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Buying a house....WH back pedals

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UneedToSmile posted 12/2/2019 21:02 PM

I guess he didnít think Iíd do it. Now ďwhy donít you just rent?Ē ďWhat happens when we stay together and we have two houses?Ē He says. Really?! Minutes before I made an offer you were moving to an apartment! Since Iím making the move I guess now is the time to retract all previous agreements about moving out. Is this typical? Is it the 180 at work? Heís just panicking, right?

nekonamida posted 12/2/2019 21:10 PM

He's panicking. He was hoping you'd be a good wife and stay married to him while he chooses between you and AP. He can't accept the reality that when you cheat and tell your spouse you no longer love him, that spouse will move on without you. Stay the course and don't stop until he demonstrates through his actions that he's worth sticking around for.

UneedToSmile posted 12/2/2019 21:32 PM

Trying to stay strong. Not looking forward to the next couple of weeks. I think heís going to mess with my head till Iím out🙁

SMSA925 posted 12/2/2019 21:37 PM

A house! Great step in the right direction! Block him out. Hes a liar. Not dependable, not on your side. You do what you need to do for you and the kids. Make that offer. Be sure to see a family lawyer (not a RE lawyer) to make sure you are protected in this purchase. (Maybe put it a trust, in your kids names?) Follow your head, not your heart, its broken right now.

FTG. Yay, YOU!

UneedToSmile posted 12/2/2019 22:18 PM

SMSA great advice. Luckily my parents are helping in a big way. WH says, ďrun to mommy and daddy for help.Ē
Abso-fucking-lutely! They are my best supporters that rooted for us from the beginning! I honestly think heíd be happier if I listened to violin music in a cardboard box while staring at his picture. You are SO right....FTG! Thanks SMSA for putting a smile on my face😊

totallydumb posted 12/2/2019 22:49 PM

heíd be happier if I listened to violin music in a cardboard box while staring at his picture.

This is priceless.... I LMAO at this.

The1stWife posted 12/3/2019 03:48 AM

He cannot accept you are moving on without him.

How very mature (and predictable) he is.

BigBlueEyes posted 12/3/2019 04:31 AM

For 3 months heís given you the run around, now it seems heís the one in a spin,
Stick to what will work for you & your daughters,

Remember he wont be happy heís loosing control of the outcome because you are gaining control & momentum to get yourself out of infidelity.

Is he still in contact with the AP?
Stay strong
& strength to you

WhoTheBleep posted 12/3/2019 05:16 AM

You are still married. You are buying a house. In most states (that I'm aware), he will have a claim on that house, even if your parents' money was used to buy it. See an attorney. Perhaps put it in your parents' name. Once your divorce is final, they can sign it over to you.

And make sure their wills are up to date to include the house.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:17 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

UneedToSmile posted 12/3/2019 05:37 AM

BBE....I donít think he is still seeing AP, but I didnít think he would do this in the first place either. He actually just said, ď I think Iím panicking.Ē Ha! I answered by walking out of the room. 1st wife....the house is in my parentsí name, so I think weíre good. Theyíve talked to their lawyer at length. I am their only child now since my siblings both died young in 2008. They tell me it will all be mine someday anyway.

BigBlueEyes posted 12/3/2019 05:59 AM

So if heís not giving you the run around because of the AP heís just doing it for shits & giggles? Bloody hell he sounds like a prize, his lack of empathy & guilt speaks volumes tbh.

I think itís wonderful your very generous & lovely parents are giving you this out, itís 1 step closer to getting you out of infidelity, I know itís not ideal, no one wants to separate or divorce but sometimes we really donít have any choice.

Head high & stay strong, show him what heís going to be missing out on.
He doesnít deserve you.

nekonamida posted 12/3/2019 08:28 AM

BBE....I donít think he is still seeing AP, but I didnít think he would do this in the first place either.

I see BSes make this mistake all the time. And it makes sense! You would THINK that everything blowing up so spectacularly and the marriage being jeopardized is enough to make most WSes stop. But it's not.

If you don't have solid evidence that he cut the OW off and have transparency with his devices to ensure that he's not still talking to her, he almost certainly is. And since he's waffling, telling you he's not committed, but then panicking when you suddenly move on, it's even more likely that he's still seeing her and he's panicking because he's realizing he's going to be stuck with her.

cocoplus5nuts posted 12/3/2019 08:35 AM

Stay your course! You don't need his agreement to do anything with your life.

He's panicking. He didn't think you'd actually do it. Let him sweat.

Chaos posted 12/3/2019 14:47 PM

Yup. He is in full on panic mode.

Buy yourself a fabulous housewarming present.

UneedToSmile posted 12/3/2019 16:47 PM

He called on his way home to tell me to be careful of the realtor; heís heard some things. Whatever. Then asked, ďso when are you signing papers?Ē I told him it was already done. He was incredulous! He said, ď so this is a done deal?!Ē Ummm, yes, I told you yesterday! Now his ďtummyĒ hurts. What?!?

Bigger posted 12/3/2019 18:58 PM

I want to second the warnings about buying a house even if itís your parents that are the owners. If you two have a house already then, I guess your safest bet is to get that house on the market while you still live there.

We recently had a poster in the D forum who (per agreement) moved out of the marital property, leaving her soon-to-be ex husband in it. He delayed the final divorce and then sabotaged several sales. Eventually the property was sold, but it took significantly longer than expected.
In the strongest words: Get the financial aspects all lined up. At the VERY minimum have a legally binding agreement about who pays the mortgage, utilitiesÖ As a small example of what he COULD do: He could renege on payments leading to a foreclosure. That debt could be YOUR debt tooÖ

UneedToSmile posted 12/3/2019 19:51 PM

Thanks for the advice Bigger. Iíve told him we need to get things written down and signed. He just canít deal right now...his whole life is upside down. 🙄 Iím giving him till Friday, then Iíll make my own proposal or file. He wants to stay in our house, so I donít think heíll renege. Heís always been proud of his credit score, I honestly donít think heíll do anything to jeopardize that. Time will tell....I didnít think heíd do the shit he has done either, so I guess he has potential.

Lalagirl posted 12/4/2019 10:23 AM

He just canít deal right now...his whole life is upside down

Let me find my tiny violin to play him a Song 'O Sympathy......

Can't find it! Can't seem to find any shits to give either...

Wow, is he a poorly aging 12-year-old? Unbelievable.

((((Uneed)))) so proud of you for getting the ball rolling and getting out of got this!

Chaos posted 12/4/2019 10:26 AM

Aww...his poor wittle tummy hurts....

I tried but I am just outta fucks to give about that

UneedToSmile posted 12/4/2019 16:57 PM

I feel pretty strong in my decision and moving forward right now. It helps that he keeps doing the ďpoor meĒ thing because I feel he deserves it and I think he wouldíve continued manipulating because he thought he could. His tummy aches and not wanting to talk are over the are all right, heís acting like such a child! The one thing that has been consistent since dday is him saying, ďI donít know what I want.Ē Well I feel like timeís up. I canít continue to be jerked around. I just hope he doesnít turn it on hard and make me wishy-washy again. Please tell me those of you that implemented NC stuck to your guns and that itís not going to be as hard as I think it will be! Your support is helping SOOO much!

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