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Stbx sending scathing texts

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crazyblindsided posted 10/25/2020 00:09 AM

He sent a bunch of angry texts blaming me for the way things ended, blaming me for ruining his birthdays, saying he's no longer to blame and that I am to blame. My PTSD can barely handle this. I broke down crying and shaking just from reading the texts. I said to leave me alone but he kept on and on with angry texts.

I wish he would leave me alone. At least I'm in my own place but it kind of shook me up tonight and don't want this keep happening.

BearlyBreathing posted 10/25/2020 00:44 AM

I am so sorry. I wish you could block him. I can imagine how disturbing this must be.
Just remember this is just him realizing actions have consequences.

Sending you peace,

99problems posted 10/25/2020 01:31 AM

You can't block him?
I blocked my stbxw. And we have a kid together.
She has to contact me via a parenting app. That works best.
No contact means no new hurts.
It's really been a godsend for me.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get better.

crazyblindsided posted 10/25/2020 14:52 PM

I decided to block him and Iím not involving him in anything anymore even with kids unless itís an emergency. He was like a psychopath last night vicious and out of control.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 2:53 PM, October 25th (Sunday)]

Justsomeguy posted 10/25/2020 15:06 PM

Document everything, including how it affected you physically and emotionally. That way, you can establish a patter of behaviour if need be. Chances are he is lashing out because there is a deep internal conflict going on and he does not have the tools to deal with it like a fully formed human being. Same shit that got him into trouble in the first place. Very childish behaviour.

99problems posted 10/25/2020 17:29 PM

I really hope this helps. There is absolutely no reason for you to be his pinching bag, you've suffered enough at his hands.

homewrecked2011 posted 10/25/2020 18:11 PM

He sent these because heís so mad that you are doing great!!! He canít handle someone (you) being happy, having a great life w/o him.

Grey rock him. And yes, no info shared unless itís an emergency.

barcher144 posted 10/25/2020 19:35 PM

I went to a co-parenting app for communication with my STBXW. You might want to think about that for your own use.

I'm sorry that he is doing this.

crazyblindsided posted 10/26/2020 13:18 PM

I have a question can they still send angry texts via the parenting app?

One thing I did by accident was send the screensheets I took of his conversation and sent it to him. OMG did that set him off.

He asked me about 10 times in 10 different angry ways who I sent the screenshots to He has no shame. I'm worried he will still do this on the parenting app. Right now I have him blocked and I have the kids this week.

He said he is so angry at me for leaving him in the position he is in

Then he went on to insult me some more saying that all I do is play games with him. There are no games this is real life consequences

And then went on to say how therapy turned me into a different person. Calling them quacks and that they haven't bothered trying to get me off my medication and how sad that was that they changed me for the worse.

Then he goes on to say this isn't the way to parent children having them go back and forth to different houses and that everyone is sad now and he is losing his relationship with the kids. Started saying our daughter was out of control now because she went to her girlfriends house until 11PM.

You cannot make this shit up. He is a wacked out psycho.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:18 PM, October 26th (Monday)]

Chaos posted 10/26/2020 13:37 PM

He sounds like he's deteriorating and escalating. That's a scary combo.

And he still blames you....

If he gets too intense, or you become fearful for any reason, a call or drop in to your local precinct may be in order.

I hope you saved the screenshots - you may need them as evidence.

crazyblindsided posted 10/26/2020 13:39 PM

I hope you saved the screenshots - you may need them as evidence.

Oh yes I have them all saved.

99problems posted 10/26/2020 15:33 PM

They can send angry messages on the parenting app.
And they'll all be saved in an easy to read file for a judge to look at.
They will take it seriously.

LadyG posted 10/26/2020 15:44 PM

This sounds so typical of the WS.

I endured so much from him until I threatened to expose him publicly. That got him.

I have a court order NC and the texts are now very cautiously worded. Strictly business only.

I still get the occasional ďI am so depressed and canít go on like this much longerĒ. I donít reply.

He doesnít deserve my kindness and compassion or support. He has an exAP he can vent to.

barcher144 posted 10/26/2020 15:56 PM

I have a question can they still send angry texts via the parenting app?

Yes, they can... but they cannot be deleted in the parenting app. They also cannot be faked... and most parenting apps are "court approved" meaning that they are, in theory, easier to enter into evidence.

