SurvivingInfidelity.com® > General

ArmCub76 posted 11/19/2019 20:59 PM

It's been a year since my last post I think and I find myself not trusting anyone. I am still trying to heal and find myself able to trust someone again. How do I learn to trust again?

Adlham posted 11/19/2019 21:08 PM

I'll be honest. It took me a very, very long time.

Like, my poor husband went through a couple of years of hell with me and my lack of trust issues.

But you know what? He rolled with it. He's periodically remind me that he's "not him," but otherwise, he just gave me what I needed.

I also did a lot of therapy to work through some of it, but mostly, it just takes time.

It actually snuck up on me. I just realized one day that all that stuff in the past, before US, no longer mattered at all.

WhoTheBleep posted 11/19/2019 21:31 PM

First you heal yourself, as much as possible. IC, alone time, friend/family time, reading, etc.

Then at some point, you've got to take that scary leap of faith. The ACTIONS of a trustworthy person will build trust. You will learn to recognize red flags and exit quietly stage left (or run screaming for the hills). That will build trust in yourself.

Trust has to be earned. It takes time.

This is all still fresh for you.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/20/2019 07:20 AM

Who do you want to trust, yourself, your CP, people in general?

IC to heal yourself. Learn to trust yourself. Then, you won't need to worry about what anyone else is doing.

Cooley2here posted 11/20/2019 07:37 AM

What you do is recognize even the most beloved person in your life can hurt you. It takes time to get past that. What I mean by past that is the pain is gone but reality is reality. This is that you no longer see the world from innocence. You deal with reality and look at your loved ones through clear eyes. That’s when you are no longer a child. You are now a full adult regardless of your age. It is when WE realize, and learn to live with, the idea that the people we love the most are flawed, just as we are. If their issues are so embedded in them that they are never going to change then we have to except that we move on without them. If they have worked hard to be the remorseful,caring person we knew then reconciliation can take place. It’s so individual that what works with one couple does not work with the next.
I hope you find your reality is a good, happy, sustainable relationship.

fooled13years posted 11/20/2019 07:42 AM

I was betrayed by my ExWW and former best friend.

I was informed by his BW who had hired a PI to follow him.

I had no idea that any thing was wrong and that her son was not my son.

The first thing I needed to do was to learn to trust myself again.

I saw everyone as having an ulterior motive in everything.

I will never trust anyone blindly again but I learned to let people in again.

tushnurse posted 11/20/2019 07:47 AM

Why do you desire to trust?

This forever changes who you are as a person. When you heal yourself and do it right, then you become strong, and the only person that you need to trust is yourself.

Not trusting anyone after Dday served me well. I knew immediately when my boss was not keeping her employee's best interest in mind, I knew when my oldest child was making bad choices during his teen years, I knew when my other kid was not doing well in some difficult classes in high school. I can spot a lie from 100 yards, and decide if it needs to be called out.

As a result my kids know I want the truth in everything even if it is bad news as a result the kids are honest with us.

So yah I don't blindly trust, and when I do trust someone I am very very cautious.
I'm more than ok w/ that, because I know it serves me well, and I do trust myself and my gut.