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Humiliated and Angry

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farsidejunky posted 1/10/2020 22:56 PM


You are going to feel like you are drinking from a fire hose the first few months or so in BJJ.

One thing I can promise you, though.

All of the bullshit in life...stress...money...women...bills...your STBX...all of it goes away when you hit the mats.

BJJ, along with Muay Thai, has been a God send for me in times of strife.

Buffer posted 1/10/2020 23:19 PM

Same here, I teach Karate, Boxing, Self Defence, all disciplines help, focus, stress management and friends. Nothing beats rolling on the floor until a tap out,


Westway posted 1/13/2020 08:47 AM

I'm going to enjoy immersing myself in a new discipline, and I plan on committing to it wholeheartedly.

[This message edited by Westway at 8:48 AM, January 13th (Monday)]

Westway posted 1/13/2020 08:47 AM

Yes I went through my first class on Saturday. I got to experience my first arm bar. You assholes should have warned me. Feeeeeeuck that hurt.

farsidejunky posted 1/13/2020 09:07 AM

Tap early and often.

Or...keep your elbows tight to your body so you can't be arm-barred to begin with...


Westway posted 1/16/2020 14:30 PM

Just a quick update:

The divorce agreement is done. I didn't get everything I want, but I knew I wouldn't. We have both looked it over and are satisfied with moving forward. We sign Monday and then it's just a matter of waiting.

She sent me a text last night: "I do want you to know again that I'm sorry for everything. I know that doesn't mean anything now, but if you think our splitting up doesn't hurt me you are wrong. You were the best husband a woman could have. I do love you more than any man I've ever known, even if my actions didn't say that."

GoldenR posted 1/16/2020 14:32 PM

Do not respond.

Marz posted 1/16/2020 14:52 PM

Words donít mean much her actions on the other hand do.

No response needed.

Stevesn posted 1/16/2020 15:05 PM

I just want to say I respect what you did and how you approached it. Doesnít mean itís not hard to leave a person you love and even are in love with. You really had no alternative. From what you say, she couldnít find a way to keep infidelity out of your relationship. Since that was the case, you took the only course out of an unlivable situation.

I wish you well in the future. I guess hearing the words from her are better than not hearing them. They may even be true. But they donít make doing what you had to do any easier.

Good luck.

ramius posted 1/16/2020 15:41 PM

Her words make about as much sense as the adults do in Charlie Brown.

Robert22205https posted 1/16/2020 15:48 PM

IMO those words were entirely for her benefit to make herself feel better somehow.

You were in a very strong negotiating position.
Why did you have to make any concessions? btw: I'm not criticizing I'm trying to learn.

faithfulman posted 1/16/2020 16:01 PM

Maybe she did love you more than any other man.

Judging from her treatment of you, that doesn't mean much, and is a pretty low bar to clear for normal people.

KingofNothing posted 1/16/2020 16:25 PM

You were the best husband a woman could have. I do love you more than any man I've ever known, even if my actions didn't say that.

Well, gosh, she sure had a funny way of showing that.

Butforthegrace posted 1/16/2020 17:09 PM

If she loves you more than any man, I pity the fool she hates.

With friends like that, who needs enemas?

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 5:10 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]

Westway posted 1/16/2020 17:33 PM

I didn't answer her. What would be the point? It's over. I just want to move on and out of this marriage and forget the last couple of decades didn't happen.

The concessions I made were not much worse or different than what I offered her. She will get three years of spousal support instead of five, but I said bye to my share of the equity I put into the house. I get to keep my 401k and investments. We get 50/50 custody of our daughter. I will get her on weekends so her mom can pull trains on those days.

The ONLY good thing I can say is that she didn't rack up a bunch of debt. She kept it paid down so I wouldn't catch on. That, in a strange way is a positive. I know lots of guys who have to pay tens of thousands on credit card debts when they divorce.

survrus posted 1/16/2020 18:05 PM


You wrote, You were the best husband a woman could have. I do love you more than any man I've ever known, even if my actions didn't say that

Some of that I actually agree with, she does not love those other men they are more like sex toys.

She may have thought of her escapades as keeping her libido high so she could orgasm with you.

There is even a perverse kind of care for you in the great efforts she told to keep her two lives separate.

There is something more of the professional full time serial cheating man in her approach to her affairs.

In a sense she was acting in two soap operas at the same time.

steadychevy posted 1/16/2020 18:37 PM

That's interesting, Westway. Supposedly I was the best thing that ever happened to my WW. Seems like a common theme. Doesn't make sense, does it? You can't make sense out of nonsense. You can't explain the unexplainable.

NoOptTo posted 1/16/2020 19:03 PM

Your future is at your feet now. You have gotten through with most of the things you wanted. You leave this marriage knowing you kept your vows. Your dignity. Your self respect. Yes it stinks going through this Bull sh!t. You handled yourself well. Wish you the best in your journey to heal from her betrayal.

As the saying goes, as one jou6ends, another one begins. Life your life the best you can and show your DDs the way one should behave as grown ups.

marriageredux959 posted 1/16/2020 19:23 PM

Duplicate post

[This message edited by marriageredux959 at 7:27 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]

marriageredux959 posted 1/16/2020 19:23 PM

Duplicate post.

[This message edited by marriageredux959 at 7:29 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]

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