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Humiliated and Angry

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OptionedOut posted 11/27/2019 15:27 PM

Thumos, Marz and others are right.

Why go to her parent's for the holidays? WHY? Do your OWN holiday surrounded with people who support YOU.

Stop supporting what she wants.

NoOptTo posted 11/27/2019 16:57 PM

Time to start some traditions with your girls. Maybe take a page out of one of your past members, donate your time with the girls feeling the less fortunate for a while. Grounding one's self sometimes gives you a real appreciation of all the good things you do have in life.

Maybe have a brainstorming session with your girls to see if there is anything that they would like to begin doing on a yearly basis.

Though is stinks facing your first holiday apart from the one you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. You can make it memorable by concentrating on your girls and your extended family. Prayers to you WW.

Buster123 posted 11/27/2019 17:19 PM

You ultimately made the right call and possibly avoided and awkward Thanksgiving dinner/night, yes you feel sad and that's understandable, in the long run it's for the best, I agree with others, try to make it fun for the kids with extra activities, make it a fun night for them, I hope you have a great time under the circumstances.

Your STBEXWW must be starting to feel some of the real impact and consequences of her huge betrayal, just curious, how did she take it ? did she still insist on going or was she embarrassed to go (assuming your parents know what she did to you)? do you know if she's considering IC to become a better person and/or deal with the present situation and what's coming, it may still not have sunk in completely, i've read stories where both WS and BS go into a depression and even attempted suicide and or turned to drug use.

Thumos posted 11/27/2019 17:22 PM

So my WW isn't going to Thanksgiving. We just talked. She's going to her girlfriend's instead.
I should be relieved but I'm not. I feel gutted and sad and torn up. This isn't how life was supposed to be. We were supposed to go through life as a couple, a united front, stuck together until one of us died. Now I have to tell the girls.

You made the right call. It's awful. It's f'ing tragic. No one should minimize it.

But you've ripped the band-aid off in a way that I was too weak to do initially. I'm only starting to make progress because I've hardened up my armor and I'm insisting on non-negotiables.

And while this is incredibly painful, it was necessary. Having her over at T-giving after what she's done to you would have been a form of tacit rugsweeping.

TheGuy123 posted 11/28/2019 01:13 AM

Your old lady has a lot of balls to get $$$ for a lawyer from her folks.... and then blow them off on Thanksgiving!!!

One day she is "behaving her self" then the next day she is burying her self.

For what it's worth, this only helps you in the business of divorce. So putting emotion a side take care of your business.

Hopefully you understand this is all about business now? (fake the 180 until you make the 180)

Then move on with indifference!!

Get it?

The inlaws tomorrow are all about your kids. That kid business....as far as your old lady... thats divorce business...so handle it with indifference and let your lawyer handle the business of divorce.

180, 180, 180!!!!

NoOptTo posted 12/2/2019 10:20 AM

How are you holding up after the holiday weekend? Hope you were able to doing some new things with your daughters.

Westway posted 12/2/2019 14:31 PM

Thanksgiving dinner was kind of uneventful. No one said anything about the WW. My girls were nonplussed...hanging with old grandparents isn't their thing, so afterwards I dropped my older daughter off at home so she could go over to see some of her old HS friends. My younger daughter and I went and picked up one of her girlfriends and I took them to see Frozen 2.

I was miserable through it all. I feel totally defeated and carved-out like a hollow gourd.

I frankly don't know how the WW was feeling about anything. She didn't come home until Friday afternoon. I assume she stayed all day at her GF's, but for all I know she could have gone to one of her haunts and got spitroasted by a couple of boy-toys. I didn't ask and I don't care. I went to the gym on Saturday and stayed there most of the day refereeing a youth boxing event. Sunday I slept in late and just stayed in my office packing up all my stuff to move in a couple weeks. The boxes are climbing higher. Can't wait to get the hell out of this tomb.

[This message edited by Westway at 2:32 PM, December 2nd (Monday)]

ramius posted 12/2/2019 15:50 PM

I hope the hollow feeling subsides soon. You are in the thick of it. But there is light at the end of this tunnel.

30 more days and you are into your new place right?

Mene posted 12/2/2019 16:57 PM

Youíve handled this like a boss.

Keep moving. Youíre doing really well with the shit sandwich you were served.

Skadu posted 12/2/2019 17:46 PM

Frozen 2 had a pretty topical theme for you: your future isn't bound by mistakes from the past.

Phantasmagoria posted 12/2/2019 18:37 PM

I was miserable through it all. I feel totally defeated and carved-out like a hollow gourd.
Par for the course. Youíve suffered a great loss, itís a huge shock to the system. It takes time for the tidal waves around you to settle to calmer waters. The key to is to accept the emotions, embrace them, process them...ultimately itís the healthy path even though at times it hurts mentally and physically!

MickeyBill2016 posted 12/2/2019 19:35 PM

I was miserable through it all. I feel totally defeated and carved-out like a hollow gourd.

The first round of holidays is awful...but it will get better.

Westway posted 12/4/2019 12:51 PM

The wife's attorney came back with a counter-offer on the D terms. They all line up with my offer except she wants more of the 5 year monthly stipend I offered and 50% of my 401k.

Ain't happening.

Westway posted 12/4/2019 12:59 PM

And I lost it last night too. I was packing up some more of my stuff and came across a small photo album of a trip that the WW and I and the girls took back in 2009 to Disneyworld. That was such a fun trip and one I remembered back on with fondness. Knowing that my marriage was a lie even back then just pulled one last brick out of the levy and I started bawling like a bitch. I couldn't stop. I walked out of the room and out the back door and my WW and daughter caught sight of me from the kitchen. My daughter ran out back to catch me, and I was so ashamed to let her see me break down like that. She started crying too. A teenage girl shouldn't see her dad like that.

Thank god the evil ho stayed in the house. I'm so damned mad at myself for showing weakness in front of her that way! I swear there are times I want to haul off and smack her. Stupid, selfish, narcissistic whore!

Robert22205https posted 12/4/2019 13:05 PM

It's ok that she saw you cry .... because it shows you're human. Same goes for WW.

Stay strong with your settlement offer. Her attorney is just trying to justify his fee. The WW has nothing to bargain with.

Lalagirl posted 12/4/2019 13:06 PM

I'm so sorry for your pain, Westway.

Please don't be ashamed...you need to release that garbage every now and again. You're human.

Hang in there; once you get into your own place things will start easing up emotionally - you need to not see her face every single day.

Sending strength...

Butforthegrace posted 12/4/2019 13:10 PM

In response to the request for 1/2 of the 401k, perhaps it's time to discreetly inform her of the contents of your dossier

The1stWife posted 12/4/2019 13:11 PM

Itís ok your daughter saw your tears. This way the STBXW cannot change the truth to suit her - like ďyour father just divorced me and didnít care blah blah blahĒ.

You will survive this. We all do. Itís just crappy right now but you know you are doing the right thing. Itís just an unfortunate outcome to her poor choices.

Thumos posted 12/4/2019 13:15 PM

Your daughter saw you being sad about the breakup of your family, brought on by your wifeís horrific decisions. Your daughter knows the score and itís not only okay she knows your sadness, but necessary. She sees you both sad and standing tall. Youíre giving her an example of a strong, quality man.

steadychevy posted 12/4/2019 13:29 PM

Just adding my voice to the "it's OK your daughter saw you" chorus. On top of that she showed you great empathy and support running after you to comfort and hold you. You shared pain. I very much suspect that will build a stronger bond.

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