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Humiliated and Angry

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Robert22205https posted 12/4/2019 13:34 PM

Remind her that you could insist she reimburse you for the thousands she spent on her affairs.

Shockedmom posted 12/4/2019 13:45 PM

Following the trend here. A man grieving the loss of his marriage and family as he knew it is absolutely entitled to weeping and a loss of control. Know that your daughter witnessing real emotion from her father is ok.

ShutterHappy posted 12/4/2019 15:28 PM

Give yourself some time. It will get better, 100% guaranteed.

Why donít go out with our daughter? Movies and restaurant

Buffer posted 12/4/2019 15:49 PM

Never apologise for your feelings. Be strong and take care.
One day at a time.
Hit the gym turn heavy weight into light weights, put the gloves on and punch shit out of the large bag
When stressed train the shit out. Chicks dig cardio!!

Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 4:11 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)]

ramius posted 12/4/2019 16:04 PM

Itís ok, for you, that your daughter saw you cry. She saw how much you are hurting, how much you care about this whole mess.

It does not bode well for your wife, that your daughter saw you cry. Itís another reminder to your daughter, that your WW is the cause of this entire shitstorm.

hansvoleman posted 12/4/2019 16:34 PM

From your writing, you don't come across as a guy who cries at the slightest excuse. Your daughter(s) know this intrinsically. What will also matter to them, were you to share it someday, is the trigger was a memory of something you were doing with them.

Your daughters will, in time, understand the depth of your grief and that it is for what you and they have lost. Your wife not only hid herself from you but also her children. I have no idea how she will ever be able to parent successfully again.

I hope things start to improve.

jadedangel posted 12/4/2019 17:16 PM

You are human and you experience emotions like everyone else. Absolutely nothing wrong in letting your daughter see you and yes it will be a memory that she will never forget.

Remind her that you could insist she reimburse you for the thousands she spent on her affairs.

I don't think she is aware of just how much knowledge Westway has of her affairs. It may be time to let some of that knowledge be known since she is wanting more money.

rambler posted 12/4/2019 20:49 PM

Do a cost benefit in everything. Do pay more in legal fees than the value of the asset.

steadychevy posted 12/5/2019 05:17 AM

Rambler, should that be "don't" instead of "do" in pay more in legal fees than the value of the asset?

ISurvived7734 posted 12/5/2019 13:42 PM

A teenage girl shouldn't see her dad like that.
Come on - you are just teaching her important lessons. Life is hard; marriage is harder. Cheating destroys partners and families. These are things that all kids need to understand and you should explain some of this to her when you are composed. She deserves to know how you feel and what you are going though and that none of this is her fault. It's amazing how kids can blame themselves for almost anything that fucks up their family life. Make sure she's not doing that to herself.

beenthereinco posted 12/5/2019 14:06 PM

Most likely she has not been truthful with her own attorney on what has gone on and they are just trying to represent her as best as possible. You should just remind her of how all of this can play out.

ohsospecial posted 12/5/2019 14:21 PM

Iíll bet beenthere is correct: WW Ďs attorney doesnít have full story.

Iíve been interviewing D lawyers. I said to one, ďI guess you donít like to loseĒ Lawyer: Nope. Me: So, whenís the last time you lost? Lawyer, with rather surprised look: Monday. I got reamed in court. Me: Wow, what happened? Lawyer: Bad facts. Client was the bad guy in the D. He didnít tell me everything. His wifeís attorney had the info. We lost. Big time.

Good luck Westway. I feel awful for you. At least my kids are grown....

Westway posted 12/5/2019 18:16 PM

I have to be careful how I do this. My lawyer has the binder of evidence, but she has not determined how we will use it. She is supposed to get back from a trip to Washington tomorrow and I am meeting her Monday.

I'm worried about strong-arming her with the evidence and whether that will be perceived as blackmail. I don't want to end up committing a felony unwittingly.

Thumos posted 12/5/2019 18:19 PM

I agree. Follow your lawyerís lead.

self-rescuer posted 12/6/2019 06:09 AM

I understand your reluctance to use the evidence in a way that could jeopardize future circumstances (both that you can predict now and those you can't).

You might want to suggest having your lawyer depose the AP's and even subpoena them. That is standard divorce practice and might achieve the same results. Your cheating wife will know that you have names and her APs will press her to not disclose their names to her mob connected family.

The turning point in my divorce, (my ex felt that I would eventually come to understand that he needed a wife and a GF - lord almighty) when my ex really came to the table, was when his AP had to sign her subpoena. He also received a list of colleagues that included the leadership of the university where he was employed, who would also be subpoenaed.

It's something you may want to discuss with your attorney.

edited because apparently I cannot spell this morning!

[This message edited by self-rescuer at 6:13 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

DoinBettr posted 12/6/2019 09:05 AM

Westway - The government has made it very cut and dry on what is given over in divorces. They were tired of wives getting nothing after being married to millionaires and then going on welfare.

I would recommend you figure out how much your lawyer fees and her's balance out to what she wants. Both parties always walk away a little pissed off from a divorce. Just see that you will lose some of your money you didn't plan and balance that with future interactions. The goal is to be free from your XWW. Realize that goal will take some sacrifice.
Divorces are expensive. It is supposed to stop people from being stupid about throwing away a marriage. You can rebuild. See freedom instead of shackles.

Thumos posted 12/6/2019 15:47 PM

As DoinBettr notes, unfortunately divorce laws are biased against men and antiquated. Women are able to be economically independent now in a way they were not even a few decades ago, but the laws still award them cash and prizes -- even adulterous wives (which is one reason I think we're seeing a spike in female infidelity now - it's a win-win for them). The term is "divorce rape" -- but it sounds like your lawyers is approaching this the right way and will try to prevent as much of that for you as they can.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 12/6/2019 19:21 PM

They arenít necessarily biased against men. The one who earned the least still gets half. Plenty of stay at home husbands now too and they get a good chunk just like the stay at home wives.

Newlifeisgreat posted 12/8/2019 13:03 PM

Hope all is well, or at least as possible

Good luck with the meeting tomorrow

paboy posted 12/9/2019 03:41 AM

Westway,

Selfrescuer does have a real viable action plan in informing of what you know.

Having your lawyer notifying hers of your intent to subpoena these men, by name and date of liaison, and money used, would let her know legally of what you have possession of, and coerce her to avoid this and be more willing to settle quickly.

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