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Newest Member: mkei

Divorce/Separation :
Clarity?

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 UneedToSmile (original poster member #72111) posted at 3:45 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

I hope what I am experiencing now is some much-needed and long-lasting clarity. You see, I read a lot of posts here and they gave me hope when I should’ve known better. My WH’s plans became clear to me today. It’s a having your cake and eating it too scenario, only with me losing MUCH more than I planned. He told me again that he fell out of love with me, but maybe we could start to date when I moved into my new house. Now, I must really be a doormat if he honestly thought I’d be thrilled at this suggestion. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t want me to file because he didn’t want to divorce me only to remarry me in 2 years. Okay, so now we have a timeline! One in which I’m doing what exactly? Waiting for my cheater husband to want me back while he’s out discovering himself? THEN, and this is the real kicker, he has the BALLS to suggest that he would have my kids half of the time! He has hardly spent time with them in the last three years and NOW he wants them? He knows they are my everything, so I’m sure it’s just to kick me when I’m down. So, after that, I decided that I do need to file. He is not going to honor my wishes for every other weekend and Wednesdays. It’s ALWAYS been about what he wants. He even asked the kids and they said they didn’t want that. I’m praying this first piece of honesty I’ve gotten in a long time will help me make that call to my lawyer on Monday. I need to stay clear and just rip off the fucking bandaid.

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8482643
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:59 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

I need to stay clear and just rip off the fucking bandaid.

Yep.

But more importantly, stay firmly in the knowledge that YOU deserve BETTER. I'm sorry Smiley, but if it's done, IMHO don't throw good years after bad.

Sending hugs and good juju!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3921   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8482648
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 UneedToSmile (original poster member #72111) posted at 4:07 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

Thanks for the support Ellie. I’ve just got to keep myself busy and remind myself of all the things he said today. There were other things besides those listed in my first post. He actually expects me to buy the gifts for his family for Christmas AND he’s upset that my parents aren’t getting him anything. He is telling me I should go to his brother’s house for Christmas and that if I didn’t, I’d be throwing them away. Okay, so shall we call him a narcissist or just a manipulator?

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8482652
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 4:15 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

Yep. File.

Nothing left to save here. Congrats UNTS!!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8482656
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 UneedToSmile (original poster member #72111) posted at 4:21 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

Thanks WTB! Gotta keep that courage up!

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8482658
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 4:30 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

I think he has lost his mind!

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 4608   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8482660
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Bleu ( member #14243) posted at 4:34 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

Put your B boots on.

You may be in for a fight. The good news is that you have time to plan and aren't blindsided.

I'm so sorry.

BS (Me) - 42
WS (It) - 42

Coupled in 1998
DD#1 - 2002
DD#2 - 2003
Married in 2010
DD#3 - 2012
And many more . . .

Divorcing

Two gorgeous, funny and fun little kids

posts: 293   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2007
id 8482661
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3greatkids ( member #69847) posted at 4:42 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

It’s truly eye opening when you clearly see the entitlement, and very sad when you realize they want to “have” the children but don’t really care about their actual well being isn’t?

Good luck as you move through this!

[This message edited by 3greatkids at 10:43 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]

You can’t get blood from a turnip...or remorse from a narcissist.

A lifetime of betrayals, not “just” 5.

I know my worth.

posts: 134   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2019
id 8482667
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 4:42 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

Okay, so shall we call him a narcissist or just a manipulator?

Let's just call him an overgrown toddler! Sheesh, what a maroon!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3921   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8482668
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 UneedToSmile (original poster member #72111) posted at 4:43 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

He definitely HAS lost his mind. That’s the only thing he’s lost. He sure as hell hasn’t lost any sleep.

I’m sure it will be a fight. Good thing I’ve been documenting his little adventures. Not that it will probably matter since we’re in a no fault state.

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8482669
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risingfromashes ( member #3903) posted at 12:49 PM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

THEN, and this is the real kicker, he has the BALLS to suggest that he would have my kids half of the time!

This would have a big impact on the amount of child support he would have to pay. All in his favor. It is reprehensible when a parent manipulates their children's lives to get out of supporting them.

posts: 2148   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2004
id 8482719
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 UneedToSmile (original poster member #72111) posted at 4:45 PM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

Rising, I know. My lawyer says I’d actually have to pay him if we did 50/50. He says he wouldn’t want that, just the kids. He has no idea how to do any of it. I’ve done it all since they were born. I have three girls and he’s never dealt with female issues. I even taught the older two to drive; he had no part in it. They would probably just sit at his house and he’d go out. Why can’t they just be with me then?

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8482805
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:01 PM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

I can suggest you file immediately and then go for complete no contact with him. Only respond to him via text or email so that everything is now documented.

At this point his delusions are dictating how he believes things are going to play out. What he doesn’t realize is that you will have an equal say in the future as to how things play out. He’s counting on you not upsetting his Apple Card and giving into him. Unfortunately he hasn’t learned that you are going to be establishing your independence and will no longer be influenced or coerced into doing what he wants.

You are in for a nasty Situation but if you are prepared you will weather the storm. I wish you the best of luck because I don’t see any other options for you at this time.

The fact that he would think he could go out and date and you would sit around waiting for him for a number of years shows you how clueless he really is!

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14753   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8482815
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 UneedToSmile (original poster member #72111) posted at 4:44 AM on Monday, December 16th, 2019

The storm has begun. It sucks and it’s pulling my kids under too. I hate this situation he has put us all in! And he still thinks he should get what he wants! Ughhh, I need a vacation or an out of body experience.

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8483131
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squid ( member #57624) posted at 2:19 PM on Monday, December 16th, 2019

Okay, so shall we call him a narcissist or just a manipulator?

He's a narcissistic manipulator.

Cut this man-child loose. Your life will become exponentially better. Hugs.

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2597   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8483228
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 UneedToSmile (original poster member #72111) posted at 3:55 AM on Tuesday, December 17th, 2019

Friday! I’m ready for it! Just need to get this temporary custody thing figured out. I NEED this time away. All your thoughts and hugs are so much appreciated. Looking forward to my new house!!!!

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8483697
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