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Humiliated and Angry

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Westway posted 10/25/2019 15:09 PM

I will say, don't underestimate the ability for people to understand you are hurt. It will help you if you stay open to outside people helping you. Especially if you go the pain route not the anger route. Right now you are raw emotion. That is why I suggested finding a friend. You need it.

I wish I could think it was for the best, but my brother in law is not Mr. Empathy. No one in that family is. He would have someone bust my head open as soon as hug me.

KingofNothing posted 10/25/2019 15:50 PM

My priest was pretty horrified when I shared what my WW had done. He's getting me the paperwork to begin the annulment process. The legal divorce has to go through first. Then the legal divorce decree is submitted along with the other paperwork and a tribunal is scheduled. That's about all I know now.

Fantastic, West. I wish I had your priest. Mine was a young guy, obviously with limited experience and a very .. optimistic view of reconciliation. It took the better part of a year for me and cost $$ I didn't have at the time.

hansvoleman posted 10/25/2019 15:57 PM

Then the legal divorce decree is submitted along with the other paperwork and a tribunal is scheduled. That's about all I know now.

From a couple of friends here in the UK I understand that the evidence presented to a court is LESS rigorous than that of diocesean tribunal. One provable instance of adultery in a contested case here gets you a divorce. One friend said that the investigation in his and his wife's life together was like someone was writing their biography. Everything was examined to ensure the annulment was merited.

My thought is that your wife may be able to avoid disclosing the detail of what she has done in the divorce court by admitting adultery but her family may well be able to infer more from the annulment. When the annulment was granted to one friend, he was given a list of conditions (pre-marital counselling was one) he would have to pursue if he ever wanted to get married in church again. I can't begin to imagine what your wife's list would look like.

I am sad to see how badly you have been abused. I think there an extra dimension to the pain when you find out that you were a means to an end. That your spouse didn't pick you for who you are but rather for what you could provide. I had it for 5 years until she monkey branched to the next guy. The hit to my ego of being taken for a fool hit me very very hard then and even 20 years later I still occasionally have to deal with the anger and self doubt from that experience.

You are doing great. I wish I had your strength and resolution.


Newlifeisgreat posted 10/25/2019 16:03 PM

Tell him everything so he can’t blame you , and thereby send “Rocko” over to pay you a visit for hurting his innocent sister

ramius posted 10/25/2019 16:15 PM

I wish I could think it was for the best, but my brother in law is not Mr. Empathy. No one in that family is. He would have someone bust my head open as soon as hug me.

Well, once he hears that she cheated (probably from one of your daughters cousins....family news travels fast)his focus will hopefully be on his cheating sister.

survrus posted 10/25/2019 18:50 PM


Let your Brother in law loose on the OMs!

Cooley2here posted 10/25/2019 19:50 PM

Westway, please keep in mind that you have children who need to love their mother and feel her love for them. If you want revenge guess who gets burned. They do NOT need to know the details. Ever.
If she was neglectful or abusive that is a different story but you have not mentioned much about their relationships.
You have to understand your wife has some sort of addiction. Who knows why. Just keep your children’s welfare front and center with every decision you make. Once the words are out of your mouth there is no taking them back.

Sanibelredfish posted 10/25/2019 19:59 PM

Addiction?!? LOL. No, she just prefers black guys, but knew that would never be tolerated by her family. The only thing wrong with this picture is that she married Westway under false pretenses and then went behind his back with her preferred partners.

That said, I agree his WW’s relationship with her daughters is germane with regard to the reveal, but honesty (without brutality) is also essential for all relationships concerned.

NoOptTo posted 10/26/2019 12:43 PM

Hope your oldest DD made it home safe. And, that you take control over the family talk today. Be truthful and honest with your DDs. They are going to have many questions. They are going to need one solid honorable parent to help them through all that is about to occur with the family dynamic about to change. You want to be that parent. Your WW is going to be in too much damage control to be too supportive of her DDs. Set your boundaries and stand by them. It's going to be an emotional evening. Hope you can show your DDs your sadness rather then your anger.

bluewater posted 10/26/2019 14:51 PM

Just letting you know that you and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers.

