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WS/fWS Questions for BS's--Part 1?

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Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 13:03 PM

Ohfor...

I can't hardly begin to tell you how amazing and wonderful he was.

In my mind, he had much of the spirit that I was referring to with DS.

He reached out to Mrs. Life in a way that you had to see and read about.

But he was like that with others in need IRL as well.

Ohforanewme....................

I just can't.....................

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 13:07 PM

Someone help me please!

Please do right by Ohforanewme/John and his lovely new bride...

I just can't do it without immeasurable pain right now.

Pippin doesn't know...

How can I answer this? I just hurt and hurt and hurt and think of my mom and DS and everyone good that aren't a part of this life anymore.

The grief and loss and tragedy and wrong of it all are just too damn much...

It's not you, Pippin...you are only trying to help and support me right now. None of that is any kind of thing against you whatsoever!

Thank you for reaching out to me, Pippin. I will compose myself eventually. It's not you or your fault at all that I triggered over this shit.

You didn't do anything wrong there. Please no one be ugly to Pippin for not knowing...

Odonna or MMS can tell you if no one else is able to.

And - what was so wonderful about Ohfor?

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=642867


[This message edited by Cephastion at 1:35 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 14:34 PM

I am better composed now that the waves of grief over the loss of Ohfor/John and so many others that were the spirit of what I'm after here have passed.

I have asked for some to share what the pros and cons are of sharing a WW username vs. keeping it private/unknown.

I have also said that I want a fair trial.

Justice is a thing that I deeply crave.

Not vengeance but a real wife and family instead of just more loss and grief and betrayal and bullying and abuse and slander and lies and abandonment.

That is what I want.

I want peace and closure and real life or else death and the relative thought of rest that would come from it. My two kids who are still at home need a father and something better than just lying, abandoning, hateful, vicious, hypocritical spoiled and entitled abusive role models though.

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 15:36 PM

I think it says a lot about you, Ceph, that you most favourite moments here on SI are helping others. Thatís very Christian of you. Very kind, generous and selfless.

Have you allowed SI members to extend the same opportunities to you? I guess what Iím trying to say here is, let us help you. As hard as it my be, forget trying to help everyone else, be selfish, focus on you. Use us as a tool to help you personally in your darkness. Let us be to you, as you have been to others.--Loukas

I think you should know that from what Iíve seen, people care about you and are here to support you. Some people wonít be proactive about it, but theyíre here anyway.

Please look after yourself.--Mrs. Walloped

I think this thread that you are proposing is an extension of that need.

But Iím here to tell you the good news brother! There are already 2 whole forums already here that can allow you to do just that! If you have some feelings you want to express. Some insights you wish to share? Post away in JFO or General. I guaran-fucking-tee that lots of WSí will read it. You donít need to wait for a thread where you get asked directly. Shit doesnít always need to be asked in the form of a question. This ainít Jeopardy.

All it takes is the willingness to put yourself out there... to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable.--Holding Together

I truly wish you had opened with the struggles that you were experiencing and instead had asked for support in that regard because I donít think we would be having this conversation if you had. I feel certain that this community would have come together and provided you with the support that you were seeking.--WalkinOnEggshelz


I do think site culture has changed without her guiding energy, but your grief was more personal. It seems to me that you feel that if she had been here when you came to find what you needed, she would have pulled out a chair and poured you a mug of hot chocolate and asked you questions. Your sadness reads like you believe she would have seen you, that she would have helped you find your keys.

I think it was hard for me to get all that because of the way your story unfolded. And of course, I could be way off base. It's meant to be supportive,...--BraveSirRobin

I think now is the time for you to listen to the flight attendants. Save yourself, then your kids that are with you. Get that settled, and then do what you can to help your wife. You have to put you and your younger kids first now.

From what you've written, you've been let down by just about everyone in your life. I can imagine that makes it hard to ask for help or support. What do you need this morning? How can we help you?--WifeHad5

If you could take a step back, take a deep breath (or 5), and read here with a completely open mind, not taking anything personally, you might find what you're looking for. We can't help you if you don't let us.

