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Shivan (original poster member #61982) posted at 4:50 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
I read here regularly, but haven't posted in a long time. I could use some advice.
My divorce was final 2 years ago, and my ex now lives out of state with his AP. He contacts me on an irregular basis, and I have never responded. In February he mailed a card to my work (with no return address), and this weekend he responded (randomly) to a long dormant message on Instagram which then pinged me.
I have blocked his number, blocked his email, and blocked him on social media. I have never responded to the half dozen+ breadcrumbs he has sent my way. I hate hearing from him. Should I continue to ignore or respond to tell him to stop?
Me: BW (44 y.o.)
Him: WH (49 y.o.)
Married 3/09
no kids
D-day: 12/18/17
Divorced: 04/30/18
RedGlass ( member #74015) posted at 4:56 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
Unless you feel harassed or threatened in some way, I'd let sleeping exes lie.
If you're feeling the need to close the door firmly and he's not getting the hint, perhaps a registered cease and desist letter from your lawyer would help.
That way, you don't become personally involved. He's trying to hook you back in, IMO. Make it clear it isn't going to work.
She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.
Evertrying ( member #60644) posted at 4:57 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
What a jerk. Why is STILL bothering you????? He got his "dream girl",,, 
You are divorced and have no kids. There is NO reason for him to be contacting you. I am sure you will get various bits of advice, but this is a tough one. I would be tempted to tell him to piss off and never contact you again, but he should already know that as you have blocked him.
Silence is golden and maybe you should stay the course unless he starts acting like a stalker.
I can't believe the balls he has after two years and living with his AP. If he doesn't stop, maybe you should keep the evidence and contact his AP with it. 
BS - 55 on dday
WH - 48 on dday
Dday: 9/1/17
Status: Reconciled
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:33 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
What a moron. I guess he thinks you are still friends or that you care.
I would not respond.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Okokok ( member #56594) posted at 5:37 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
What types of things is he saying in these messages?
I agree with all other posters.
Erstwhile BH and BBF. Always healing.
Divorced dad with little kids.
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 5:38 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
I agree he is a jerk. Do not reply.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 6:04 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
If I were you, I would simply ignore. Don't take the time or air to respond or deal with it all. He's most likely trying to assuage a guilty conscience by getting some sort of decent response from you. If you do, he will feel somewhat justified that you're now ok with it all.
Ghost his ass.
ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...
oldtruck ( member #62540) posted at 6:28 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
do not reply and continue to block all methods of him trying
to contact you.
EmbraceTheChange ( member #43247) posted at 6:41 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
You could take a screenshot of the Instagram post and his card and email them to the OW and tell her that xWH needs to stop trying to contact you.
I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination
Okokok ( member #56594) posted at 7:14 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
You could take a screenshot of the Instagram post and his card and email them to the OW and tell her that xWH needs to stop trying to contact you.
Honestly as an English teacher I just appreciate the irony of this option.
Erstwhile BH and BBF. Always healing.
Divorced dad with little kids.
Shivan (original poster member #61982) posted at 8:12 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
You could take a screenshot of the Instagram post and his card and email them to the OW and tell her that xWH needs to stop trying to contact you.
Honestly as an English teacher I just appreciate the irony of this option.
Lol—yes, this crossed my mind, especially when I received the card at work.
These little contacts are fairly benign, but enraging. I don't want him to have any space in my head and have given him absolutely no encouragement.
Me: BW (44 y.o.)
Him: WH (49 y.o.)
Married 3/09
no kids
D-day: 12/18/17
Divorced: 04/30/18
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:16 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
Nope.
Crickets. Just give crickets.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:48 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
...Or ask your lawyer to send him a letter telling him to stop. That way you may stop the messages, and you maintain NC.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 12:22 AM on Tuesday, April 28th, 2020
Simply treat the random letters/messages from him as "junk mail" and keep ignoring them.
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 1:11 AM on Tuesday, April 28th, 2020
The bloom is off the rose. Reality has set in. It’s amazing what time does to these “perfect” romances. I’m guessing he is fishing around to see who bites. Just throw, delete, discard, just like you were.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
ibonnie ( member #62673) posted at 2:11 AM on Tuesday, April 28th, 2020
I like the idea of contacting the OW, CCing you XWH and stating that you do not appreciate the sporadic attempts to communicate, please ask her current H/your XWH to please stop, or you will be pursing legal options to get him to do so.
"I will survive, hey, hey!"
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