SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have a massive dilemma.

I want to push WH to complete divorce proceedings Now!

Police want to charge him with an unlawful assault on me. I hope to be divorced before he faces this charge and the matter goes before a judge for sentencing. I have a 12 month court ordered AVO against him. So he cannot contact me without being immediately arrested and jailed.

My lawyer was dealing with his lawyer on the Divorce issue.

Last time we were trying to negotiate Divorce and financial settlements he turned very nasty. Hiding, stealing money and refusing to work to earn any income. Pushing for a better deal for himself to ensure he gets more and is looked after by me.

Under the current circumstances I expect that he will become even nastier. He is financially dependent on me as he still works in my business, just different offices. I pay him well so he can continue to pay his share of mortgage and live well.

My lawyer wants me to get financial settlement completed before anything else so if he goes to jail, I won’t have to deal with him when he gets out. It sounds callous, I know but I never want to see him again or deal with him after jail. I promised that he will be well looked after in the settlement. When he gets out of jail he will have enough in the bank to look after himself.

I want to use his jail time to set myself up very far from here and disappear from his life for good.

My lawyer wants me to hold Police off until we are done. Even my children want to see him pay for his crimes, just once. He has 2 prior convictions but avoided jail time. A 3rd conviction, he is done.

Can you have the lawyers get this done ASAP?

Bribe him or offer him some financial incentive to complete it now. Like an extra few thousand cash to sign off by “x” date. Or give him more equity share of the time. Or offer some asset to get him to agree to sign all the documents.

See if he will go for that. Thus way he feels like he has “won”.

My friend just divorced her abusive serial cheating H. She paid him $250,000 to sign the D papers. She just needed to make him go away. She needed to end the D process that was years long.

That is a dilemma. I would imagine that a WS facing criminal charges for assault on BS would effectively be barred from any kind of spousal support, even if BS made more money. I would also think that this would be a reason for termination by his employer (you?). Can he be fired once the D is finalized?

What is your lawyer suggesting and what are you willing/able to afford? Why are you counting on him to pay part of the mortgage on your home? Is there a reason you don't want to sell it? If you are trying to cut him out of your life completely, I would think the sooner the better. Or is there a benefit to you to wait until the D is finalized to sell?

Have you asked your lawyer what a court case for D would potentially look like if he was in jail? It's hard to imagine that a judge would rule in his favor if he did not show up due to being incarcerated for assaulting you. If possible, perhaps you and your lawyer should sit down and go through each scenario, pros and cons, risks, and figure out which looks like the best option even if there's a gamble involved. That can include what you could offer him to get it done and over with sooner.

Why are you counting on him to pay part of the mortgage on your home? Is there a reason you don't want to sell it? If you are trying to cut him out of your life completely, I would think the sooner the better. Or is there a benefit to you to wait until the D is finalized to sell?

Would his incarceration give you the ability to sell without his signature? Something to think about.

I'd ask your lawyer to outline in detail each scenario.

Does your lawyer want to push bc he expects the case to go to trial on the divorce?

how long of a jail sentence would your WH be looking at?

For some reason I thought you were not in the US. Here (at least in my neck of the woods), it can take 12-18 months to get a contested D trial setting (and now, probably longer due to covid). And there aren't many tactics available for one side to force the other side to settle.

I guess I don't understand the dilemma. Is it that if you push for D now, he will demand/get more $$$.

Yes, maybe offer slightly better terms to get the D done if that is your priority. Than, go after his ass so that he doesn't get to spend the money for a while and pay for his crimes.

Check with your lawyer to see if the assault negates spousal support.

If you're paying him so he can pay the mortgage you're essentially paying the mortgage on your own anyway. Time to get rid of the middleman.

It's time this man had responsibility for earning his own living.

Thank you for your advice.

We do have substantial property assets, jointly and individually. We also hold a 50% stake in his mother’s house which needs to be considered. Happy to sign over My share to her Grandchildren to give her peace of mind.

He currently lives in our family home and I live in my own apartment. He has previously agreed to split the family home 50/50 with me and relinquish any claim over my apartment and another 2 properties so long as I continue to pay the mortgage over these and sign a deal that our 3 children will be sole beneficiaries of these assets. It’s complicated as there’s another property owned by my business. Should I sell the business, I have agreed that he will be entitled to a 50/50 split from the proceeds of this sale.

Even under the current circumstances he is unemployable. I am not in the US, but should any future employer do a Criminal background check on him, he is almost certain to not find an employer who would take a risk on him. My business has been running 25+ years and it’s the only steady work he’s ever had. He is heading towards 60 and wants enough to retire on.

I am willing to take on the debts to ensure my children benefit from my hard work. I know him too well and he is more than likely to squander his share of cash assets. He is petty, I own the Porsche he drives and expects that I give him that car. I am ok with this. He can keep the car.

I will contact my Lawyer Monday to get this moving fast. What I have in my favour is his own Lawyer is unaware of the Criminal convictions, so hasn’t pushed for spousal support. I need a water tight life long binding agreement that he cannot contest any time in the future.