I sincerely do wish you peace, a way to find contentment within yourself. If you can do that, these difficult times won't be as painful.--Cocoplus5nuts

I could go on quoting but yes...okay...I just opened a thread in JFO called "Pop Goes the Weasel"
The title is not a veiled threat by me that I'm about to go postal, btw.

Native Texans (and I think Southern men in general) aren't too inclined to come right out and ask for help.

Part of the reason for that besides just male masculine pride is also because it only hurts all the worse when you create that "expectation" and only wind up shit-out-of-luck emptyhanded for having asked for help like I've experienced so many DAMN times in my life including both times my wife left me and including the majority of people that I have interacted with on a personal basis IRL in this year.

In answer to another poster on here, my church wants nothing to do with helping me or my wife or kids. PERIOD. I don't blame God for that but I do blame self-righteous selfish human pride and arrogance for that.

Anyway, that thread is this one:

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=642890

I just realized that since it's a JFO thread, none of the remorseful/reformed WS's can actually post on there...damn...maybe I can get it moved to somewhere else or something...IDK...

I respect the rules and the protected forums concept very much. I just never post in JFO as a thread starter, so I didn't think about that I guess. I hope this one continues however.

Certain souls like Ohforanewme deserve to be celebrated and grieved for the passing of them from this life and support "club".

[This message edited by Cephastion at 3:40 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Loukas posted 12/15/2019 15:47 PM

I have a couple questions, because I am trying to understand where you are coming from. First I want to address this:

I have asked for some to share what the pros and cons are of sharing a WW username vs. keeping it private/unknown.
I don't have any experience with this and don't feel like I have much to offer. I just don't want to give the impression that I'm ignoring your request either. I hope someone with experience could help you out though.

As for my questions. Why are you considering sharing your wife's name? What do you think could be the pros or cons?

The fair trial comment has me a little confused. Who is it that you want a fair trial from? And of what?

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 16:05 PM

The fair trial comment has me a little confused. Who is it that you want a fair trial from? And of what?

My wife and 3 of my kids decided the same thing that people on here are saying in a way.

But they didn't just disagree with me. They can do that on a number of levels for a number of years without necessarily ruffling my feathers too much. I guess it depends on the nature of the "disagreement".

My wife feels that she has the right to make up shit about being abused. And that gives her the right to just hijack the shit out of everything and leave. And in the past it meant she could go fuck other women's husbands or SO's also.

My older kids have this same abusive slanderous lying mentality that they got from her and the one-way entitlement world around them.

I want a fair trial or hearing of the facts instead of all this bullshit silence and evasion and guilty-without-even-a-fucking-chance to be proven innocent.

Imagine if a woman drugged you and raped you and you got a life altering, sterilizing STI.

What would people say about the supposed rape?

What if she was the one crying foul or rape?

Who would they all instinctively believe?

Would anyone even give a rat's ass about how you felt about the matter?

What if it kept on happening because you didn't realize that it was your own damn WIFE that was actually the one doing that shit to you?

I only just recently fully realized what an abusive fucking asshole my wife and her mother and others in my life really are. That doesn't mean that I'm perfect or totally innocent of any wrongdoing myself, but what is the difference between "emotional abuse" and just "self defense"?

I am trying to figure that shit out.

WithGrace posted 12/15/2019 17:19 PM

I just read this thread through from the beginning. I see a BS in incredible pain and casting a wide net to try and get some relief. Cephastion, I'm truly sorry you are still suffering this much.

Life is a struggle. As a BS, my world imploded. As I've walked my path to recovery I have been forced to examine the assumptions I used to make about the world and people around me.

I realized XWH blew my world apart but it was up to me to figure out how to put myself back together and live an authentic, fulfilled existence. For me this meant leaving him behind and casting out on my own. I had to learn how to increase my agency in my own life from whom I chose to spend time with to each decision that I make. I now live under a completely different set of assumptions...