That said, in my case that went to trial, no one seemed to care what tool was used for communication (conventional email, conventional text, or parenting app). STBXWW even submitted a partial email from the parenting app as evidence (i.e., she left out one of the two attachments; that attachment was crucially important). I haven't gotten a ruling yet, and it's just one judge, but you might not need to spend the money on the parenting app.

You cannot make this shit up. He is a wacked out psycho.

Sadly, this all seems oddly familiar. I'm so sorry.


Planetx posted 10/26/2020 18:05 PM

Iím so sorry youíre having to deal with this. I see in your signature your kids are a little older. Is it possible to block him until you need specific info from him about visitation? My XWH is still vile after a year living apart. Just this past weekend he was throwing some kind of fit- said I stole the kids, ruined Fatherís Day, steal his money, made fun of my looks. He even told me he was diagnosed with PTSD because I was so awful to him, lol. Being so far out, I seriously just laugh at him but it was really upsetting at first. I used to just block him until I needed to ask a question. Now I let him text me whatever, I figure itís more of his crazy to use in court later. Try an app, especially is heís threatening a harassing you. You may need the proof later if youíd like a no contact order.

RosesandThorns posted 10/26/2020 18:18 PM

Ugh. I'm really sorry you have to endure that kind of emotional abuse. Is there anyone whom you could use to communicate through, like an unofficial mediator? Someone who could screen his messages and give you just the important info? If he's dumb enough to still continue his tantrums, they would also be a witness to how he's speaking/acting.

million pieces posted 10/26/2020 19:57 PM

I had to block my ex from calling me at work. I told him he had to email or call my mom. My kids were pretty little, 6 and 8 at the time. But I just could not lose my shit at my new job.

Cooley2here posted 10/26/2020 20:04 PM

If you have not read about being a gray rock then you need to immediately. Iíll explain the best I can because it really helps when youíre dealing with a narcissist. Please understand that they want to win at any cost including your mental or physical health. Gray rocking just means that you donít ignore him you just are so boring that he canít get a handle on anything. Hereís an example. He screams at you about something you have done and your answer is that you are sorry he feels that way. You donít apologize you donít explain, you just are neutral. You donít interact with this man unless it is absolutely necessary and then you are never confrontational. What you are trying to do is stay so boring that he cannot grab hold of something and make an issue of it. Your power is in not engaging. Itís going to take you a while because you are trained to do so but your best defense is literally doing nothing. Practice. When you are driving somewhere have conversations with yourself and practice being as dull and boring and neutral as you can be.
Please also remember that narcissists can be dangerous . He is so focused on himself that if you cross him to the point that he is dangerous you need to be aware of that. Gray rocking is to try to make sure his anger stays down. Whatever you do you donít want to make him angrier. Remember that he won when he made you cry. Thatís what he wants, it feeds his ego.
Be safe.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 8:09 PM, October 26th (Monday)]

OwningItNow posted 10/26/2020 20:46 PM


It has been my experience that announcing there are screenshots and records being kept of all messages so that others can see, etc. shuts the narcissist up when they are text ranting like that. Gray Rock (emotionless, unphased) + "I don't see why you are going so crazy, but I'm taking screenshots for court/the kids to see/my family" or whatever because "this doesn't make sense" has helped me at times. Narcissists do not like to be caught at their worst and do not like documentation. It's like a vampire seeing sunlight, at least it has been for me. But I'm not sure if others have had the same experience?

These hateful rants are all too familiar. When a narcissist has a bad day, they look for someone to blame. And I imagine he's having a lot of bad days. He will always believe that you have ruined his life, Crazyblindsided, except during the moments he's love bombing and trying to get you back. There will be only two speeds. In my experience, let him know you are documenting it all, keep an electronic file where screenshots, emails, and any other info is logged and dated, and always Gray Rock when you communicate. It doesn't mean he will change his views of you over time though, only that he may get bored and find a new focus for his love bombing and hatred/blame. Stay aware. Stay safe. It's true that their loss of control can consume them to the point of acting out. I do worry for you, for anyone leaving a narcissist.

He knows where your new place is, I'm sure?

homewrecked2011 posted 10/26/2020 21:01 PM

Iím not sure if you gave attorneys, but when I was telling off xwh regularly, he called his atty who sent my atty and me a letter about stopping the harassment or we were going to court.

At other times I had to call the police on him.

We both got the message and now we stay far away from each other and never contact each other.

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