarkable part is maintaining your mental focus under some extremely trying (potentially overtly hostile) conditions; tough already, harder still when dealing with betrayal. Based on your pending promotion and chest candy, I suspect your performance did not suffer in the least. So, could the parsing being done by your COC have additional benefit to you at promotion time?

Lalagirl posted 5/10/2018 11:23 AM

Thank God this will be over soon...but sorry this happened...

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 11:24 AM, May 10th (Thursday)]

PricklePatch posted 5/10/2018 11:30 AM

LCL

I am relieved for you that your FIL, brought A around to acceptance of the divorce. In this messed up situation it is for the best.

This whole situation is numerous punches to you.

Virtual hugs

MrMagnolia posted 5/10/2018 11:51 AM

One day soon I'm going write an account of how it was to be deployed literally on the other side of the planet while in possession of the sure & confirmed knowledge that my wife was carrying on like a newlywed with another man back at home. I at times had to exert willpower & discipline I never truly knew I had to keep that compartmentalized and continue functioning at a high level within mission parameters.

Whoooa Damn, there are at least five kinds of hard feels that hit me when I read that. Yet I'm struggling to find any words to give back. I guess just know that I would follow you into the gates of hell, sir.

TimelessLoss posted 5/10/2018 11:55 AM

LtCdr,

Re: compartmentalization and discipline.

That topic has actually been discussed at length between not just myself and my contemporaries, but between myself and my chain of command. I've learned that every action I took from December onward has been parsed to the n'th degree by my command.
Was this your adultery response actions or your mission related actions? Your team/command didn't know about the adultery during the time period you were deployed did they?
And this last question is one you certainly do not need to answer. Were your actions reviewed to confirm that you remained fit for duty the entire time period? Again, we don't need that insight. So just ignore if you wish, as if it were never asked.

You, your teammates, and your command, operate at an extraordinarily high functional level. For that, I am grateful.

MidnightRun posted 5/10/2018 13:31 PM

I'm sure the Navy leadership recognizes character and talent-- individuals like Lt.C, who undoubtley will be continuosly supported by an extaordinary camaraderie.

He's certainly admiral prospects.

LtCdrLost posted 5/10/2018 13:59 PM

Timeless, strictly mission related. It's actually become a case study and I have a debrief scheduled next week. My personal issues were not officially known to my chain of command, there's not a protocol for relief because one's wife is a cheating whore. Informally, officers who outrank me by a considerable distance have shaken my hand on the actions I took against my stbxw and her living breathing dildo. The cheated on Sailor is a timeworn tale in the Navy.

LtCdrLost posted 5/10/2018 14:08 PM

Midnight, thank you. Very few Flags come from this community, but there are some. My regular commission and the record I've compiled slightly more than halfway up the food chain make it a possibility. I've been spoken to about gaining a graduate degree at the Naval War College which would certainly burnish my prospects for that eventuality. As I get closer to the pointy end of the pyramid, operational opportunities become much less frequent. Right now though, I'm just looking for the color of my Oak Leaves to change.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 2:08 PM, May 10th (Thursday)]

MidnightRun posted 5/10/2018 14:59 PM

LtC,

You're working from a solid foundation to reach any goal--character, discipline and justice.

Sadly, your stbxw knows it as well.

overit62 posted 5/10/2018 15:16 PM

Lt I know the finding out was tough. I was only talking about the divorce being smooth. After I found out and left 18 years ago come July 9th my xww decided to fight me over everything for 2 years. I would not wish that on anyone but I can tell you that it will get better.Like my user name you will get over it eventually.

OneInTheSame posted 5/10/2018 15:34 PM

The cheated on Sailor is a timeworn tale in the Navy.

As is the cheated-on girl back home, waiting for his return with the engagement ring. Here in the Seattle area we have Seafair Fleet-Week (never attended), which many of my female co-workers (professional women) anticipated with great glee, looking forward to the happy sailors looking to hook-up and party. Also timeworn. Seems your OM might have been of this ilk.

[This message edited by OneInTheSame at 3:40 PM, May 10th (Thursday)]

TimelessLoss posted 5/10/2018 19:13 PM

Perhaps part of the debrief will be to ask your thoughts about having a such a protocol. It's an interesting thought because it would require the service member to disclose the issue. Quite a bit different than family services notifying Command of a stateside emergency.

Would future advancement to O-6 mean an automatic posting to the five sided building in DC? Staff vs Operations...riding a desk no matter how interesting the portfolio is a sea change.

Should you go to the NWC I'd give my eye teeth to read your thesis/dissertation.

pureheartkit posted 5/10/2018 20:59 PM

Do you have any insight looking back now? Why couldn't she have come to you with her feelings? You deserved that consideration. If you can help anyone in the same situation, that's a wonderful gift. I think it's sad that anyone would cheat, especially on a faithful spouse serving our nation. I know you have to make hard decisions all the time. May life give you some happy ones after this is over.

[This message edited by pureheartkit at 9:08 PM, May 10th (Thursday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 5/10/2018 21:39 PM

Idk, Iím better when Iím NOT trying to figure out the motivation
behind a sick personsís actions....

Best to keep focusing on yourself and moving forward.....

Dismayed2012 posted 5/11/2018 08:57 AM

"I intend to participate here from a posture of advising and coaching the betrayed to take control of their situations."

I hope you continue to. I've seen your posts on other threads. Yours is a textbook example to everyone of how to handle a bad situation.

"Informally, officers who outrank me by a considerable distance have shaken my hand on the actions I took against my stbxw and her living breathing dildo."

I'd be shaking your hand too. I and everyone here knows you've gone through all of the emotional turmoil and questioning that we have, and you prevailed over it with resolve. Very awesome.

"The cheated on Sailor is a timeworn tale in the Navy."

Sadly it's in every branch. It does seem the Navy and Air Force take it a lot more seriously than the Army does.

I'm glad to hear that your stbx [hopefully] won't be hindering the process. The support you're receiving from others in your circle is great to see too. That type of support is a big help when going through turmoil in your personal life. Keep pressing on. Maybe War College? Nice.

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