1) No one owes me anything. It is up to me to clearly communicate my needs, wants and boundaries. If someone fits in then great, if not it's up to me to accept the way they are or move on.

2) Control is an illusion. I've come to accept the only thing I can control in life is how I choose to respond to what happens around me. This was a tough lesson. I had to embrace the fear of a lack of control over my world. I had to work on just being myself and doing my best to manage the challenges that come my way. I still struggle with this at times but it has become much easier.

3) I truly believe that people do the best they can at any given moment. Unfortunately sometimes a person's best isn't good for the people around them. Part of my recovery was realizing people do awful things and they weren't about me at all. This allowed me to shift away from identifying as a victim and once again, recognizing my agency to choose my own path. I can't control what another person says or does but I can choose to move away from people that consistently bring me down.

I think you may be trying to seek support from WSs on here to get something that you can't get from your own WS. I remember wishing my XWS would do this or that but in the end it was up to me to get myself out of infidelity. I'm sorry your WW isn't plugged in to give you what you need. Please remember you are among those that truly understand the weight of the trauma of infidelity. We are all here to support you.

I wish you a moment of peace.

Loukas posted 12/15/2019 17:30 PM

I don't have to imagine the hypothetical scenario you provided, Ceph. Actually, I lived a very similar situation as you currently find yourself in. After trying to save my marriage for two years, my ex started crying abuse to anyone that would listen. We both come from very small towns, so needless to say the rumour mills were producing and I was pretty heavily alienated.

To make it all worse, she pursued her claims through the courts and with the police just to make it all official in her mind.

It was all a long drawn out battle that only fueled a nasty divorce, but in the end, I was at least able to get the courts to throw out her claims. After a few years, our communities came back around too. But none of that helped me in my darkest hours and the isolation I felt.

From the bottom of my heart, I really am sorry to hear you are living through this too. It is unfair. Completely and totally.

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 17:44 PM

I don't have to imagine the hypothetical scenario you provided, Ceph. Actually, I lived a very similar situation as you currently find yourself in. After trying to save my marriage for two years, my ex started crying abuse to anyone that would listen. We both come from very small towns, so needless to say the rumour mills were producing and I was pretty heavily alienated.

To make it all worse, she pursued her claims through the courts and with the police just to make it all official in her mind.

It was all a long drawn out battle that only fueled a nasty divorce, but in the end, I was at least able to get the courts to throw out her claims. After a few years, our communities came back around too. But none of that helped me in my darkest hours and the isolation I felt.

From the bottom of my heart, I really am sorry to hear you are living through this too. It is unfair. Completely and totally.

Damn Loukas! Maybe you really DO get me on this point after all!

I have no family left alive man. And she and my mother in law basically killed off my grandpa in a roundabout way.

And she's infected the kids with this shit.

The 2 at home are finally "vaccinated" against these lies I think but it took all summer and fall to get them to that point.

Entitlement and slander are destroying us man

And no one gives a flying FUCK. NO ONE. (IRL, that is). My w youngest are the only ones that care about any of it at all. well my wife kinda does in her own sick way but not enough to stop her own abuse and abandonment and lying to herself and others.

She acted like I was beating her when I hugged her the other night. And no it was not a bear hug. More like a barely-hug. She ran out of the door like her hair was on fire. And that was while refusing to give over the passwords for the accounts so that I could pay the damn bills when our phone/internet service was being cut off.

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 17:47 PM

1) No one owes me anything. It is up to me to clearly communicate my needs, wants and boundaries. If someone fits in then great, if not it's up to me to accept the way they are or move on.

2) Control is an illusion. I've come to accept the only thing I can control in life is how I choose to respond to what happens around me. This was a tough lesson. I had to embrace the fear of a lack of control over my world. I had to work on just being myself and doing my best to manage the challenges that come my way. I still struggle with this at times but it has become much easier.

3) I truly believe that people do the best they can at any given moment. Unfortunately sometimes a person's best isn't good for the people around them. Part of my recovery was realizing people do awful things and they weren't about me at all. This allowed me to shift away from identifying as a victim and once again, recognizing my agency to choose my own path. I can't control what another person says or does but I can choose to move away from people that consistently bring me down.