Wishing you the strength you need and the peace and healing you desire

sleepylove posted 10/26/2019 22:08 PM

West way-it’s all such a horrible unnecessary disaster. I hope you find peace in all of this nonsense. You don’t deserve what you are dealing with.
Stay strong.

Butforthegrace posted 10/28/2019 06:58 AM

Westway, how did the weekend confrontation turn out?

Westway posted 10/28/2019 09:39 AM

Quick update because I'm getting ready to board a plane to L.A.

We told the girls Saturday afternoon. It was to the point and WW admitted she had committed adultery and that we could not get past it. I was satisfied with that. We told the girls we loved them and that we would do what we could to make sure their lives were not disrupted. It was sad, lots of crying and the girls are understandably upset with their mom, but there wasn't any of the hysterical drama I thought there would be. I wonder if they both knew. I haven't asked my oldest but she seemed to take it well as if she was expecting it. I asked them not to tell anyone, which of course meant they went out first thing and called their grandma and friends so now the whole suburb is aware my WW is a whore. Maybe I can start pimping her out to pay for the divorce. She probably would be up for it.

So yesterday my WW's phone was ringing non-stop with lots of the usual yelling and crying with her parents and siblings. I stayed in the garage and worked on my motorcycle and just stayed out of it. I ignored all the calls coming my way. I'll deal with her brothers and dad later. I have bigger fish to fry at work.

ramius posted 10/28/2019 10:48 AM

so now the whole suburb is aware my WW is a whore. Maybe I can start pimping her out to pay for the divorce. She probably would be up for it.

Dam, there goes the coffee again.

At least if she got paid she could claim her affairs were what they call a “side hustle” these days.

Alonelyagain posted 10/28/2019 11:18 AM

Your girls may not have known as a matter of fact, but probably suspected. Kids are much more attuned about what’s going on in the home than we realize or give them credit for.

Buster123 posted 10/28/2019 11:26 AM

Well done, and based on what you posted, yes there's a real possibility they suspected or saw things over the years. Talk to the inlaws when you're ready.

faithfulman posted 10/28/2019 11:57 AM

Posted by Westway:

so now the whole suburb is aware my WW is a whore. Maybe I can start pimping her out to pay for the divorce. She probably would be up for it.


At least whores get paid for their services. In this case, it seems like she was doing the paying - with your money!

Robert22205https posted 10/28/2019 12:42 PM

When you speak with the inlaws preface the conversation with notice that your Priest has reviewed the facts and recommends divorce vs MC or R.

Tigersrule77 posted 10/28/2019 13:33 PM

I'm glad things went OK with your kids. Sounds like you handled it well.

Now that it is behind you, have you started making any plans for your future? You seem to have handled this process pretty well and that you are moving towards D. You haven't mentioned moving out, if you are staying local or if you may move.

I'm not judging you. Your focus seemed to be very centered on the exposure and the discussion with your children, and that is understandable. It seems to me that now is the time for you to focus on yourself.

DoinBettr posted 10/28/2019 16:09 PM

It was sad, lots of crying and the girls are understandably upset with their mom, but there wasn't any of the hysterical drama I thought there would be. I wonder if they both knew. I haven't asked my oldest but she seemed to take it well as if she was expecting it.

Yeah, you are going to need to have that conversation with your oldest later. Just bottle it up for now.
Focus on yourself. Trust your girls really want the best for you.
Remember, don't be mad if they try to protect their mom. She is their mom no matter how much she has hurt you. I find just asking them to stand up for you as much as they do her typically sets the right mood.
Take care of your work. This mess isn't going anywhere. I am surprised your WW or your girls didn't try to talk to you before you left.

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