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Stbx sending scathing texts

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crazyblindsided posted 10/27/2020 11:26 AM

He knows where your new place is, I'm sure?

He knows where it is but not my apartment number and it's gated thank god.

HalfTime2017 posted 10/27/2020 12:07 PM

In most states, text can be considered a form of violence. If you really want to send a message, have an attorney send him a letter that you will go after him if he doesn't. That should send a clear message for him to cease, otherwise he will have to face penalties

barcher144 posted 10/27/2020 12:32 PM

It was suggested by previous respondents, but have you shared these messages with your attorney? I think that you should immediately.

In most states, text can be considered a form of violence.

I am certainly no lawyer, but I read a blog that focuses on first amendment issues. Basically, true threats are not protected and they can be illegal.

Your descriptions sure as hell sound like these are true threats.

(a fake threat would be, for example, in a basketball game... I am going to kick your ass up and down this court... that's slang and in the context of a basketball game, not actual violence).

crazyblindsided posted 10/27/2020 13:22 PM

I haven't shared messages with my attorney yet, but I definitely plan to. I like the idea of a letter from my attorney to cease and desist the texts that are harassment. I'm sure he would stop then, but who knows I didn't think he would still be blaming me and now he is finding more things to blame me for including accusing me of having a new love interest. I need a new love interest like I need a hole in my head

barcher144 posted 10/27/2020 14:34 PM

I'm sure he would stop then, but who knows I didn't think he would still be blaming me and now he is finding more things to blame me for including accusing me of having a new love interest.

This sounds about right.

I have about 2000 pages of emails and texts between me and STBXW (I kept it all for legal reasons) and I have re-read it all at various times as part of my divorce preparation.

One thing that I found interesting were the various accusations that she made against me from time to time that were, in hindsight, clearly projection. About a month after she and I decided to get divorced, she went off on me one night for seeing someone new. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time, but in hindsight it was completely unconnected to anything going on in my life at that time.

My guess is that he has found someone new and he is assuming that you have too. Or, he found a new target and he struck out and he's blaming you for that.

Be careful. You have said enough to have me (and others) scared for you. Don't be afraid to call the police, run away, or whatever you need to do to protect yourself. You used the phrase "hole in your head" above and I am worried that he is thinking about that literally.

Poppy704 posted 10/27/2020 14:48 PM

Part of my job is reading through the hundreds of angry texts that divorcing couples send eachother, flag the important stuff, and write up a summary for the attorney. 9/10 out of ten the client gets told ďStop engaging. No really. Stop it. Donít respond, donít give him/her a reaction. Practice self control.Ē Occasionally we send out the harassment letter. But if the client is REALLY not engaging and itís completely one sided, the letter doesnít work and itís time for a PFA or harassment charges.

Detaching is hard, but itís part of divorce. Thereís a lot of negatives to divorce. One of the positives is you really really donít have to deal with your ex anymore. Beyond that, you gotta unblock him. He has your kids part of the time, you need to be able to get legitimate emergency calls and texts. You should however mute him in whatever way your phone allows so the constant singing doesnít drive you nuts. Donít hold your breathe on the parenting app. My ex was court ordered to get it. He didnít because he didnít want to spend the money. Itíll cost me and arm and a leg to take him in for the multitude of contempt charges heís due, so I donít pursue it.

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