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Does it Matter if a Woman Makes more Money

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FannyandCat posted 9/25/2020 08:07 AM

I'm curious about current thoughts on this age-old topic.

Do you think a man still cares if he makes less money than his partner? Does a boyfriend/fiance/husband feel emasculated if his girlfriend/fiance/wife is the breadwinner?

Would a man date a woman with a higher salary than him? Is there anything a woman can do to alleviate his feelings of inadequacy for not being the "provider"?

Interested about how this relationship dynamic works or doesn't work.

J707 posted 9/25/2020 08:47 AM

When I was married I made more money than my exww. Up until the last 2 years or so. Then she switched jobs a few times and was making more than me. I didn't care because it was mutual money for our household. I took no offense.

Once I start dating it won't matter to me if a woman makes more money. It won't matter if they make less. Money doesn't mean much to me.

EvenKeel posted 9/25/2020 08:49 AM

I have always made more than my partners.

Is there anything a woman can do to alleviate his feelings of inadequacy for not being the "provider"?
No. This is on them. Don't ever feel bad or apologize for what you worked hard to achieve.

There are a lot of men that are drawn to independent, strong partners.

Bigger posted 9/25/2020 09:41 AM

I have made more money than my wife for most of our marriage.
Not that it matters. We combine our income and do not see it as my money and her money. Itís OUR money.
I have never grumbled when she buys cosmetics or shoes or clothes because we are both financially responsible and spend within our means. Just like she doesnít grumble when I get a new fly-line or rod. Itís OUR money and we spend it in a jointly acceptable way.

About 5 years ago my wife changed jobs and now she usually brings in up to 20% more than me. I donít see it as a threat or competition. I simply see our joint funds increase by 10-15%.

twicefooled posted 9/25/2020 09:47 AM

Since my divorce, I've doubled my income through continuing my education and moving up the ladder at work.

I have dated men that make way more than me, and I've dated men that make way less than me. At my point in life, I want a partner that is self-sufficient, since that was lacking in my ex-husband. I personally don't care how much they make as long as I'm not lending money and we can each pitch in for our dates.

However, I've had the worst luck with men that make less than me: a few have asked to borrow money (fuck that, no) and the last guy I dated couldn't deal with the fact that I made more money than him (no idea why).

wildbananas posted 9/25/2020 10:04 AM

I had an SO years ago and it was a big deal for him. When I got a promotion and raise at work where I was making more than him, he congratulated me... but made sure I knew from that point forward what a great guy he was for that instead of being snarky, because he could have been (his words, not mine). Like... why would I expect a partner to not be supportive with that? It blew my mind. rolleyes

My SO now, he makes more than I do, but I don't think he'd care in the least if I made more than he did. And if we ever decided to live together, it wouldn't matter. Outside of a joint account we'd contribute to to pay bills, we'd keep our money separate.

tushnurse posted 9/25/2020 10:07 AM

For the first 20 years of our M we bounced back and forth on who made more.
He now makes a lot more than I do, and that's ok. He was fine w/ me making more, and always being gainfully employed.
Now that we are almost done paying for kids stuff and so forth, I am hoping in the next 2 years to drop back to part time work, or even 4 days per week, due to my ongoing health issues.

barcher144 posted 9/25/2020 10:14 AM

I have always made more than any woman that I was with... not that that distinction matters to me.

In my current relationship, unless I get a reasonable ruling from the court, I won't be able to meet my basic expenses and I will likely need to lean on my girlfriend for financial support. That hurts my ego more than a little.

I wouldn't care if she made more than me as long as I can contribute a legitimate amount that is sufficient to meet my "needs" and a few of my "wants"

Gottagetthrough posted 9/25/2020 10:15 AM

My mom made more than my dad . He never cared. They were born in the 30s and she made more than him in the 60s....

He did come close to her salary however. That might make a difference.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:17 AM, September 25th (Friday)]

FannyandCat posted 9/25/2020 10:55 AM

From a male perspective I'm curious if it's a blow to their ego or if they feel like if the woman makes more than them they're "controlled" - or something like that.

