36yearsgone posted 9/25/2020 10:06 AM

It was three-years ago today. Nineteen days earlier was D-day. Within 24 hours of confronting my wife over her affair, she was gone. She caught a flight and went to Oregon,

I can remember going through a myriad of emotions. Anger, pain, sorrow, despair; D-day was soul-crushing. I spent the next nineteen days in utter despair. One of the things I remember most is my lack of sleep during this time. I couldn’t sleep. For nineteen days sleep was almost non-existent. I didn’t eat because I couldn’t eat. My weight dropped. I had sunken eyes. I looked like a shellshocked soldier who has just returned from war. But the war had just begun.

One of my most vivid memories of that time was my desperate need to talk to someone. My wife had caused all this devastation and left without remorse or ant love and consideration for me. I needed someone to talk to, who could understand and feel my pain.

I felt completely lost, totally helpless and with no hope for the future I considered other alternatives. Then, on September 25, 2017, I found SI. I discovered I wasn’t alone. Other people had similar experiences. People from a wide variety of backgrounds listened to my story and helped me understand what I experienced. Broken people took time out of their lives, and despite their own pain, they offered me empathy, compassion and wisdom gained from the curveballs infidelity threw at them.

I am eternally grateful for this forum. SI, in my mind, is a wonderful, incredible place for those who have been destroyed by infidelity. I can honestly say that if September 25, 2017 had not happened, if I had not come here then, I don’t think I would be anywhere now.

I don’t say it enough, but here it is again: To the founders, administrators, guides and other staff of SI, to the members of the club no one ever wanted to join…thank you. From the bottom of my heart I sincerely thank you for helping me survive and overcome so much over the past three years. I have great respect for all. To imagine hurting people still taking time to care about other people…it blows me away.

Thank you.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 9/25/2020 10:14 AM

Thank YOU for all of your insight and compassion on telling your journey and helping others along your path to healing !!

SI is a Godsend for me too!! So MUCH advice...and ears to listen...it is what kept me SANE...although some IRL may say otherwise . I am so GRATEFUL to so many people on here who I now see as FAMILY...that picked me up...kicked me in the butt...and brought me on the path I am walking now .

Lalagirl posted 9/25/2020 10:15 AM

Hello, 36.

I am glad you found SI as well.

When I say SI saved my life, I mean that literally, so I totally understand what you're saying.

To the founders, administrators, guides and other staff of SI, to the members of the club no one ever wanted to join…thank you. From the bottom of my heart I sincerely thank you for helping me survive and overcome so much

Booyah posted 9/25/2020 10:40 AM

Man I wish back years ago I had SI.

I took swift action on DD and filed immediately to divorce my ex. That was over 25 yrs ago. I've been remarried for the past 21 yrs.

That said it would have been great to have SI and to be able to converse with people who knew exactly what I was going through!!

36, all I've ever wanted for you (and anyone else that finds themselves in this nightmare) is to get to a place of peace. It takes time to get there, and given that you've also been dealing with the loss of your son and your diminishing eyesight that's a ton of WEIGHT to be carrying my friend.

Thanks for sharing your story and your valuable wisdom.

Hope today is better for you than yesterday was!!

Will continue to pray for strength for you.

longsadstory1952 posted 9/25/2020 13:22 PM

Damn. That was a brutal read.

If you feel like it, how would you describe your way to where you are today?

I only can pick up bits and pieces but it looks like you are in some semblance of R.

thatbpguy posted 9/25/2020 14:31 PM

We all owe so much to each other. This is a special and unique place.

Catwoman posted 9/25/2020 14:39 PM

This is a special and unique place.

And I thank everyone--founders, administrators, webmaster, mods and guides--who keep it that way.

Cat

36yearsgone posted 9/25/2020 16:37 PM

If you feel like it, how would you describe your way to where you are today?

I only can pick up bits and pieces but it looks like you are in some semblance of R.

Recovering from infidelity has been a long and arduous process. In my case, the process is not completely over. ABS has many hurdles to jump over, go around or ignore. Honestly, I am still in that process though progress has been made. For me, my personal faith has been the most powerful recovery method; but, SI has also played a huge role.

As for Reconciliation...I am reconciled to the fact that my WS cheated with someone who appears to have been planning to take my life, so he could get at whatever wealth my wife and I obtained during our marriage.

I am reconciled to the fact that she cheated willingly. I am reconciled to the fact that she has been dishonest. I am reconciled to the fact that she has difficulty with being empathetic. I am reconciled to the fact that the old marriage is dead.

But I am also reconciled to the fact that I love her and have chosen to honor the commitments I made to her, despite her dishonoring her commitments to me. But she knows that my commitment will immediately dissolve if she ever cheats again.

longsadstory1952 posted 9/25/2020 17:10 PM

Thanks......

My God. Your wife was plotting to kill you?

You are a saint. A saint. Please say the om is in a max prison somewhere.

Thumos posted 9/25/2020 17:35 PM

My God, she went along with a plot to murder you? That’s not just a lack of empathy. That’s pure evil. God hates evil.

She is the woman in Proverbs who tears down her own house with her own hands.

StillLivin posted 9/25/2020 17:55 PM

Wait, did your WS know he was planning to murder you?

36yearsgone posted 9/25/2020 19:35 PM

She did not know. I dpnt believe she had any involvement at all. That doesnt excuse her idiocy for bringing that criminal into our lives.