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Humiliated and Angry

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Westway posted 1/29/2020 15:22 PM

My man doesn't really matter what she is going to do with the SS. It shows her true colors, but you already knew that. Once you are divorced the SS can be spent on whatever she wants. Such as a container full of over sized dildo's or a 2 month stay at a hedonistic resort. Point is it doesn't matter what she does with the SS - Not your monkey not your Zoo. It is painful to see hard earned money used for her sexapades but not much you can do about it.
She could have told the SIL as she knew she would inform you. Her folks could be lending her the money until she can pay them back you do not know. All you would accomplish is maybe slowing down or delaying the D. She is toxic I would just ignore the BS coming from her side of the family and concentrate on you. The SIL may have got along with you at one time but things change.

Yeah you're right. And as for this SIL, she hates my WW. They have always despised each other. My WW never liked how friendly the SIL and I have been to each other over the years. She has always wanted me to hate the woman as much as she does, but I have never found reason to dislike the SIL other than she's a lush.

My SIL told me she was proud of me for divorcing my WW, and only wished I had done it sooner. She also reminded me of a lot of shit my WW has pulled on me over the years that I had forgotten about. Not adultery stuff, but just shitty little things my WW did to make everyone's lives harder than they needed to be.

[This message edited by Westway at 3:22 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

DoinBettr posted 1/29/2020 15:31 PM

When you see them post surgery, just say, "I miss the real ones before. This is so ... plastic." (shrug)
Then ask when she would be ok to see who you are dating lately.
Kind of passive aggressive. It will deflate those sails she will have high when she tries to show you what she had done afterward.
Also, no one is going to marry her that much later in life. They just do the whole, dating and living together without marriage. That means she is never going to be married again I bet. Finding someone down to remarry in their 50s for love is tough.

[This message edited by DoinBettr at 4:22 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/29/2020 15:42 PM

I’m sorry, but there will be the occasional moment when you are triggered and go down the rollercoaster deep fall. But you should be very proud of how you handled this entire situation!!!!

You have been able to hold your head high for the world to see, especially your kids. And your kids have learned a very valuable lesson about the cost of infidelity!!!!

ramius posted 1/29/2020 16:09 PM

She is desperate. Trying to compete on the market for a sucker to wife her up so she can enjoy the good life while still banging the brothers.

She can put lip stick on a pig, or try to polish a turd, but is not going to camouflage her horrid character.

thatbpguy posted 1/29/2020 16:25 PM

When you see them post surgery, just say, "I miss the real ones before. This is so ... plastic." (shrug)

Or, "Wow, why is one side so much smaller than the other?"

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 4:25 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

DoinBettr posted 1/29/2020 16:39 PM

Or, "Wow, why is one side so much smaller than the other?"

Or, "Are there clowns rubbing balloons together behind me? I swear I heard them making balloon animals."

Thumos posted 1/29/2020 16:41 PM

Your ex-wife is about to hit the "wall" and she will experience the very real phenomenon of female "invisibility" after menopause (which is straight ahead on the horizon for her, if she hasn't had perimenopausal symptoms already). She will still be able to attract men, but it will be an increasingly desperate enterprise. She's about to get walloped by reality and it ain't gonna be pretty.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 1/29/2020 20:01 PM

I bet she has no intentions of being alone or supporting herself. She will be remarried in a year to someone ten years older and back to her old ways.

Buffer posted 1/29/2020 20:15 PM

Hi all,
This is just me; but I thought child support was paid to support the children!
I didn’t think it was to support a boob or butt lift/support? I hope they don’t put her on the table upside down. Whoops
Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 8:16 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

keptmyword posted 1/29/2020 20:36 PM

This is just me; but I thought child support was paid to support the children!
I didn’t think it was to support a boob or butt lift/support?

There is no accountability for how “child support” is spent.

None, zero, zilch, zed, nada.

A spouse can spend child support money on whatever the hell they want with zero going towards the children and the courts don’t give a flying fuck about it either.

The family court system has known this for a zillion years and nothing is ever done about it.

You could have video evidence of your XWW taking the full monthly amount of child support money and gambling it away and the courts will do nothing about it except probably forcing you to pay more to the XWW so that maybe she will actually spend some on the children.

It’s a cruel, sad, pathetic, and infuriating joke.

If a court is going to force you, under penalty of incarceration, to give money you earned to someone else, under the court designated title of “child support”, then the court should enforce the designation and require the spouse receiving it to be able to prove that EVERY cent of it has been spent on the children.