Personally I'd think a man would be over the moon if the woman was self-sufficient and the amount of money one makes shouldn't matter. But then again I'm a woman and don't know how it feels as a man.

sisoon posted 9/25/2020 11:27 AM

Not a problem for me.

Part of my plan for D included hooking up with a woman who was better off than I was.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:28 AM, September 25th (Friday)]

Phoenix1 posted 9/27/2020 17:17 PM

Ex and I bounced back and forth as well, but I was the consistently gainfully employed breadwinner that also carried the family insurance. He never cared when I made more in spite of him being a definite misogynist. Instead, he simply looked at it as more money for him to squander.

If anyone has a problem with who makes more or less, that's their problem to solve. I don't have the time or patience for that nonsense. In the dating world, I just want them to be self-sufficient and a partner, not a financial leach. BTDT.

Blackheart11419 posted 9/27/2020 19:30 PM

My husband makes more then me and honestly it doesn't bother me as long as the bills get paid but starting next week I will be on Maturity leave till March because I currently drive for the amish and I really love doing it. Yes it is hard at times but they have been so kind to us that I have decided to go back in March. It shouldn't matter who makes more money then who because once you are married it becomes household money meaning it goes to bills, food, kids (if any), animals (if any) and vehicles (repairs, tags, etc). If there is any left over put it in savings for a vacation or something you both will enjoy (games, four wheeler, or date night).

isitme24 posted 9/27/2020 20:01 PM

Only if she refuses to spend it on me.

steadychevy posted 9/28/2020 17:02 PM

My XWW was a SAHM for 10 years while our children were young. I made pretty good money but never great money. When she went to work she climbed the ladder fairly quickly. She started making pretty good money and towards the time when I was going to take early retirement she started making more money than me. I was very proud of her. She did remarkable work and earned those pay increases with taking on much more responsibility and excellent performance. I thought it was great.

On the other hand she was committing adultery with someone who reported to her for the best part of her higher earning years. I suggested to her that he was a reward for her success. You know the boss and secretary (are we allowed to say secretary anymore) scenario. She forcefully disagreed but doesn't provide any plausible alternative.

I can't see why a man would be upset or unappreciative about the woman he is a relationship with making more money than him. It suggests a self esteem issue to me. Why not applaud and celebrate. How about "my wife/gf is amazing and she's killing it". That's what I was doing and then I found out about 4 years of adultery. I still think it's something to celebrate.

Lionne posted 9/28/2020 17:38 PM

Both my DILs make more money than my sons. One of them told me that her salary was an issue with some of the men she dated. My son is thrilled, although I don't think the discrepancy is much.
The other makes a lot more than my many jobbed son. He prefers to work 3 parttime jobs, often 6 days a week, to one fulltime. They plan to have him be the stay at home parent, but we all know how that can change.

It's a shame that outdated social mores are not really outdated.

My H and I made similar salaries for much of our careers. He did make substantially more for a few years but that didn't last. He had some failures in positions, I had significant prestige and reputation in my position. THAT freaked him out, he was extremely resentful to the point that I refused recognition that might intimidate him. That was my mistake.

steadychevy posted 9/28/2020 17:43 PM

Thinking about my post a little above:

It might engender a question about how a woman feels about her mate when she makes more money than him. What are her feelings about him for earning less?

FannyandCat posted 9/28/2020 19:13 PM


I donít care how much he makes as long as heís stable. I wouldnít hold my salary over his head and wouldnít let our respective bank accounts come between us.

Money shouldnít be used as a means of control and if it becomes one maybe itís indicative of bigger problems in the relationship.

Iíve always made more money than my partners and most didnít care but Iíve been told by many of my friends that men are intimidated by women with higher salaries than them.

secondtime posted 9/28/2020 22:57 PM

I bring in 75% of my family's income, my husband 25%.

This arrangement plays to our strengths and allows us to run our family as efficiently as possible.

It's only win-win. It also doesn't bother me since I don't believe that people's worth is defined by the size of their paycheck.

The only people who ever had problems with this were my parents, who believed that reproductive organs determined who should and should not be the primary caregiver.

This0is0Fine posted 9/29/2020 11:46 AM

That really just varies from person to person.

I would love it if my SO made more than me. Maybe one day she will.

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