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Shivan posted 4/27/2020 10:50 AM

I read here regularly, but haven't posted in a long time. I could use some advice.

My divorce was final 2 years ago, and my ex now lives out of state with his AP. He contacts me on an irregular basis, and I have never responded. In February he mailed a card to my work (with no return address), and this weekend he responded (randomly) to a long dormant message on Instagram which then pinged me.

I have blocked his number, blocked his email, and blocked him on social media. I have never responded to the half dozen+ breadcrumbs he has sent my way. I hate hearing from him. Should I continue to ignore or respond to tell him to stop?

RedGlass posted 4/27/2020 10:56 AM

Unless you feel harassed or threatened in some way, I'd let sleeping exes lie.

If you're feeling the need to close the door firmly and he's not getting the hint, perhaps a registered cease and desist letter from your lawyer would help.

That way, you don't become personally involved. He's trying to hook you back in, IMO. Make it clear it isn't going to work.

Evertrying posted 4/27/2020 10:57 AM

What a jerk. Why is STILL bothering you????? He got his "dream girl",,,

You are divorced and have no kids. There is NO reason for him to be contacting you. I am sure you will get various bits of advice, but this is a tough one. I would be tempted to tell him to piss off and never contact you again, but he should already know that as you have blocked him.
Silence is golden and maybe you should stay the course unless he starts acting like a stalker.
I can't believe the balls he has after two years and living with his AP. If he doesn't stop, maybe you should keep the evidence and contact his AP with it.

The1stWife posted 4/27/2020 11:33 AM

What a moron. I guess he thinks you are still friends or that you care.

I would not respond.

Okokok posted 4/27/2020 11:37 AM

What types of things is he saying in these messages?

I agree with all other posters.

fareast posted 4/27/2020 11:38 AM

I agree he is a jerk. Do not reply.

thatbpguy posted 4/27/2020 12:04 PM

If I were you, I would simply ignore. Don't take the time or air to respond or deal with it all. He's most likely trying to assuage a guilty conscience by getting some sort of decent response from you. If you do, he will feel somewhat justified that you're now ok with it all.

Ghost his ass.

oldtruck posted 4/27/2020 12:28 PM

do not reply and continue to block all methods of him trying
to contact you.

EmbraceTheChange posted 4/27/2020 12:41 PM

You could take a screenshot of the Instagram post and his card and email them to the OW and tell her that xWH needs to stop trying to contact you.

Okokok posted 4/27/2020 13:14 PM

You could take a screenshot of the Instagram post and his card and email them to the OW and tell her that xWH needs to stop trying to contact you.

Honestly as an English teacher I just appreciate the irony of this option.

Shivan posted 4/27/2020 14:12 PM

You could take a screenshot of the Instagram post and his card and email them to the OW and tell her that xWH needs to stop trying to contact you.

Honestly as an English teacher I just appreciate the irony of this option.

Lol—yes, this crossed my mind, especially when I received the card at work.

These little contacts are fairly benign, but enraging. I don't want him to have any space in my head and have given him absolutely no encouragement.

Chaos posted 4/27/2020 14:16 PM

Nope.

Crickets. Just give crickets.

sisoon posted 4/27/2020 16:48 PM

...Or ask your lawyer to send him a letter telling him to stop. That way you may stop the messages, and you maintain NC.

Buster123 posted 4/27/2020 18:22 PM

Simply treat the random letters/messages from him as "junk mail" and keep ignoring them.

Cooley2here posted 4/27/2020 19:11 PM

The bloom is off the rose. Reality has set in. It’s amazing what time does to these “perfect” romances. I’m guessing he is fishing around to see who bites. Just throw, delete, discard, just like you were.

ibonnie posted 4/27/2020 20:11 PM

I like the idea of contacting the OW, CCing you XWH and stating that you do not appreciate the sporadic attempts to communicate, please ask her current H/your XWH to please stop, or you will be pursing legal options to get him to do so.