Unfortunately, him needing an atta-boy here tells me from my experience that he isn't destined to really get sober right now. Generally, people who are in the right mindset to get sober do so for themselves, not for accolade or notice from others
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Maybe but not necessarily. Sometimes the "higher power" becomes something more tangible to an addict in early recovery. In the beginning, my alcoholic son's higher power was the professional agency that was monitoring his sobriety. My H's higher power was our marriage and his desire to not end it. These kinds of perspective can serve to jump start recovery until there is a bit of regulation that comes back to the addicted brain.
Many addicts substitute another substance for the drug of choice, drinking copious amounts of coffee or chain smoking. One can argue that these two things still change brain chemistry but for some reason they are acceptable changes to the 12 step community.
Pot, eh. He is surely not staying sober while using this. He might be easier to deal with but he isn't doing the work to find out his inner motivations and to be able to take the steps to real recovery.
You probably are enabling him. It IS exhausting. And it's really not your job to help him or atta boy him. It's very likely that as soon as you dare mention the pot as a continuing source of the high, he'll probably accuse you of not being supportive, and say something to the effect of "why am I even trying when you don't appreciate all my efforts! I may as well get drunk!"
You would surely benefit from some support and advice from AlAnon. They can teach you how to detach with love and learn NOT to enable.
Right now, you are too exhausted to take any hard steps. I definitely get it. Instead, practice UBER self care, do some nice things for yourself, and concentrate on healing YOU.
It's so, so true. Ultimately he cannot do this to please (or get ego kibbles) from you. It just really, really has to come from him.
Living in a home with an active addict is soul crushing. I don't doubt all of you are feeling this trauma even if the kids aren't "told" about it, they know. And that dysfunction often carries into the next generation.
Get out of the addictive cycle as soon as you can, for yourself and your kids. But heal yourself first.