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Humiliated and Angry

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Westway posted 10/31/2019 17:59 PM

It worked out actually pretty good. They still divorced, but every time either one got angry, they would get all dolled up, get the other one drunk and really give it to the other(Yeah, they are freaky in a don't scroll through pictures on their cellphones kind of freaky).
They have a weird relationship where they never really broke up, they just got divorced, but he had to even out the sleeping around in numbers(3), then they stayed together. She didn't really care, she said women won't be into what he is into. Still not married officially, but common law by now I guess.

Well, I wouldn't touch her with a 20 foot cattle prod. No thanks.

You know its interesting, but we always had really great sex. That's the crazy thing. And often too. Like 4 times a week. I definitely wasn't neglecting her. I puke now thinking how many times I banged her within hours of her being with other guys. F*cking pig.


Lastly, when are the in laws going to light up your phone? Or did that already happen?

I've only talked to the oldest brother. After I leave work tonight I'm actually going over to the lair to talk the WW's parents.

Nah dude, the 180 is detaching so you can stop being involved with the other person's feelings and day-to-day ups and downs - she's been doing the 180 for years.

Yes. That is becoming more apparent all the time. But she did it in such a way that she made me think she loved me.

Buffer posted 10/31/2019 19:21 PM

There is some kind of love but more of the love for me and my lifestyle. Oh hey I am married maybe him to, nah not really

Westway posted 11/1/2019 10:36 AM

So I last night I got off work and went and saw the in-laws. I took my daughter because I had picker her up from practice. She went upstairs while I talked to them. MIL basically thinks that my WW was just flirting with other men, but I made it clear to both of them that she was in full blown sexual affairs with at least three men that I knew about.

Her dad asked me if I was going to move out and I said yes. Then he asked four or five other pointed questions, mostly about logistics, not how I was doing or how the girls were. Typical boss guy. I promised them I was not going after WW's house and that I was taking my personal possessions and leaving her with everything else. I told them that I would be asking for half of the equity back on what I had put into the house with my own money to fix it up. The old man just sat there with a stern look, nodded and didn't say much. He's a hard guy to read. You can see the wheels spinning in his head but he didn't say anything.

The MIL just kind of disappeared from the room. I was surprised she didn't stick around to berate me, but I guess learning that her daughter did indeed physically cheat on me took the wind out of her sails. So that was it. I just kind of got up and left. There weren't any kind words from them. It was anticlimactic really.

[This message edited by Westway at 10:37 AM, November 1st (Friday)]

Marz posted 11/1/2019 11:04 AM

Blood is thicker than water. From what you've posted and not that uncommon.

Get your fair share. Finances matter!!!!!!

hansvoleman posted 11/1/2019 11:08 AM

Sorry to read that her parents weren't even capable of acknowledging your pain. You've been in their lives a very long time.

Didn't your SIL make a comment about your wife's dating habits years ago? Is there a chance that her behaviour is not such a surprise to them?

DoinBettr posted 11/1/2019 11:56 AM

There weren't any kind words from them. It was anticlimactic really.

Super messed up.
I am surprised they didn't say anything, they were just worried about keeping her grandparent's house. Yeah, take equity of the whole house. It is marital assets, inherited or not. This will also keep her hands off of your business. Then you can pay her out on your terms if you want.

fareast posted 11/1/2019 12:01 PM

Pretty normal response from them unless you were super close to them yourself. They are not going to criticize their dd in front of you. They will circle the wagons. Protect yourself and your business that you have worked so hard to grow.

Westway posted 11/1/2019 13:19 PM

If I had told the old man that the OMs were black guys, I would have probably gotten shot. He would say I was lying.

bounceback67 posted 11/1/2019 16:04 PM

The MIL just kind of disappeared from the room. I was surprised she didn't stick around to berate me, but I guess learning that her daughter did indeed physically cheat†

Hi Westway
There's an old saying- apples don't fall far from tree.
Do you think this whole thing may have stirred up some old memories?

Stay Strong !


Buffer posted 11/1/2019 23:39 PM

Wise call

Tell them minimum but the truthful ways of WW. No need to bring in race or names. But there is more to come they will support their DD. They will believe what she says now and future.
Pays to keep your cards close to your chest. However; WW should be told by you that you have a feeling this goes deeper and would she care to divulge any more information to you.

Be there for your children. Move out on your terms. Have her served ASAP.

Good luck.

