backnforth posted 7/8/2020 18:20 PM

WH will be filing next week. This is my request so that we can get it over with, but i refuse to be the to use an alternate separation date or go to court. We cut the last bill together and he came and got a few things today. Im a wreck. I was fine and strong until i saw furniture missing. I know this is for the better. My pain of back and forth bs will be over. Im getting my resplution but it hurts. I dont know how im going to feel when i get notified of the filing. I cant wrap my head around why he wouldnt choose to work on his marriage when he argues 24/7 with OW and they are super toxic. Its crazy. I miss what we had and im sure these feeing will subside eventually...i just dont know how im supposed to get through every step. Im trying to get him to remove all belongings a week i will be out of town. & not having to go to court will help. How the f do i keep my mind off of this. How do i put myself back out there and come up with this new life? I think i plan on moving to a new house...this is not my home state and i dont have but 1 other person here but i dont want to go back home either. Id just prefer to be nowhere?! I need tips. Once he files it should only take aroubd a month....pretty simple. So simple to end what i thought was forever.

EllieKMAS posted 7/8/2020 18:35 PM

Is a mindfuck yeah? The day we filed it took 15 minutes to undo almost 9 years together. It's crazy sauce.

But you will get through it. One little step at a time. It helped me to start putting together a list of things to do. Things I COULD do now that I didn't have him in the way. Unfortunately covid hit so that list is on pause now, but once things start up again, look out!

Moving is a great idea if you can swing it. Start somewhere new and start making new memories.

Hang in there bnf, I promise once the D is done, things will start turning around.

BearlyBreathing posted 7/9/2020 08:43 AM

You get through it one step at a time. You re-arcane the furniture and add something new . You cry. You dust yourself off and remind yourself that he is not that guy anymore. And you trust in time. You will make it through and sunny days are waiting for you. (((Hugs)))

backnforth posted 7/9/2020 15:04 PM

Ooh! Didnt take long for him to start playing with my emotions! He brought OW to my house!!! I flipped out. I told him repeatedly not to and he showed up with her. First time being in her presence and i laid into her about everything. Outed him for going back and forth...does she care? Not really. She pretended to be huffy telling me We can have each other but im sure theyre doing great today. Anxiety has skyrocketed. Are these games?? So he needed an appliance he had outside late at night i suppose because of an emergency and had her come to help move it.

Katz13 posted 7/9/2020 16:25 PM

You are not alone. Going through this process too. It is hard watching him pack his stuff up and go tour new places to live but I started to focus on me. More exercising, listing places I want to visit once I don't have to waste my money on his sorry pass and generally thinking of what will be better about life. It's hard thinking about being alone after 19 years but somehow we will be ok. One hour, one day at a time.

crazyblindsided posted 7/9/2020 17:01 PM

He brought OW to my house!!!

What a complete asshat. What did he think that would accomplish? Unbelievable these WS's are!

backnforth posted 7/9/2020 21:20 PM

Katz- I focus on me for sure...it does help somewhat. It makes me feel better..ive gotten back to me (physically? Somewhat emotionally but also with new messed up emotions?!)..i was not myself for way too long, even prior to all this happening. The "WH having an affair diet" helped me lose 50 lbs. Im somewhat of an introvert but it is lonely. I almost get tired of focusing on myself..or looking for something else to focus on besides the crap life has handed me over the last 10 months. Some moments feel impossible but i try to think of the weight that will be lifted when theres a sense of closure. I dont want D, but i dont wanna live like this forever!

Crazy- Im not really sure!! Now what i will say is that i never allowed her out of that vehicle and he knew i wasn't having it because they were screaming at each other in the car, in my driveway, i assume telling her not to get out?! Im sure he loved seeing me go bezerk though. I am never that way but that is one button i told him not to touch. He even left for about 10 minutes after getting so angry over everything and came back to try to get me to let her help. Needless to say, he did not leave with what he came for because he couldn't do it himself and OW was not allowed to help him

Boost of confidence for me....she is nothing like her social media pictures. Not what i kept envisioning based off of filters and good angles.

[This message edited by backnforth at 9:22 PM, July 9th (Thursday)]

OwningItNow posted 7/9/2020 23:49 PM

He really has no respect for you at all. I am so glad you are getting away from him. He's toxic and doesn't care who he hurts.

