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Humiliated and Angry

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Westway posted 12/20/2019 15:40 PM

Good thing you got all the evidence you needed. It was probably a huge shock to her that you knew so much.
Liars tend to lie to themselves about the gravity of the situation they put themselves in.

She got so good at it, living a double life, that it became second nature to her. Now she isn't doing it presently, so I imagine she suffering some sex withdrawal. Well, I won't be her methadone that is for sure.

She doesn't care what its doing to me, she only cares about what her family and daughters will think if they find out what a hosebag she is.

fareast posted 12/20/2019 16:04 PM

This is a good example for those in a similar situation. We often see it said to a newbie that you have enough evidence and there is no need to keep digging. And often this is great adventure as new BSís get caught up in a never ending search for new evidence of infidelity and put off filing or taking action. In your case you had initial evidence of infidelity in the last year or so with three men I think. But your gut told you there was more and there was some discussion on the cost/benefit of hiring a P.I. I think looking back on how much the P.I. uncovered and the leverage the information provided, there is no question it was a wise investment. Ymmv. But always follow your gut.

[This message edited by fareast at 5:37 PM, December 20th (Friday)]

Thumos posted 12/20/2019 17:00 PM

We often see it said to a newbie that you have enough evidence and there is no need to keep digging. And often this is great adventure de as new BSís get caught up in a never ending search for new evidence of infidelity and put off filing or taking action.

This exactly describes me three years out.

Westway posted 12/20/2019 18:34 PM

I have no desire to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. I'm not wasting one more tear, one more heartbeat on this sorry woman. It's hard to believe that six months ago I thought the world of her.

Buffer posted 12/20/2019 20:44 PM

All the best for you and your girls for the season no long to go. Take it one day at a time.

Buffer

RubixCubed posted 12/21/2019 18:53 PM

I have no desire to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. I'm not wasting one more tear, one more heartbeat on this sorry woman. It's hard to believe that six months ago I thought the world of her.

Six months ago you loved the character that she was playing, now you've met the actress.
You are handling this in textbook fashion. Good onya, keep the hammer down.

Westway posted 12/23/2019 08:41 AM

Six months ago you loved the character that she was playing, now you've met the actress.
You are handling this in textbook fashion. Good onya, keep the hammer down.

I don't know about textbook. I still break down. God forgive me but I still love the woman. BUT I have decided that for this week I'm shutting the D out of my mind. I'm going to relax, enjoy the company of family and friends and try to enjoy my Christmas.

So, I want to wish everyone here at SI a happy holiday season and hope you all get your Santas!!! I'll check back in after the new year.

[This message edited by Westway at 12:08 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

fareast posted 12/23/2019 09:39 AM

Understood. And the same right back at you!

[This message edited by fareast at 12:23 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

Westway posted 12/23/2019 12:09 PM

Changed that. Sorry.

Westway posted 12/30/2019 10:03 AM

The holidays were better than expected. I got to see my girls Christmas day, I heard nothing out of the WW, and I had a great time with my immediate family. Instead of staying in on Christmas Eve, myself, my mom and dad and my brother and his family, all went down to the local St. Vincent De Paul and served holiday dinner to the homeless and poor. We all had a great time and we came away feeling like we had done something good for the world for a change.

We had several guests over for Christmas dinner and one of them was a friend of my sister in law. She's unmarried, a couple of years younger than me, and we spent the evening talking and, yes, flirting a bit. I can't express how nice it was just to sit on a couch and have a nice grownup conversation with an intelligent woman, something I have not experienced in over twenty-two years.

Not to say I didn't have rough moments. I still miss and love my WW God help me, but each day gets a little better and my resolve gets stronger.

[This message edited by Westway at 10:09 AM, December 30th (Monday)]

NoOptTo posted 12/30/2019 12:16 PM

Very happy you had a nice Christmas. Hopefully you start a new family tradition going to St Vincent de Paul's. Also for enjoying the company of someone else. Its perfectly natural to reminisce about your STBXWW. I still have times of wondering about my EX from 25 years ago. It comes down to how do you want to remember your memories with her and your family. I chose to keep my memories positive and that my EX had a major person flaw. I learned that I was authentic and so are my memories. She just happened to be apart of them. Hope you can find a way to not go down the rabbit hole when you start missing your STBXWW.

Westway posted 12/30/2019 12:40 PM

Well I guess I spoke too soon. LOL!

Just got a nasty text from WW. Apparently the older daughter and her just had a big fight. Her text basically blamed me for our daughter's anger towards her. She claims I'm stoking the fire and talking smack about her.

