UneedToSmile posted 12/14/2019 21:45 PM

I hope what I am experiencing now is some much-needed and long-lasting clarity. You see, I read a lot of posts here and they gave me hope when I should’ve known better. My WH’s plans became clear to me today. It’s a having your cake and eating it too scenario, only with me losing MUCH more than I planned. He told me again that he fell out of love with me, but maybe we could start to date when I moved into my new house. Now, I must really be a doormat if he honestly thought I’d be thrilled at this suggestion. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t want me to file because he didn’t want to divorce me only to remarry me in 2 years. Okay, so now we have a timeline! One in which I’m doing what exactly? Waiting for my cheater husband to want me back while he’s out discovering himself? THEN, and this is the real kicker, he has the BALLS to suggest that he would have my kids half of the time! He has hardly spent time with them in the last three years and NOW he wants them? He knows they are my everything, so I’m sure it’s just to kick me when I’m down. So, after that, I decided that I do need to file. He is not going to honor my wishes for every other weekend and Wednesdays. It’s ALWAYS been about what he wants. He even asked the kids and they said they didn’t want that. I’m praying this first piece of honesty I’ve gotten in a long time will help me make that call to my lawyer on Monday. I need to stay clear and just rip off the fucking bandaid.

EllieKMAS posted 12/14/2019 21:59 PM

I need to stay clear and just rip off the fucking bandaid.

But more importantly, stay firmly in the knowledge that YOU deserve BETTER. I'm sorry Smiley, but if it's done, IMHO don't throw good years after bad.

Sending hugs and good juju!

UneedToSmile posted 12/14/2019 22:07 PM

Thanks for the support Ellie. I’ve just got to keep myself busy and remind myself of all the things he said today. There were other things besides those listed in my first post. He actually expects me to buy the gifts for his family for Christmas AND he’s upset that my parents aren’t getting him anything. He is telling me I should go to his brother’s house for Christmas and that if I didn’t, I’d be throwing them away. Okay, so shall we call him a narcissist or just a manipulator?

WhoTheBleep posted 12/14/2019 22:15 PM

Yep. File.

Nothing left to save here. Congrats UNTS!!

UneedToSmile posted 12/14/2019 22:21 PM

Thanks WTB! Gotta keep that courage up!

Cooley2here posted 12/14/2019 22:30 PM

I think he has lost his mind!

Bleu posted 12/14/2019 22:34 PM

Put your B boots on.

You may be in for a fight. The good news is that you have time to plan and aren't blindsided.

I'm so sorry.

3greatkids posted 12/14/2019 22:42 PM

It’s truly eye opening when you clearly see the entitlement, and very sad when you realize they want to “have” the children but don’t really care about their actual well being isn’t?

Good luck as you move through this!

[This message edited by 3greatkids at 10:43 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]

EllieKMAS posted 12/14/2019 22:42 PM

Okay, so shall we call him a narcissist or just a manipulator?

UneedToSmile posted 12/14/2019 22:43 PM

He definitely HAS lost his mind. That’s the only thing he’s lost. He sure as hell hasn’t lost any sleep.

I’m sure it will be a fight. Good thing I’ve been documenting his little adventures. Not that it will probably matter since we’re in a no fault state.

risingfromashes posted 12/15/2019 06:49 AM

THEN, and this is the real kicker, he has the BALLS to suggest that he would have my kids half of the time!

This would have a big impact on the amount of child support he would have to pay. All in his favor. It is reprehensible when a parent manipulates their children's lives to get out of supporting them.

UneedToSmile posted 12/15/2019 10:45 AM

Rising, I know. My lawyer says I’d actually have to pay him if we did 50/50. He says he wouldn’t want that, just the kids. He has no idea how to do any of it. I’ve done it all since they were born. I have three girls and he’s never dealt with female issues. I even taught the older two to drive; he had no part in it. They would probably just sit at his house and he’d go out. Why can’t they just be with me then?

The1stWife posted 12/15/2019 11:01 AM

I can suggest you file immediately and then go for complete no contact with him. Only respond to him via text or email so that everything is now documented.

At this point his delusions are dictating how he believes things are going to play out. What he doesn’t realize is that you will have an equal say in the future as to how things play out. He’s counting on you not upsetting his Apple Card and giving into him. Unfortunately he hasn’t learned that you are going to be establishing your independence and will no longer be influenced or coerced into doing what he wants.

You are in for a nasty Situation but if you are prepared you will weather the storm. I wish you the best of luck because I don’t see any other options for you at this time.

The fact that he would think he could go out and date and you would sit around waiting for him for a number of years shows you how clueless he really is!

UneedToSmile posted 12/15/2019 22:44 PM

The storm has begun. It sucks and it’s pulling my kids under too. I hate this situation he has put us all in! And he still thinks he should get what he wants! Ughhh, I need a vacation or an out of body experience.

squid posted 12/16/2019 08:19 AM

Okay, so shall we call him a narcissist or just a manipulator?

He's a narcissistic manipulator.

Cut this man-child loose. Your life will become exponentially better. Hugs.

UneedToSmile posted 12/16/2019 21:55 PM

Friday! I’m ready for it! Just need to get this temporary custody thing figured out. I NEED this time away. All your thoughts and hugs are so much appreciated. Looking forward to my new house!!!!