[This message edited by Buffer at 11:40 PM, November 1st (Friday)]

Marz posted 11/2/2019 01:55 AM

Keeping it to a minimum may have worked to your advantage.

Her family will be in her ear to take you to the cleaners.

You now have a trump card that you didn't play.

Proceed cautiously and wisely

Jduff posted 11/2/2019 12:05 PM

If I had told the old man that the OMs were black guys, I would have probably gotten shot. He would say I was lying.

I think both your FIL and BIL already know just on how they reacted to you telling what happened. Wasn't it her sister that blurted out your WW's past as a jab? I'm sure her sister blurted that fact many times before your WW even met you.

In any case you are handling your situation very well, Westway. However it concludes I hope it does so in the best interest for you and your daughters. If you can, get your girls into their own IC sessions as well. I did with my kids and it helped them a lot to be able to safely discuss their feelings about the situation to a third party with no judgement.

20yrsagoBS posted 11/2/2019 16:10 PM

Hang in there Westway!

Youíre soon to be free of infidelity!

I hope you have a celebration planned!

SnowToArmPits posted 11/2/2019 18:08 PM

If I had told the old man that the OMs were black guys, I would have probably gotten shot.

Bonus: divorce this woman, lose the in laws.


Westway posted 11/4/2019 08:32 AM

Got into it bad with my WW last night. She wants to R, but I told her flat out she was crazy if she thought I was going to take her nasty ass back. She said "I can change but you won't let me show you!"

I snapped and said something o the affect that the only thing worse about her being a slut is that she's a racist slut. She freaked out "I am not racist! WTF does that mean?"

I told she could fuck a different black guy every day but she would never marry one would she? That stopped her in her tracks. She didn't have an answer for that. I just went up to my room and told her I'm done talking to her about it.

Shockedmom posted 11/4/2019 09:16 AM

Do not engage her. She has lost you and may begin to fight dirty. Exit as gracefully as possible for the sake of your girls.

Hopefully you have found a new place and can begin a new life without her toxic influence.

Have a better day Westway.

Curious9 posted 11/4/2019 09:30 AM

I think you need to just say no anytime she asks. Dont entertain any real kind of a discussion with her. She has already decided what she did was not that big of a deal. I doubt seriously you could have a logical conversation with her that she would really understand. Its not about you. Its about what she wants. What she feels she deserves. Just stick to the direction your going and try to put as much distance as you can from her.

20yrsagoBS posted 11/4/2019 09:45 AM

Part of this process is detachment.

If you donít respond to her, eventually sheíll stop trying to engage you.

Hugs. Youíve got this

KingofNothing posted 11/4/2019 10:13 AM

I told she could fuck a different black guy every day but she would never marry one would she? That stopped her in her tracks. She didn't have an answer for that. I just went up to my room and told her I'm done talking to her about it.

As well deserved as this is, and as hard as it is to do, you may want to dial it back a bit. I agree with ShockedMom. Don't flip her ON switch and get her to engage the nasty until she's in your rear view mirror driving down the driveway to your new place. You have mentioned many times how nasty she has the potential to be. You have the cards here, you have the upper hand. Just keep the anger in check, you don't have much longer now. I know, easier said than done.

And I have to admit, that was an excellent comeback.

Okay, I have to ask, and don't bother if it's just a lot of "more of the same", but.. when I read this..

She wants to R, but I told her flat out she was crazy if she thought I was going to take her nasty ass back. She said "I can change but you won't let me show you!"

Is she delusional at this late date? You have shown her proof of the recent THREE affairs, right? How come she doesn't admit this is activity that would be a death blow to most marriages? She's seen the proof of the recent (2019) three affairs, right? Has she amplified how any marriage could recover from this? I am not slagging her, but that's beyond optimistic, even by my standards.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 10:30 AM, November 4th (Monday)]

fareast posted 11/4/2019 10:57 AM

Sheís desperate. Her double life is falling apart. She is losing the good family life and image you provided, while she slagged off. I totally get your anger. You need to vent. Please donít break another finger letting loose. But the others are correct. Use your anger in a smart way to move ahead. She will continue to grasp at straws. I must say itís amazing the crap they can spew when they are desperate. Less than three weeks ago when confronted, she told you she really had never been totally satisfied with your sex life, and if you stayed together she probably could not stop herself from continuing to cheat. Basically saying you will be in an open M if you stayed together. But, now, oh my, she can change! All she wants is you! We can R! So much bullshit. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 10:57 AM, November 4th (Monday)]

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