Actually, I barely ever talk to my oldest about her mom, other than letting her know what is going on in the divorce, and I NEVER talk down about her mother. No way. I'm not giving that woman any ammo to use against me. I'm staying quiet and taking the high road. Those closest to us know the real score.

I'm not even going to answer her.

Westway posted 12/30/2019 12:40 PM

And I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday!

[This message edited by Westway at 12:41 PM, December 30th (Monday)]

Buffer posted 12/30/2019 13:00 PM

She sounds like she is blaming the ramifications of her actions. Daughters fight with parents that is what daughters do. Your daughter knows Mum/WW did bad and as a result D. You have stated many times that you will not divulge her past other than infidelity.

One day at a time.
HNY

Buffer

hansvoleman posted 12/30/2019 13:34 PM

I'm not even going to answer her.

Sensible. I think its a measure of the delusion that the cheater thinks secrets will stay buried for ever. Let her butt heads with your kids as they get older. They will soon recognise that she destroyed any moral authority over them all by herself.

Happy 2020 to all.

TimSC posted 1/1/2020 13:15 PM

Not to say I didn't have rough moments. I still miss and love my WW God help me, but each day gets a little better and my resolve gets stronger.

Sorry dude, but you DO NOT love and miss your WW. You love and miss the woman you thought she was.

She was never really that woman that you love. It was all a fantasy she generated and you now know the truth.

She was always the woman that preferred black men over her husband. She never took her vows seriously and looks to have been cheating on you the entire time you were married.

What you are feeling is nostalgia for the happy times. But it was all lies. Lies to fool you and keep her parents under the illusion that she was being the "good girl" you all expected her to be.

You love what you thought she was.

MamaDragon posted 1/2/2020 09:42 AM

One thing that I have learned over the years is that no matter how adults attempt to not let kids know what is going on, they somehow always KNOW.

It is like their super power or something.

Your kids know your getting divorced, they know that it had to be something really bad to force you to leave and divorce their Mom. Even though we as parents attempt to hide the hurt, they still know. They know you would not leave their Mom for a silly reason, and being kids of today they have an inkling to the why's and wherefore's.

They know who to lay the blame for the breakup of their family - their Mom. So don't allow their Mom to make you feel bad bc they are calling her out on her behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if they were not spying on her to find out more about the divorce and uncovered somethings that you were hoping they would never know.

Just keep the lines of communication open between you and your kids, keep on being the standup guy you have always been - be there for them and don't say anything about their Mom bc eventually she will reveal her true colors. A fake person can only keep on a mask for so long.

Glad you had a nice Christmas!

MamaDragon posted 1/2/2020 09:43 AM

One thing that I have learned over the years is that no matter how adults attempt to not let kids know what is going on, they somehow always KNOW.

It is like their super power or something.

Your kids know your getting divorced, they know that it had to be something really bad to force you to leave and divorce their Mom. Even though we as parents attempt to hide the hurt, they still know. They know you would not leave their Mom for a silly reason, and being kids of today they have an inkling to the why's and wherefore's.

They know who to lay the blame for the breakup of their family - their Mom. So don't allow their Mom to make you feel bad bc they are calling her out on her behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if they were not spying on her to find out more about the divorce and uncovered somethings that you were hoping they would never know.

Just keep the lines of communication open between you and your kids, keep on being the standup guy you have always been - be there for them and don't say anything about their Mom bc eventually she will reveal her true colors. A fake person can only keep on a mask for so long.

Glad you had a nice Christmas!

Westway posted 1/3/2020 11:20 AM

Sorry dude, but you DO NOT love and miss your WW. You love and miss the woman you thought she was.
She was never really that woman that you love. It was all a fantasy she generated and you now know the truth.
She was always the woman that preferred black men over her husband. She never took her vows seriously and looks to have been cheating on you the entire time you were married.
What you are feeling is nostalgia for the happy times. But it was all lies. Lies to fool you and keep her parents under the illusion that she was being the "good girl" you all expected her to be.
You love what you thought she was.

You have a good point. Thanks.

Westway posted 1/3/2020 12:53 PM

Just keep the lines of communication open between you and your kids, keep on being the standup guy you have always been - be there for them and don't say anything about their Mom bc eventually she will reveal her true colors. A fake person can only keep on a mask for so long
.

I do expect it to all come out in the wash eventually. And I do have a contingency plan in case my daughters do come to me demanding all the information.

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