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How does it get easier?

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Booyah posted 9/1/2020 21:00 PM

Just need to trust the process and keep the faith that with time the pain gets less and less.

It also starts with a decision.

You can choose to be positive and happy just as easy as choosing doom and gloom.

takethelongview posted 9/2/2020 10:56 AM

You asked "how does it get easier?"

In my case, it does not get easier, I just manage it better.

It's a cocktail of time passing, you getting involved in things that take up that time, and little emotional steps that let you forgive your spouse, and yourself, for whatever happened.

As a BS, I wanted to vomit every time someone said something good would come of this, you have a great life ahead of you, etc...all the things people mean well with. I was not ready to hear those things yet, and you may not be either.

I will try to give you this: these experiences give us the tools to be of service to someone else in need, in some way that we would not have been, had we not been through this. I know things today I don't want to know, never wanted to know, and wish I didn't know - but I do, and I have tried to help others with those things.

I hesitate to call that a good thing, as if being devastated by infidelity is worth helping someone else in need - but that was how it became more manageable, or if you want to think of it that way, easier.

Someone else said to change your username. My suggestion is to change it when you have forgiven yourself enough to change it, whenever that may be. That day will come, and is likely to arrive when you were there for someone else when it counted.

I hope this helps.

Westway posted 9/2/2020 12:47 PM

Time. Time is the only thing that makes it better. That's what I keep telling myself.

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2020 22:18 PM

It's hard.

Even with work starting again, he's always on my mind. The life we had and should have had is always on my mind.

Two days before school started again,I had a breakdown. I had to go in my car during a lunch out with coworkers. I started crying and couldn't stop.

I scroll through Instagram and see complete strangers "love story" type videos/pics and just feel this enormous sadness.

I'm envious of everyone who has someone.

takethelongview posted 9/15/2020 09:46 AM

I get it. The moments that sadness overcome you are going to happen.

At one point I had to start living 10 minutes at a time. I would get so paralyzed that I could barely function. So I set my running watch to ten minutes, and said all I have to do is survive the next ten minutes. That's it. Just survive the next ten minutes. Sometimes I'd watch the watch-timer count down, other times I would distract myself till the timer went off. Sometimes I set it again, other times a single 10 minutes was enough.

I have not set the timer in months, but now and then I remind myself to live 10 minutes at a time. It's actually liberating in some ways, because you don't have to make commitments to anyone or anything. One time someone asked me if I wanted to do something that was days away. In my then-state of mind, how the hell would I know?

So I responded "I don't know, that's more than 10 minutes from now." When she asked when I'd give her an answer, I told her "ask me again in 10 minutes." She laughed, but at least I was honest.

You may be too young to have "Put one foot in front of the other" etched into your memory, but it is also a good mantra, and a nice song.

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