Wisdom........

THANK YOU

I've been trying to see this on my own but I'm a slow damn learner, I guess.

I did box up her things last night with the kids however, and I've refused to interact with her on the phone today for sanity's sake.

cocoplus5nuts posted 12/15/2019 18:00 PM

Hard to do without 5 bucks in my account.


I was afraid of that. I thought I had remembered that about your sitch from before. This site is free. You can use us if you are willing to listen.

I think we think very differently. It seems you are very black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. I don't think that way. I don't think of other people as right or wrong or good or bad, just maybe different. I may disagree with them. That doesn't make them wrong and me right. I'm not wrong because they disagree with me, either. It's just differing opinions, POVs. If you can't see that, we can agree to disagree. But, please, stop putting words in my mouth. At no time did I say you were wrong. Nor did I say that you have no rights.

I don't see rights the same as you. I have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That's it. I don't have the right to demand that someone else make that happen for me. It's my life, my liberty, my pursuit of happiness. My rights end where yours begin. We both have the right to do whatever we want as long as we don't infringe on each other's rights.

You have the right to whatever you want going on in your head, even expectations. What you don't have the right to do is force whatever is in your head onto someone else. You don't have the right to demand that others fulfill those expectations. They won't. They don't have to. No one owes you anything. Saying that anyone does owe is entitlement. You are not entitled to anything from anyone else except to be left alone.

None of us here on SI owe you anything, even decency. We may get banned from the site if we are horrible, but that still doesn't mean we owe anyone on here anything. It just means that SI has boundaries.

I think I will stop posting on here anymore. I feel like I'm going around and around in circles. I fell like I'm not being heard. I am not using a foreign language. It isn't my job to talk in a way that you can understand. If you want to understand, it's your job to learn the language.

Maia posted 12/15/2019 18:22 PM

wow.

I never really asked BS questions because

1. My H was so different from anyone else I know there's no point.
2. I needed to focus on getting my own crap straight and then MAYBE I could help him. Maybe. But all I was gonna do was throw gas on a fire until I fixed me.
3. Dealing with the guilt and the fear were too much. If I faced that? really faced it? without doing massive healing myself? I woulda lost it.

I don't think I'm alone in that. Hence the no WS to Bs questions.

but this thread isn't about that. It started like that but it's really about you. Your heart. Which feels like it will implode because of all that is hitting you. I'll sit here and listen. I'll offer what I have. I think the people talking about expectations and what not are expecting too much from you. They're not grokking your pain. The agony. Just, don't respond. its ok. Respond when you feel better. Bygones. It's ok.

The wonderful thing about Christmas is that it's a time of hope. A time when real love shone into the darkness of the world and came for us. The fact that you hurt so much is awful. But. It also points to an understanding, deep down, that this isn't how things are meant to be.

it isn't. I believe all things will be made new. Set right. Fixed. If I can offer you that and you can see it. well, that's a start. Praying for you.

[This message edited by Maia at 6:26 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 19:22 PM

I don't think I'm alone in that. Hence the no WS to Bs questions.

but this thread isn't about that. It started like that but it's really about you.

Yes and no, Maia.

I miss the wife that I thought I knew.

I don't know this other version so well.

What I don't know is how typical the wayward, Xerox-copy-of-her-mother version of her is.

Your husband may not be like anyone else, but there are certain common denominators with waywards from what I can tell.

I don't know how much of what my wife is doing is "normal" wayward behavior and how much is possibly clinically label-able. And a remorseful wayward would know the difference between the before and the after versions of their own thinking.

I don't know those differences so well because I'm not nor have I ever been wired up the way my wife is whether it's mostly just "wayward" or else disordered in some clinical sense. I don't know. I'm trying to figure that the hell out for my own sanity as well as the kids...and her benefit as well, actually.

I want to know what she can likely be cured of in her screwed up thinking and behavior and how to arrive at that place of health and better well-being.