Are his kids living with him in all this drama? Dear god.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 11:52 PM, July 9th (Thursday)]

backnforth posted 7/10/2020 13:42 PM

Owning it-He has 50/50...a week on, a week off. With him living with OW, they still go there but not when he works. The oldest refuses half of the time to go. The others seem to be alright but none of them have rooms. OW literally just got this house from her own D a few months ago. So basically hes seeing them less and dont even have their own space or even a space to share. I feel so bad. They went to all of that after consistent visiting and each having their own rooms, 1 of their 2 homes...to this.

Did I ever mention OW had just D her very own WH just prior to sinking her teeth into mine. Shes so insecure. I found out she clocks how long he takes to even go to the store and hawks his phone apparently. They fight constantly, including all day at work!! Im just going to sit back with popcorn.

Cooley2here posted 7/10/2020 19:14 PM

If your husband is addicted to chaos then she meets his needs. They both sound like they are about 14 years old. You don’t need that in your life.

OwningItNow posted 7/11/2020 00:09 AM

With him living with OW, they still go there but not when he works. The oldest refuses half of the time to go. The others seem to be alright but none of them have rooms. OW literally just got this house from her own D a few months ago. So basically hes seeing them less and dont even have their own space or even a space to share.

How many kids does he have that are being forced to live this way? My heart breaks.

I feel so bad.

That this is their father!
What a terrible father. I hope you are glad to have him in your rearview mirror. Those poor kids.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 12:09 AM, July 11th (Saturday)]

backnforth posted 7/12/2020 09:44 AM

Cooley-That's what I'm starting to think...he likes the drama or something. I definitely cant see why one would wanna live like that.

Owningit-Theres 3. Its a conflicting feeling. I still have the love, surprisingly. But I'm also very ready to follow my new path because i have to. He didnt want his family, he wanted me to stay plan b. Im scared. And really very alone here but im going to figure it out.

In a brighter note, i went out for the 1st time this weekend! It was fun. Of course OW started to txt me fishing for info or me ratting WH out. I tried to ignore but she set me off by saying 'she was blindsided'. Hm. Im not sure whu she seems to think i give a flying f about her feelings ever. She tried saying WH already went and filed so i asked him and he didnt respond unil the next morning. He told me it was time to move on. Lmao but wait, ive been stuck like this because of him!!!!! He gave me the date of when he was getting things and said he was filing thursday. Also lied and said he hadnt had a day off yet, thats why he didnt file but he called outta work the day after the drama?! I told him that i hope he is making the best decision for himself and that he was blind to her and her antics and something abiut her having issues. He stopped replying and OW started contacting me again saying to stop talking about her, i dont know her. Made sure i sent her the screenshot she wanted for proof and told her that would give them something to continue arguing about, like usual. She must have mentions 3 times i dont know her or her life. Lol i told her i know plenty. Then WH had the nerv to txt me saying to stop txting with her. Hahaha. Um hello sir, she is reach out to me! I said inwouod love if she stopped qnd called her a psycho.
I also found out they argued the whole day after and even at work
I really shouldnt engage but im so f'ing tired of being walked over. Ok, now back to being the bigger person.

LadyG posted 7/12/2020 17:02 PM

I so wish my WH would at very least lodge D paperwork now.

We had a financial settlement drafted in February but I was still doing DISCOVERY! Found some more hidden money.

I desperately need to get this settled before WH squanders any more on himself and another skank.

I am fighting him damn hard for the sake of our children.

Narcissistic WH would rather flush everything down the sewer than to see an equal fair division of assets. Good luck!

If WH ever bought exAP to family home, I would have given the parasites a good spray with cockroach killer

backnforth posted 7/13/2020 18:06 PM

Lady- Believe me, I was livid. The ordeal had me out of character but I will say I got to say most of what I wanted...left her mostly quiet and she sure didnt do what she was coming to do. Success in my eyes. I stood my ground! I am thankful our D will not be any hassle. He will file, i plan on not responding...30 days later he sets a date, go to court and its all said and done with. Hopefully he doesn't take anything he's not supposed to when he gathers the rest of his belongings. I'm sorry you have to go through bs like that. That sounds really rough! But, you deserve what's rightfully yours, so keep fighting!!

Im dreading the text on Thursday. Im actually kinda surprised we got here. I thought for sure the whole time we'd get brought back together and he'd wake up and it didnt happen. I'm staying mostly positive. I know it will be hard the filing day, moving day, and the day of the D being final. Im trying to not think about it and have been trying to make different plans to occupy me for the upcoming weeks!