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Humiliated and Angry

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faithfulman posted 10/23/2019 12:27 PM

Posted by Westway:

My WW is not stupid. She's a whore, but she's not a dumb whore.

Well, she ain't all that smart if she left this evidence to be turned up, used shared resources, sent emails with naked pics that have been retrieved by your PI (You have the actual pics, correct?) and more...

I think conniving is a better description.

Good luck, this is an incredible mind-fuck she laid on you.

The sooner she is out of your life, the better - but don't be too nice to her in the name of expeditiousness!

Dismayed2012 posted 10/23/2019 12:49 PM

I would think that giving OM number 1's wife the information you have on him would be punishment enough. It would be a waste of your time and energy to serve any of them a beat-down unless they're in your face begging for it. It also keeps you our of jail.

I've been reading your thread and I'm amazed at how well you're navigating your situation. I'm thinking that your strategy is going to save you a lot of headache later on. Keep up the measured approach and you could come out of this relatively unscathed. Also thankfully you won't be carrying any STD baggage with you. You've got a good plan. Keep your heart and anger in check. You've got this. Take care of yourself.

survrus posted 10/23/2019 12:54 PM


WoW just WOW, your WW wasn't just a cheater it was a fully time profession. That's a resume.

Sorry, but I'm glad you were able to get the truth.

Westway posted 10/23/2019 14:04 PM


Dismayed2012

I've been reading your thread and I'm amazed at how well you're navigating your situation. I'm thinking that your strategy is going to save you a lot of headache later on. Keep up the measured approach and you could come out of this relatively unscathed. Also thankfully you won't be carrying any STD baggage with you. You've got a good plan. Keep your heart and anger in check. You've got this. Take care of yourself.

I wish I was doing well. I may have a plan but I'm a freaking wreck. I cry myself to sleep plenty. I've cried more in the last two weeks than I have my entire life.

Westway posted 10/23/2019 14:06 PM

Well, she ain't all that smart if she left this evidence to be turned up, used shared resources, sent emails with naked pics that have been retrieved by your PI (You have the actual pics, correct?) and more... !

Actually she had that stuff buried deep in a secret e-mail I never would have found. This P.I. is really good.

Atrowspark posted 10/23/2019 14:28 PM

Wow, I believe you already answered it, but it is still amazing to me how that much money spent on stuff outside of the household went unnoticed.

SnowToArmPits posted 10/23/2019 15:04 PM

Unlucky with your wife, really fortunate with the PI you chose, good for you.

That was tough reading all the affair details.

But you know what - fuck your wife. Leave her in your past, move on as quick as you can and never talk to her again once you're divorced.
Quit crying over her and your marriage. The sooner you get over this, the better.

Choosing the PI has put you way ahead of most guys who are in infidelity. Way ahead. You're doing well.

You're being very mindful of your daughters, well done. Be there for them all you can, that's quite a mother they have, the poor girls.

Westway posted 10/23/2019 15:28 PM

Wow, I believe you already answered it, but it is still amazing to me how that much money spent on stuff outside of the household went unnoticed.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

pearlamici posted 10/23/2019 15:37 PM

Don't take offense - that's alot of money to me (and most people) I'm questioned when I make a charge anywhere.

Westway posted 10/23/2019 15:43 PM

I never monitored my WW's credit card. I never thought I needed to. I gave her $1,000 a month for her own spending. I didn't watch how she spent it. She kept the card paid down. No late notices or hits to our credit. I trusted her. I had no reason to look.

She was not one of these people who got herself into $50k in credit card debt. Like I said, she kept it paid down.

survrus posted 10/23/2019 16:13 PM

Westway

I never monitored my WW's credit card. I never thought I needed to. I gave her $1,000 a month for her own spending. I didn't watch how she spent it. She kept the card paid down. No late notices or hits to our credit. I trusted her. I had no reason to look.

So she would have kept this going until she was too old to have sex or got cervical cancer from the HPV.

She was willing to cake eat at your expense. Did the OM pay for anything?