But this is also about me and the question I was asking also. I feel alone and have had my very best, most connected and fulfilling times of support on SI while helping other waywards to keep hoping and fighting for their families and healing and recovery from all of this awful, devastating, abusive shit.

It is abuse, btw. Infidelity and lies and abandonment is every bit as abusive as other forms in my opinion.

Some part of me was and is looking for that hope. I need to see hope and help and love and decency right about now. But I also want answers. I realize that many on here seem to echo along with my wife. To say that I have no right to any answers for anything. That I have no right to any kind of help getting closure or better understanding or sanity or help or support or healing on any of my own terms other than what I can provide all by myself to myself in a soulless vacuum of solitary savior-ship. That's what I think some are suggesting at least.

Well fuck that. I don't buy it. If God in heaven says that it's not good for man to be alone and even HE made people for Himself to interact with, then I'm not gonna tell Him He's wrong about what He thinks and what He invented and did.

And no one has to agree with any of that for themselves but why are they even on here with other people on a support-based relationship issue related website in the first place?

That's like me going into the women's locker room ( i.e. where I really don't belong) and denying the existence or legitimacy of cramps and sweat and locker rooms. Why even go in there for that? Why be there at all if that's your goal or mindset? Seems kinda like trespassing to me to even show up if that's where you're coming from and headed.

If I'm wrong or mistaken about where others are coming from in all of this, then okay. I'm not empowered or even wanting to be empowered to make the trespassing call on someone that's here on SI, unless they are just trolling for the sheer ugliness of it, and I don't think that anyone on this thread is intentionally doing that to me.

I recall you as having some material in the healing library, I think.

Can you tell me why my thread request for Q & A or a request for such between any BS and WS's is so charged and divisive or controversial from the wayward frame of mind? Why are so many WS's so defensive about such a simple request? Some of the WS's on this thread don't strike me as being offended or defensive at all. Did you find it offputting for me to ask about this, and if so, then why?

[This message edited by Cephastion at 7:34 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Loukas posted 12/15/2019 19:45 PM

Damn Loukas! Maybe you really DO get me on this point after all!
I really do, man, I really truly do. Sadly, far more than you know.

I have no family left alive man.
I know. I was one of the many who sat and read post after post as you shared your story in The Betrayed Menz Thread. It's because of that that I have been as active on this thread. Because I've seen the complete lack of real life support you have, the tragedies you've suffered. I've read the struggles you've experienced when trying to relate within this community. I've even been involved in it at one point.

But I've followed through, because I've lived in the darkness. For longer than I'd wish on my worst enemy. I've felt isolation in ways I hope no one would ever have to experience. And I also know first hand how amazing this community can be for such a lost soul.

I have a story I really want to share with you. One I think you could really relate to in some way or another. It goes back to the night before I joined SI. For the two years previous that night, I had been doing everything I could to save my marriage, and nothing was working. To make it all worse, I was basically navigating everything that was infidelity by myself, with a little bit of help from a counsellor. My ex continued her affair all along and just kept taking it deeper and deeper underground. Until one night, I came home from a counselling session only to find an empty house.

I didn't have any tears left once I realized what happened. I just sat down and stared at the wall. I felt a sense of relief, I felt a sense of defeat but most of all, I really began feeling despair.

For the next 4-5 months, the despair controlled my life. I was actively trying to defeat it and seeking professional help in doing so. But I wasn't winning the battle. Despite my best efforts, it just kept getting darker and darker around me. Until one night, I was done. I couldn't fight my battle any longer.

I walked into my garage and grabbed one of my hammers and an electrical cord. I went back into the house, knocked out the ceiling exposing two of the rafters and tied my noose. As I re-read my letter I intended to leave, a letter I had been working on for months, I didn't feel I was explaining the unbearable pain I was in adequately. And for some reason I went to google for some help. I typed up something along the line of "how to describe the pain infidelity has brought into my life." One of the first links that came up was a betrayed wife explaining her pain here on SI.

