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Pity Party Birthday post

AnnieMae posted 4/21/2020 07:18 AM

My birthday is coming up... last year I spent all of my birthday by myself watching a track meet of my son. Meanwhile my fWH spent all of my birthday sexting a woman arranging a meet up for the day after. And he bought me a box of whoppers! So this year my FWH had big plans for my birthday, he had booked a weekend trip away that included a concert. All of which got canceled. He says I have a card for you but no gifts because I will not buy you something from Walmart. And now he asks since everything is closed down could he go hunting that day. We cant do anything so why not. So it looks like I will be spending my birthday by myself again. (one son will be with him, the others working). I cant go get a pedicure. I cant go shopping. I cant go meet friends for coffee. He says he will be home early enough that we will get takeout from my favorite restaurant but I am not holding my breath. I am really beginning to hate my birthday.

Pity Party-party of one

The1stWife posted 4/21/2020 07:38 AM

May not be the best thus year - but look at the changes from last year to this year. Big improvements!!!

It seems as though he was planning on something but the pandemic changed all that. Itís the thought that counts no?

I had a big birthday 🍰 last month. I told my H weeks before the lockdown to cancel all plans. I was already uncomfortable with any celebration.

Turns out I had the Coronavirus and was not feeling good on my Birthday lol. I had a mild case but I still felt tired and hard to eat food. Just wanted to go to bed and sleep.

Just keep a positive mental attitude and you can have a good birthday. And a better celebration when this pandemic is over.

Justsomeguy posted 4/21/2020 10:22 AM

Hey, I tried to do something to make up for being such a shithead the last time but it got cancelled. Not my fault, but I tried. Am I off the look now? Can I go out and do what I want instead?

Did I get that right? Listen, people will treat you like you let them treat you. Try saying this onstead:

"No,it's not fucking okay! I am your wife and it's my birthday. Stop acting like a selfish piece of shit and try some empathy for a change I dont give a shit if the world is burning. Go move heavan and earth and MAKE MY DAY SPECIAL!"

I used to just sweep shit under the rug. While trying to deal with the aftermath of her fake EA, Valentine's day came around. I bought her a card and a nice gift. She bought me a card, just a card. She ad forgotten to buy me a gift our first Christmas together as well. Stupid piece of shit... Anyway, She said, "Oh, I just got you a card, I hope that's okay?" Hmmmm, nope. Not okay. Basically unloaded on her, went out and bought my favourite cologne..Then she bought me the same thing a few days later. Took hers back and kept mine. Bahaha

AnnieMae posted 4/21/2020 10:46 AM

Hey, I tried to do something to make up for being such a shithead the last time but it got cancelled. Not my fault, but I tried. Am I off the look now? Can I go out and do what I want instead?

Did I get that right? Listen, people will treat you like you let them treat you. Try saying this instead:

"No,it's not fucking okay! I am your wife and it's my birthday. Stop acting like a selfish piece of shit and try some empathy for a change I dont give a shit if the world is burning. Go move heaven and earth and MAKE MY DAY SPECIAL!"

I have thought those same things and if were not under quarantine I would say no, make it about me. But what are we going to do sit around and stare at each other. He has asked me numerous times if I am ok with him going hunting. He also called me a few minutes ago and he invited one of my best friends and her husband over to have a fire bit BBQ. Where we can social distance still but have people over. So he is making an effort. Our concert tickets were rescheduled for June so my birthday weekend is postponed not canceled.
At this point my birthday has a bitter taste in my mouth. I am just wanting it over with. I am hopeful the bark is worse than the bite.

thatbpguy posted 4/21/2020 10:53 AM

ddays have a way of ruining birthdays and holidays for many years. It hurts, but it's the way we travel now as a result of others wayward decisions.

I am not necessarily going to just trash your H for wanting to hunt after his well made plans got rifted, but I do thin he could have stayed home with you- watch a video or two together, go for a walk, go to the store and grab something you love to grill..... a day could have been made out of it nonetheless.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 4/21/2020 11:58 AM

If he's planning on getting you dinner from your favorite place, having dinner together etc, then he's not doing the same thing as last year - not in the least. If your birthday is anything like mine, there is no requirement that we spend the whole day together anyway - I mean most of the time mine is on a weekday and I have to go to work...and unlike most other times where "making time to spend together" is actually an effort, as opposed to a requirement like now, it would be a bigger deal. It sounds to me like he's still thinking of your birthday, trying to plan something since his original plans got ruined, and is being thoughtful in asking how you feel about whatever he does decide to do that is not with you. Sounds pretty good to me.

I mean, you could always go WITH him if that's your thing (not mine but you never know)?

allusions posted 4/21/2020 12:21 PM

It's your birthday. A special day. He knows last year was terrible for you and he wanted to make this year better but the pandemic canceled your birthday celebration. Why does he think it's ok to go off hunting that day? Why not the following day? He can stay home with you on your birthday and at least try to make you the focus instead of himself. He could make you dinner. Make you a cake. Give you a massage or a foot rub. I'd be very upset about him bailing out on your birthday.