And, if they are found by the court to be not spending the monies on the children then they should face the same incarceration penalties as the spouse being forced to pay it.

farsidejunky posted 1/29/2020 21:21 PM

Westway:

It hurts. But...this is who she is.

Let it go.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Also, inform the SiL to stop giving you updates on your ex.

pearlamici posted 1/29/2020 22:04 PM

Just make sure when you have to see her - you look right through her...all the surgery in the world won't fix her ugly.

RocketRaccoon posted 1/30/2020 04:07 AM

Westway,

She also reminded me of a lot of shit my WW has pulled on me over the years that I had forgotten about. Not adultery stuff, but just shitty little things my WW did to make everyone's lives harder than they needed to be.

Please don't get yourself aggravated over things like this. You are getting a D. Leave it be. Your WW should not longer hold any influence on your health.

I suspect that your SiL thrives on drama, and is yanking your chain to ensure that you do not have any thoughts of stopping the D. Your SiL was/is your ally when you were in your M, but now that you are boarding the D train, don't let her need for drama rile you.

On the long run, even though you might get along well with your SiL, it might be worth going NC with her, or you will never heal properly.

Much as I would like to get the popcorn out and read the updates on your WW, it would not be good for you. Don't feed the morbid fascination.

thatbpguy posted 1/30/2020 08:58 AM

There is no accountability for how “child support” is spent.

None, zero, zilch, zed, nada.

If she spends all the money on plastic surgery... and then wants more, I wonder if a judge would refuse her based on how she had been spending the money?

Westway posted 1/30/2020 10:05 AM

I’m sorry, but there will be the occasional moment when you are triggered and go down the rollercoaster deep fall. But you should be very proud of how you handled this entire situation!!!!
You have been able to hold your head high for the world to see, especially your kids. And your kids have learned a very valuable lesson about the cost of infidelity!!!!

I'm not handling it well in private. I broke down yesterday in my car when I passed by a restaurant my STBXWW and I used to love to go to by ourselves. I do a lot of crying still.

Westway posted 1/30/2020 10:09 AM

Also, no one is going to marry her that much later in life. They just do the whole, dating and living together without marriage. That means she is never going to be married again I bet. Finding someone down to remarry in their 50s for love is tough.

Well, I don't know. My WW has always had a lot of single male admirers among our social crowd. I expect her to hook up with one of them and being the guilty Catholic she is she will want to marry.

She's weird that way: she won't live with anyone because that is sinful, but she will get married and go behind her spouse's back to throw her legs up for any guy who tells her she has a sweet ass. Somehow that is not as sinful.

Westway posted 1/30/2020 10:12 AM

If she spends all the money on plastic surgery... and then wants more, I wonder if a judge would refuse her based on how she had been spending the money?

I dunno. I'm thinking it would not be worth it to even try to block it. I only have a little under three years of child support to pay anyways.

I'm sort of hoping that my younger daughter will eventually want to come and live with me. Her room here at my new digs is bigger, airier and the furniture I bought her is so much nicer than what she has at her mom's. In fact, she wants to have a sleepover at my place with three of her girlfriends in a couple weeks, which makes me feel good.

[This message edited by Westway at 10:13 AM, January 30th (Thursday)]

Westway posted 1/30/2020 10:15 AM

Just make sure when you have to see her - you look right through her...all the surgery in the world won't fix her ugly.

Problem is, she's still bangable. I'm still sexually attracted to her, although that is starting to ebb a bit as I detach. I can't wait for the day when I can actually look upon her with revulsion.

fooled13years posted 1/30/2020 10:25 AM

Westway

Problem is, she's still bangable. I'm still sexually attracted to her, although that is starting to ebb a bit as I detach. I can't wait for the day when I can actually look upon her with revulsion.

You may get there but when you see her and feel the same way you would feel about any other stranger, nothing emotional, then you will know that you have completely detached from her.

pearlamici posted 1/30/2020 19:15 PM

Problem is, she's still bangable. I'm still sexually attracted to her, although that is starting to ebb a bit as I detach. I can't wait for the day when I can actually look upon her with revulsion.
Yeah alot of people are "bangable"- I just find them more attractive when they're honest people. I guess I've been lucky in that once people show their ugly, try as I might I can't see their attractiveness anymore. And the reverse - I've met people I didn't think were attractive but have grown to find beautiful/handsome because of their actions/personality...

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