DoinBettr posted 10/23/2019 16:17 PM

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Dude. Most people would notice that amount is all he meant. That is a family car to some people. You blew through more in PI fees then most people can afford.
Some people here can't afford counseling.

Now, I am going to fluff your ego a little because you sound like a mess. I've been there.

You have lots of ladies telling you that you are in great shape. You make great money apparently. You won't really have child drama. You mentioned having a huge piece earlier. Just ease up. Life will be awesome. Maybe focus on what happens after the divorce. Any women you kind of liked you turned down because you are married. See this as a chance at a wife you can love without all the drama.

Instead of rolling her AP(s), tell their OBS, to put some fire on your WW. How do you think they will react to your wife making their lives hell at home? Yeah, they will be pissed and her problem. Then maybe take a run at one of her friends. Wouldn't that be better than beating up the AP?
I bet one of her friends has her eye on you. I know which of my wife's friends do. Everyone knows that friend who is kind of handsy.

Just looking for your take on a better revenge plan. Plus something you can start doing during separation that isn't illegal.
WW sounds like the kind of woman who will pursue you harder once she knows you are playing the field.
I bet she thinks somehow this is all going to work out in her favor.

[This message edited by DoinBettr at 4:31 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

Buster123 posted 10/23/2019 16:48 PM

I agree, that's a lot of money to go unnoticed by most people, but I understand, you trusted her as you should have, she took advantage of that trust and betrayed you in one of the most horrific ways I've seen here, she's the poster child of a SERIAL CHEATER, I think you already mentioned this but just in case make sure you get reimbursed for all of that including PI fees and more, I'm sure you know deep down this just didn' start all of a sudden in 2014, she was probably cheating during your entire or most of your M but you just don't have proof of it (not that you need it now), and I think you at least need to describe the severity of her huge betrayal to make sure your daughters understand why the situation is beyond repair, I again suggest you tell them "I discovered WW has been cheating on me multiple times with different OMs and spent family money with them for many years until recently and that's a deal-breaker for me" (no gory details), again you don't have to say the number of OMs, or how often just a brief description so that they can grasp the severity of it and don't even think and/or try to push for R or think that they could have done something about it to prevent D from happening, that's what I would do but of course it's your life and your call.

Marz posted 10/23/2019 16:53 PM

Hindsight is always 20/20 in these cases.

Like most you have total trust until......

NoOptTo posted 10/23/2019 17:39 PM

I like the idea of finding all her OM wives and giving them the information of their POS husbands. They dear to know the truth about their Ms also.

I'm sure your PI will be able to find them for you if needed. Again it will be money well spent to see your WW have to field inquiries from the OBSs.

Westway posted 10/23/2019 17:43 PM

Its all good stuff guys. Keep it coming.

I'm kind of a basket-case these days. The biggest concern for me right now is keeping my head together enough to keep my business going straight. I'm used to staying focused and not missing anything. Now I don't know if I can keep it all together. I've talked to my business partner. He's the only one outside my P.I., lawyer, priest and my WW who knows what is happening. He has agreed to pick up my slack and to check and recheck everything I do to keep me straight.

I've worked my ass off for twenty four years to get where I am now, and I'll be damned if this stupid b.... is going to make me lose it all. But its so damn hard to stay focused on the priorities.

Westway posted 10/23/2019 18:02 PM

I agree, that's a lot of money to go unnoticed by most people, but I understand, you trusted her as you should have, she took advantage of that trust and betrayed you in one of the most horrific ways I've seen here, she's the poster child of a SERIAL CHEATER, I think you already mentioned this but just in case make sure you get reimbursed for all of that including PI fees and more, I'm sure you know deep down this just didn' start all of a sudden in 2014, she was probably cheating during your entire or most of your M but you just don't have proof of it (not that you need it now), and I think you at least need to describe the severity of her huge betrayal to make sure your daughters understand why the situation is beyond repair, I again suggest you tell them "I discovered WW has been cheating on me multiple times with different OMs and spent family money with them for many years until recently and that's a deal-breaker for me" (no gory details), again you don't have to say the number of OMs, or how often just a brief description so that they can grasp the severity of it and don't even think and/or try to push for R or think that they could have done something about it to prevent D from happening, that's what I would do but of course it's your life and your call.