AnnieMae posted 4/21/2020 12:57 PM

Why does he think it's ok to go off hunting that day? Why not the following day?

Because it is opening day and he and one of our sons are avid hunters and my son works the next day. He has made plans since my first post to have a BBQ with a couple that we are good friends with, so he is doing more. And while part of me wants to be a complete selfish bitch and scream spend all day with me I am a mom and I know with teenagers, we only have a few more years where he wants to do stuff with either of us. I do not want to hamper on that.
I know deep down that if the virus had not happened we would have an amazing weekend that he planned for us. He did try to do better. Maybe that is the part that I need to focus on. That he did plan something, he was not forgetting me. And I sure as hell will never get a box of whoppers for a birthday gift again.

tushnurse posted 4/21/2020 13:18 PM

First let me say I am sorry that this shitstorm we are all living in right now has ruined what was going to be an amazing day for you. I'm sorry for anyone who has a birthday right now.

I get it, you know why? My birthday has been ruined for many years by a major historical event (9/11). So what it's just a damned day on the calendar. You get to hopefully still do your weekend/concert in the near future. That's way better than it just being cancelled - which is what we ended up doing w/ our summer vacation plans. We just cancelled the whole damned thing because we don't know what the summer will bring.

I just sucks right now. At least we are all dealing w/ the suck together and can sympathize.

What should you do? Take that day and make it special for you. What do you enjoy doing by yourself? For me that day would look like this.

Sleeping in, drinking coffee outside on the porch with the dogs, watching the world wake up. Then maybe a bit of time in the flower beds, followed by a super hot steamy bath with a good book, then maybe a nap. Then maybe soaking up some sun, it it's nice out, and more reading. Possibly a cocktail or two while I chat w/ a few friends on the phone. Then when H gets home sit on my ass while I watch him do all the work to my dinner something special.

My point is this, we can still have an amazing time even when we are all alone, in fact with teens in the house it was something I really looked forward to.

WilliamM posted 4/21/2020 14:34 PM

He could order from Amazon and they will deliver to the front door. He could call to see if they will deliver. Some gives through Amazon can be there the next day. He could also order dinner for you through Uber Eats, Favor, or Grubhub from restaurants that are in your area. He might now know about these aps. I learned about them from my wife.

dancin-gal posted 4/21/2020 14:44 PM

Please focus on the positive.. 18 years ago my WS spent my birthday with the OW .. bought her a car .. that year he also took her to Europe on our anniversary.. for him it was a business trip ... offered to go with him ☹️But he said I would be lonely since he would be busy all day .. yup ..
last may he took me to a beautiful resort for my birthday .. I found out day after Our anniversary last April that his affair never ended 🤯🤮he gets points for trying to make it up to me .. my WS is working hard to make me the focus of his life .
This year for our anniversary we ordered take out . And shared a great bottle of wine .

AnnieMae posted 4/27/2020 06:43 AM

I survived the dreaded birthday on lock down weekend! And it was awesome. My fWH went above to make sure I had a good weekend. It started on Friday night when he came home from work with a dozen red roses. Since they could not be delivered he bought from the grocery store but they are beautiful. Then Saturday he went hunting in the morning but had a card on the table with the print out of the Coach wallet he ordered for me that matched my purse. My boys bought me breakfast too! Then he was home by 10am. We finished our chicken coop then about 12 he told me to get cleaned up and he arranged from some friends of ours to come over for a pizza picnic outside. That evening we went for a BBQ at another friends house. Sunday we went for a hike and finally got chickens. He listened to me and made sure I was acknowledged. He spent all but a few hours by my side. And to top it off on the way to the BBQ he said I know I screwed up so bad last year, but never again. I am yours. No pity party needed. I survived a weekend I dreaded and it was amazing.

tushnurse posted 4/27/2020 07:52 AM


Glad you had a great weekend.
Congrats on the birds. You will love them if you have never had them before. I currently have 20. I have a mixed flock, and they provide me lots of entertainment, and breakfast so you can't be that.

Don't think because they are small they aren't smart, or have lots of personality, they are and do. Oh they will eat just about anything, so most any leftovers you have can go to them, there are only a few things you can't give them.

Stevesn posted 4/27/2020 08:17 AM

Now THATS how you do it. Thatís how a WS should be acting. Those are the ACTIONS we talk about.

Even in a pandemic he got it done. It is possible.

Iím sure he has a long way to go in rebuilding but this was at least one step forward.

Iím very happy for you.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 4/27/2020 19:14 PM

Awe he did good. Iím happy for you.

StillLivin posted 4/29/2020 01:03 AM

Yeah it sucks. My 50th fell on Easter Sunday. I spent the day doing tons of homework and went to bed exhausted. Sooo, I've decided I'm going to go big next year and celebrate 50 and 51! Or I might just celebrate it as soon as it's safe to do so. I have $50 fandango gift card for the movies, and another gift card for a manipedi. So we'll see what the future holds.
I did make myself 2 very delicious margaritas right before I went to bed, though.

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