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Humiliated and Angry

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Westway posted 11/21/2019 10:23 AM

She's sexually greedy, at the expense of her marriage and family. I don't get how someone would knowingly throw away her family and marriage for orgasms. Sex is important and necessary, but there are many important things in a marriage that have to balance it all out. She thinks we can separate our marital love and sex. She really thinks that. Is that normal?

pearlamici posted 11/21/2019 10:28 AM

No I don't believe it is normal, not in a healthy marriage. I think sex is the ultimate bond in a marriage. I think in other areas of marriage there can be differing points of view/tastes/likes and dislikes but sexually there should be enjoyment in your partner (and of course trust). (Unless of course it is agreed upon both partners be allowed to pursue extramarital activities - to each his own.)

Marz posted 11/21/2019 10:48 AM

She thinks we can separate our marital love and sex. She really thinks that. Is that normal?

It's all about her and what she wants. No one else matters and you can't fix that. I doubt she can/would either.

She's been leading a secret double life. Which she probably normalized in her thinking. It worked for her until you found out.

ramius posted 11/21/2019 10:48 AM

I don't get how someone would knowingly throw away her family and marriage for orgasms

Orgasms and pretty words seem to be the magic combo. Apparently it short circuits any rational thought. So “The Feels” rule.

hansvoleman posted 11/21/2019 12:19 PM

She thinks we can separate our marital love and sex.

Clearly a pathetic excuse now she is caught and wants to wrap up her behaviour into something other than "I did it because I wanted to!. Were it a genuine belief, you and she would have had that discussion at the start of your relationship or at any point one of you changed your view away from the marriage vows.

Sending you strength.

NoOptTo posted 11/21/2019 12:21 PM

Look up Spaceghost007. His XWWthought the same thing. It's just sex. But I love you. She couldn't comprehend that he would end there marriage over just sex.

Westway posted 11/21/2019 13:01 PM

Look up Spaceghost007. His XWWthought the same thing. It's just sex. But I love you. She couldn't comprehend that he would end there marriage over just sex.

SG is a legend. One of the first threads I ever read.

Tigersrule77 posted 11/21/2019 14:04 PM

Congratulations, you handled that well. Your WW was really pouring it on for the sympathy.

"Your moving on so fast"? Really? I guess she wants to see you devastated for a long time to know how much she really meant to you? That is ridiculous.

ShutterHappy posted 11/21/2019 14:45 PM

She thinks we can separate our marital love and sex. She really thinks that. Is that normal?

Maybe she just sees you as a parental figure. You’re her father. Give her a home and money to spend,hugs and cuddle. Take care of her when she’s sick or call you when she needs a ride.

Her BFs are her love interests.

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 2:46 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

MickeyBill2016 posted 11/21/2019 15:51 PM

She thinks we can separate our marital love and sex.

There are people who do that, in fact I used to know a couple.

But they were into an alternate lifestyle where they both got what they wanted. He wanted to share his wife with other men and she wanted to be shared. They said they started doing this around 2000 and stopped about 3 years ago. Still married after 30 years.

But her idea is for her to go have her recreational sport fucking and come home and hang with the family.
But you get nothing out of the deal as you aren't wired that way.

To separate love and sex it needs be equal.

Buffer posted 11/21/2019 18:45 PM

Hey Westy,

Greedy, yes but I feel more on the selfish side, me, me, me syndrome.

Sex is important but there are many relationships where sex isn’t due to various medical conditions.

I believe she liked the physical aspect of a race, yet believed she could have the lifestyle you provided and the family appearances of what her family wanted, but couldn’t have both, what no R?? When caught out.

Keep looking after yourself and DD.

Good luck

Buffer

Thanksgiving2016 posted 11/21/2019 20:49 PM

It’s because she has always separated the marital love and sex. That’s how she justified it to herself. Now she can’t understand why you can’t do the same.

Westway posted 11/22/2019 10:05 AM

Congratulations, you handled that well. Your WW was really pouring it on for the sympathy.
"Your moving on so fast"? Really? I guess she wants to see you devastated for a long time to know how much she really meant to you? That is ridiculous.

My goal is to be a robot. No emotion. I do my crying alone, away from the house.

Westway posted 11/22/2019 10:09 AM

ShutterHappy

Maybe she just sees you as a parental figure. You’re her father. Give her a home and money to spend, hugs and cuddle. Take care of her when she’s sick or call you when she needs a ride.
Her BFs are her love interests.

This is very, very likely. I think you have hit the whore on the head.

Westway posted 11/22/2019 10:15 AM

Saw the oldest brother last night at a party for his wife's birthday.

"She's been fucking around with n*##ers hasn't she?" He asked me when we were kind of alone.

I didn't say anything. Just gave him a knowing look and went back to munching my cheese plate. It is starting to get interesting. Is it wrong for me to be enjoying this on some level?

MamaDragon posted 11/22/2019 10:24 AM

In my opinion, no, it is not wrong for you to enjoy her demise.

I'm one that would be popping some popcorn and watching all the fireworks and fanning the flames - so you are already classier than I would have been.

Bigheart2018 posted 11/22/2019 10:40 AM

Hey Westway,

My mother is Seminole and my father is black and I'm also enjoying it!!!! Why not enjoy it. Not the language but the fallout

Bigheart

[This message edited by Bigheart2018 at 10:45 AM, November 22nd (Friday)]

ShutterHappy posted 11/22/2019 11:02 AM

I always wondered, in your original post, if your SIL made that comment to steer you in the right track.... you know, a gentle push for you to realize a few things...

Your STBXWW is very broken. It’s hard for you to see right now, but in the future, when you meet someone else, it will be night and day. Not only the cheating, but the every day stuff. It will get better, hang in there!

Thumos posted 11/22/2019 11:07 AM

I should have told you a long time ago that I wasn't happy."

Classic blameshifting, gaslighting, rewriting the history of the marriage. I feel like WW’s do this more often than WH’s but I’m open to being wrong.

In any case she really sealed the deal with this by showing you once again who she is. The old advice about stop digging if you’re in a hole is something she obviously never absorbed.

The universal bullshit translation of her statement: “I’m sorry you were such a shitty husband that I needed to have sex with other men, but now I has the sadz. Won’t you feel bad for me? Why won’t you?”

Your response was fantastic but if she pulls this again you might just say “well the good news now is you have the chance to be happy by screwing as many men as you want whenever you want, so why are you so sad? You should be overjoyed.”

Thumos posted 11/22/2019 11:09 AM

“I haven’t been happy in a long time” - it’s one of the best one liners in the cheater’s script handbook. They all say it!

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