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He wants addresses

ClaireDF posted 11/21/2019 16:03 PM

Just a query, wondering if anyone has had to deal with this and how they did? Have been separated for 17 months from my STBX. We were married 24 years when I found out he had been having an on and off affair for 6 years. During which time I had breast cancer and daughter diagnosed with serious mental health issues. Early this year I ended up in psych hospital from the trauma of it all. We have been going through financial mediation for last 4months, think we are finally at an agreement but it has been really torrid. I have moved out of the family home in September as it is on the family farm and my head was wrecked from never knowing when he would arrive. Finally have my safe place and am settling in and am much happier. Out of the blue today he messaged me asking for addresses as he wants to send Xmas Cards! I asked him specifically whose addresses he wanted and he names 4 mutual friends (fair enough) then my brother (who doesnít want to have anything to do with him) and brotherís new wife (who STBX has not even met.) Then an aunt of mine that we stayed with in US 5 years ago. And to cap it off my elderly aunt and uncle who donít even know that we are separated!!! I just HATE that he asks me stuff like this. annoyed also that he plans sending these people cards as if he has done nothing wrong. I didnít send cards last year and am not sure if I even will this year as I donít know even where to begin to tell some people.
Not sure how to deal with his request. Should I just tell him to message the people himself for their addresses??? Any advice much appreciated. Thanks.

allusions posted 11/21/2019 16:08 PM

"Sorry, I don't have any of their addresses." Or as a lot of people suggest on here, limit contact with him to essential stuff like finances and the like. You are divorcing. You are not his pal.

EllieKMAS posted 11/21/2019 16:14 PM

Crickets. You are under no obligation to give him any of that.

Seriously, just ignore it.

landclark posted 11/21/2019 16:59 PM

You could share the mutual friends and say you wonít be sharing your family addresses. Honestly though, itís not that hard to find addresses on the internet, and if they are really friends he could reach out to them himself.

Snapdragon posted 11/21/2019 17:43 PM

I am not your secretary. You fired me from that job. Look them up yourself.

'nuff said

Doesitstop11 posted 11/21/2019 17:56 PM

Give him the wrong addresses. If he doesn't the their addresses, he won't know the dif.

Cooley2here posted 11/21/2019 19:09 PM

This is plain nutty. Seriously. It takes such a little time to find people on the net but he would rather make you do it. Selfish, entitled jerk! Give him crickets.

Chaos posted 11/21/2019 19:18 PM

So freaking helpless he comes to you for something he could Google himself.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 11/21/2019 21:13 PM

If they were his friends he could contact them himself for addresses. Do not respond. Advise your friends and family that you and your contact information are not his business. Do not respond.

homewrecked2011 posted 11/21/2019 21:50 PM

Crickets. No response at all.

BearlyBreathing posted 11/21/2019 23:42 PM

Nope. Just no.

ClaireDF posted 11/22/2019 02:12 AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sometimes you just need clarity from others. That was what I was thinking. This is what I replied:
ďThis request has been bothering me. I am going to set a boundary here. I am not your secretary any longer. You should just contact the people you want addresses for by FB message or however you are in contact with them and ask for their addresses. Simple as.Ē

Catwoman posted 11/22/2019 07:48 AM

People in hell want ice water, too.

He fired you from that job. Therefore, you are under no obligation to undertake it.


MamaDragon posted 11/22/2019 08:48 AM

Text him back that you are no longer his wife and therefore no longer have any desire to help him resolve his issues.

Or just crickets.

Crickets drives everyone nutty, even when they are metaphorical.

Lalagirl posted 11/22/2019 09:04 AM

"No" is a complete sentence.


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