As I read her words, I couldn't believe how well she was able to convey my pain. Finally, someone out there was capable of actually understanding me! Even if she didn't know it. Before clicking that link, I had never heard of SI. After reading that story, I couldn't help but read more and more stories, until I realized I wasn't alone after all.

I cried, man. For hours. I was so relieved, but still drowning in so much pain. Sometime in the morning I mustered up my courage and made my account. With my noose still swinging in the background I made my JFO. I cut it down later that day.

That fall I was blessed with an incredible opportunity to meet with a bunch of SI peeps in Dallas. No easy trip for a Canuck. But the attendees were people I really wanted to meet and I did all I could to make sure it would happen. WOES and HT graciously opened their house to a bunch of internet strangers and at that time, I was posting a lot in the Wayward Side. I really appreciated WOES perspective and the message she'd pass on to new waywards. The Betrayed Menz Thread was hoping at that time too, we would knock off threads in weeks and you could always count on HT dropping a post that would get the boys laughing in it's truth and pain. But I learned that DS and MH would be there too, and that was an opportunity I would not pass up, because knowing how close I was to leaving this life, I wanted nothing more than to be able to thank them in real life.

I was a little gun shy in my conviction, but on the second night of the GTG, an opportunity presented itself and I was able to speak one on one with DS. I got to tell her about that night and what it meant to me to simply be able to say thank you. She had no words, just a hug. Nothing more was needed.

I made some really great friends that evening, people who I developed some great relationships with afterwards. I think the reason I'm sharing this with you is to highlight, there are incredible folks here and I don't think I have to tell you that, I'm pretty sure you are well aware of that. But I see you struggle when trying to relate and we don't always get it right, but I'm convinced that we are all just human and we are here to help, even when it doesn't feel that way.

[This message edited by Loukas at 7:51 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Maia posted 12/15/2019 19:54 PM

Yes and no, Maia.

I miss the wife that I thought I knew.

I don't know this other version so well.

You're actually getting to know the real her. Could part of your helping waywards (besides kindness? which is lovely) be a form of projection on your part? You can't help her fight for your life. So you'll help others. And that's ok. I'm just saying it's there.

One thing I had to do was give up control. Without surrendering my desires. I can't force anyone to want what's right (even myself) Heck. I was so messed up I didn't know what I wanted. Thats part of why I was here. But giving up control was big. I didn't think I was controlling. (LOL) I just wanted what I wanted exactly the way I wanted it all the time!

I ended up having it out with God a lot. I still do. A Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump meeting on top of the boat with me screaming. Those don't happen AS OFTEN now as they used to, but I still do it. I still need to be touched on my thigh. To wrestle it out.

may I humbly suggest you do that?

What I don't know is how typical the wayward, Xerox-copy-of-her-mother version of her is.

I'm my dad made over. My sister is my mom. Thank God. But yes, we are much like our parents.

Your husband may not be like anyone else, but there are certain common denominators with waywards from what I can tell.

I don't know how much of what my wife is doing is "normal" wayward behavior and how much is possibly clinically label-able. And a remorseful wayward would know the difference between the before and the after versions of their own thinking.

Don't worry about whats normal, whats common, etc. That's you trying to control. You're not in control. Ask for light. Ask for truth (from God) and insight and wisdom and discernment. I'm asking for those things for you. And wait for the answers. Don't try to figure it out. When you feel yourself trying to reason, just turn that into prayer.

you'll find out the answers when you do that.

The truth is she's a liar. And she lies to herself. you're right, it is abuse. It's awful. But she can't give you answers. Answers might come to you through posts here. But ultimately all truth comes from Him and you'll do best to seek it there first. jmho.

I don't know those differences so well because I'm not nor have I ever been wired up the way my wife is whether it's mostly just "wayward" or else disordered in some clinical sense. I don't know. I'm trying to figure that the hell out for my own sanity as well as the kids...and her benefit as well, actually.

you love her. of course you do. Of course you want to figure it out. you also hate her.

