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Dipping my toe in

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Ichthus posted 5/28/2020 07:42 AM

Stop trying to help fix him. Stop trying to wake him up from his fantasy. Stop talking to him.

sorry for this, but shut up and get your divorce ASAP!!! You dont want him to wake up and start fighting you in the divorce.

Wait til the divorce is final, then you can tell him to get his head out of his ass!!

Hurtingnconfused posted 5/28/2020 13:40 PM

Too late. Already told him what I thought about him raising a baby. We went to our friends house last night so my DD21 could say hi n have dinner. Went inside w the wife and husband stayed outside w him. I’ve Known him longer than WH but his wife has known WH and the other person since 6th grade.

Long and short of the evening-after it was over, WH and I had a two hours conversation like we’ve never had before. He took his part in it and also called me on my stuff in a way that was not accusatory or mean, just facts. He’s never done that before. He also told me what he was doing in a very matter of fact way, again something he’s never done before. That shocked me, He’s always hidden his intents if he’s doing something he thinks I won’t like. He flat out told me that he is spending the day w her next week, as a friend, but that he has no intention of starting a new family over. Went into detail on what his plans were, what he is doing going forth, and that we need to file because we both have issues., mine being trust and acknowledgment of his part in that, He acknowledges he still has childhood issues to deal with and how he communicates. So yes a divorce and I can finalize anytime . Did not fight me on anything on the paperwork. Seemed rational and straightforward like I’ve never seen before. Honest and no hiding like I’ve seen before, Like night and day. Still moving forward and still a divorce it we may arrive out of it without battle wounds as much. Flat out asked him if he was involved with her emotionally as did my male friend. Both of us believe that he is self centered but for this case, not involved.

nekonamida posted 5/28/2020 14:41 PM

Hurting, why in the world would you believe him about her just being a friend? Especially when this is EXACTLY how is first A went? He convinced you back then until you discovered the truth. Of course he got better at convincing you this time. He's had practice. His situation is what the book "Not Just Friends" was written on and you should absolutely pick up a copy to read since you're buying into it. Just because he isn't having sex with her yet doesn't mean this suddenly isn't an EA.

Friends do not leave their marriages for each other. Friends do not put each other above their spouses. Friends don't even move states away to be together. He can talk about how platonic it is all he wants but his ACTIONS are not that of a friend. They are actions of a whole lot more than a friend. If she's just a friend, he would have dropped her in order to stay married to you because platonic friendship for as long as theirs has been for isn't as deep as a long term marriage is. But according to him, this friendship is worth more to him than your long standing romantic relationship.

Don't be surprised when he introduces her as his girlfriend in a few months.

Hurtingnconfused posted 5/28/2020 18:45 PM

We’re divorcing so if he does, shame on him. Think he’s too self centered to go there, AND he has no assets so not sure she’d give up the rich guy for him. At this point, don’t care, at least not today. Found out from my DD20, everyone in my family hates WH but will tolerate him for me.

Moving stuff to my dads so the handyman can fix everything. Not sure if we’re selling right away or building more equity. Our long term renter for our little apartment got with a lady with 2 kids and they asked to rent our house- then buy it in 2 years. It would open up the basement apartment for his DS18. Not sure how I feel about being tied to him for 2 years but the renter has been solid for two years. It would clear 400 monthly.

Have to say I’m looking forward to tiny house living and no one I have to think about. Rolling from extreme euphoria to crying like my world is ending. Assuming this is normal, especially if they act like they’re excited to be moving on too

Hurtingnconfused posted 5/31/2020 23:37 PM

I thought I was ready. I thought I was ok. WH Asked if I’d stay in the house because “it’s bigger” than the camper. Oh yah, the pets (his) can stay too cuz they can’t go to his brothers. Oh and he’d like it if we just rent our house to our long term basement renters so his son can rent the basement. “It’ll pay the mortgage” and build on our credit. Revisit it in 2 years. This after a realtor came thu.

Said he was going to go and “read a book” but in reality went to his brothers to get a key. Then got online to say”with everything going on in the world, it’s a terrible time to be a bachelor, lol”. We haven’t even filed yet!!!! Was waiting for my DD to go back home

Sooooooo. Angry right now! I think he’s an insensitive calloused jerk! Once again my life is put into turmoil while he happily skips thru the tulips! On the plus side, gutted my closet because I was so angry. 85% is just gone.... and I don’t need it. Guess I needed that kick in the teeth to get me moving

I know for a fact they’re not getting together. She must have figured out that he’s a basic low paying delivery driver. Keeps bringing that up over and over, Nothing about the fact I have been encouraging him for years to go anything better.... benefits or retirement or better wages. Nope, he was happy cuz he could drive around all day and go nothing. Now, it’s he wants to be a nurse. Couldn’t pick up a book to save our marriage and now he wants to be in her carrier field??? Not that I haven’t mentioned that years ago! My MOM mentioned that years ago,,,, Of course he’d have to give up the drinking and the drugs and his personal time to actually study, he flunked out of college once. He won’t do better this time. Why did I think I should get w a man that I KNEW his track record!

Now I’m hearing the “I’m sorry” “we will both be better off” “I still love you but for the first time in my life I’m putting me first”. “Let me hold you while we sleep”. Nothing about that is ok. He torpedoed my life not once but twice on a thoughtless whim. And the FIRST time he put himself first? Please!! Pointed that out to him. He said she was a mistake. Yah, like the affairs you had on your first wife??

Signed up for Divorcecare. Too angry to see straight. It starts next Wednesday for a series of weeks.

[This message edited by Hurtingnconfused at 8:25 AM, June 1st (Monday)]

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