Yes I know deep down, in my gut, she has probably been cheating the whole time. It's hard to accept. And yes I might just tell my daughters something to that effect. Going to talk to my WW tonight and will try to come up with some kind of agreement as to how we are going to break it to them. I'll keep the recorder on.

Instead of rolling her AP(s), tell their OBS, to put some fire on your WW. How do you think they will react to your wife making their lives hell at home? Yeah, they will be pissed and her problem. Then maybe take a run at one of her friends. Wouldn't that be better than beating up the AP?
I bet one of her friends has her eye on you. I know which of my wife's friends do. Everyone knows that friend who is kind of handsy.
Just looking for your take on a better revenge plan. Plus something you can start doing during separation that isn't illegal.
WW sounds like the kind of woman who will pursue you harder once she knows you are playing the field.
I bet she thinks somehow this is all going to work out in her favor.

I can't even begin to guess what she is thinking. Maybe she thinks I'm going to do something crazy. Maybe she is planning on how to get her family to fight me. I don't know. I know I don't trust her or her family now.

I was mad earlier. I'm not going to rough up the OM#1 or any of them, but I may indeed send out gift baskets to their SOs later on after the divorce is final.

Hindsight is always 20/20 in these cases.
Like most you have total trust until......

Exactly.

I like the idea of finding all her OM wives and giving them the information of their POS husbands. They dear to know the truth about their Ms also.
I'm sure your PI will be able to find them for you if needed. Again it will be money well spent to see your WW have to field inquiries from the OBSs.

Yeah, the P.I. has identified five of them for now. He's still working on it. I don't know how he finds the info and I don't ask. It's all cloak and dagger.

Trdd posted 10/23/2019 19:46 PM

Westway, what a burden your WW laid on you. Your restraint in the situation is admirable.

The PI investment certainly has had a great ROI. So many betrayed never really know the extent of things... terrible though it may be, you have more data than 98%.

One thing I don't quite get... what was the conversation with your WW like? Did she deny the affairs? Did she try to minimize? Is she trying to tell you you are wrong? That she wants to stay married?

TheGuy123 posted 10/23/2019 19:50 PM

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this shyt.

I went through it 8 yrs ago and the wow factor is crazy.

Most folks just will never understand.... or believe it.

In my case it went on for seven years with 20 OM!

My WW wasn't that smart...didn't have to be when there is trust. Granted she accounted for her cash flow with buying "expensive" beauty products and had a friend that covered for her and watch the kids. My old lady didn't have a care in the world until she started getting sloppy with her attendance at home.

After 7 years of infidelity she started leaving in the middle of the night while I was a sleep... to pick up a "drunk girl friend".

I mean when there is so much trust and when you are building a career it can be easy to lose sight of what our WW is really doing.

With trust a long with making sure the kids and their where a bouts are covered a wayward can get away with anything.

Having been down this path I know exactly how it happens. Some betrayed get it some won't.

Some betrayed had a wayward that cheated with the same AP for decades and then some betrayed (like you and me) have a wayward that are serial cheaters that have many AP in a short period of time.

You are not alone. Heal quickly my friend!

TheGuy123 posted 10/23/2019 20:11 PM

It really is crazy weird...I mean alls it takes is a phone call from the bank or waking up in the middle of the night with your old lady gone to start questioning years of trust we betrayed once had for our spouse.

If any one can really under stand this kind of shyt...it's how it snow balls. The behavior of a wayward really has to snow ball into a reality in which we finally start to look into what's really going on with our wayward spouse.

Some times that extra purchase or unexplained absence can get excussed away when it happen once every few months...

BTW
Your kids are going to put two and two together once their moms infidelity comes out. All those sleep overs with friends....were was mom.
The change in moms mood when dad was on business trips. That's why mom was on the phone more when dad wasn't around. No wonder why mom was always late picking us up....

But at the end of the day that is between your old lady and her daughters. Her and her alone will have to answer to all your daughters questions why when dad was away she was different then when dad was around.

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