Brokenhearted means we are split into pieces. Your heart feels...opposed to itself. thats what brokenhearted is. you can't fix it. You'll hate her and love her and be disgusted and revolted and drawn to her and all of it at once.

Stop reasoning. Breathe. Ask God.

I want to know what she can likely be cured of in her screwed up thinking and behavior and how to arrive at that place of health and better well-being.

He came to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free. Yes she can be totally healed and all of it. But you can't do it for her. It's not your journey.

But you can pray.


But this is also about me and the question I was asking also. I feel alone and have had my very best, most connected and fulfilling times of support on SI while helping other waywards to keep hoping and fighting for their families and healing and recovery from all of this awful, devastating, abusive shit.

I hear you brother. And its good to give out of your pain. but take care of you too.

It is abuse, btw. Infidelity and lies and abandonment is every bit as abusive as other forms in my opinion.

yep. it is. its one of the worst forms of it.

Some part of me was and is looking for that hope. I need to see hope and help and love and decency right about now. But I also want answers. I realize that many on here seem to echo along with my wife. To say that I have no right to any answers for anything. That I have no right to any kind of help getting closure or better understanding or sanity or help or support or healing on any of my own terms other than what I can provide all by myself to myself in a soulless vacuum of solitary savior-ship. That's what I think some are suggesting at least.

I agree with you on that. so look up and get your answers from the one who came at Christmas. Don't be a practical agnostic.

Well fuck that. I don't buy it. If God in heaven says that it's not good for man to be alone and even HE made people for Himself to interact with, then I'm not gonna tell Him He's wrong about what He thinks and what He invented and did.

good!!

And no one has to agree with any of that for themselves but why are they even on here with other people on a support-based relationship issue related website in the first place?

That's like me going into the women's locker room ( i.e. where I really don't belong) and denying the existence or legitimacy of cramps and sweat and locker rooms. Why even go in there for that? Why be there at all if that's your goal or mindset? Seems kinda like trespassing to me to even show up if that's where you're coming from and headed.

people are in different places. different faiths. just accept that. Take what you can use from what you get here. And discard the rest, politely. its ok to do that.


If I'm wrong or mistaken about where others are coming from in all of this, then okay. I'm not empowered or even wanting to be empowered to make the trespassing call on someone that's here on SI, unless they are just trolling for the sheer ugliness of it, and I don't think that anyone on this thread is intentionally doing that to me.

I think you're in pain. Don't sweat what people say so much. Be grateful they cared enough to post. and if you can't hear what they are saying, if it isn't helpful? just let it go. its ok.


[This message edited by Maia at 8:12 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Maia posted 12/15/2019 20:01 PM

Loukas, you get a hug. I'm really glad you found help here. SI is an amazing place.

I loved DS. I still do. I'm glad she's not in pain anymore. She is an amazing person. I lost unicornsearcher a while before DS died and we cried together over her. DS died a few years later.

<3

But I don't mourn like those who have no hope. Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the song without words and never stops at all. Hope says I'll see them again.

You'll see your friend again, Ceph.

[This message edited by Maia at 9:40 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

crazyinlove1995 posted 12/15/2019 20:34 PM

Ceph..Bro hugs man...I have read only a few posts so,I'm not going to dive in.Im concerned for you my friend,when you reached out to me.I have not forgotten.My friend take a breath of fresh air and know your not alone.My WW continues to be the same person also.You are not alone with having a WW that won't communicate.Please focus on you.
Peace

Cephastion posted 12/15/2019 21:05 PM

Maia...

Loukas...

Crazyinlove...

I really needed that...

Maia, I don't know how to tell you how badly I needed what you shared, and in my own "native tounge" particularly.

And Loukas, I didn't even "recognize you" man! I barely know how to respond. I hope to give what you shared with me a better response than what I am presently capable of.

Crazyinlove, it's good not to feel alone in this even though I wish you were out of this hellish mess.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 9:12 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Loukas posted 12/15/2019 21:17 PM

I don't need a response, Ceph, your post before the edit was more than enough!

Maia posted 12/15/2019 21:24 PM

<3 any time brother.

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