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STBXW has been agitating me to postpone divorce for a year until she can renew her car lease. She's afraid if she is forced to pay CS (she makes 50% more than me) that she won't be able to.

That would be a big fat NOPE from me.

She worries more about that than the fact she has seen our youngest child, 14, exactly TWICE since March 1.

How's that for a caring, concerned mom?

No, this is going forward and I care not what she thinks she can do or what she actually does. I have so much crapola on her (has not contributed a single $ to our owed income tax since 2014, I've paid it every year ($4,400 in 2019 due to a foreclosure). If she causes a problem I'm going to instruct my lawyer to shoot the moon, ask for spousal support as well as child support. Want to see someone flip a lid! LOL

So let me get this straight, your WW would rather you postpone your D even though she abandoned you and her children years ago, just so she can secure a car lease next year rather than provide appropriate and legal child support for her children. What a loser! Keep on keepin on! Don’t take your foot off of the accelerator.

What a loser! Keep on keepin on! Don’t take your foot off of the accelerator.

Go for the spousal support, regardless. F her. Think she would hold backmon going ffg or it if the roles were reversed?

I will never understand a mother that abandons her children. What a rotten woman who doesn't deserve her children

Go for the spousal support, regardless. F her. Think she would hold backmon going ffg or it if the roles were reversed

PLEASE do this. PLEASE shoot for the moon like you said.

You can always use the alimony for things for your kids. And the child support is what she owes them as a parent

Katmandude - I think you should ask for CS and SP. WHy? Its not about you. Its about a better life and what your kids deserve. They also lost out on a great life b/c your WW cheated, now they should hold her responsible for care/college and other expenses.

Please reconsider asking for CS and SP. Let me be the first one to tell you that the WWs don't think twice about asking for it. YOu shouldnt either. Get it, put the extra money you get away for your kids college expense, down payment on a car, or just a family vacay. Whatever it is, don't just let the WW get off the hook without paying her fair share, in addition to being an absent parent. Fucking shoot for the moon. Its deserved

- I think you should ask for CS and SP. WHy? Its not about you. Its about a better life and what your kids deserve. They also lost out on a great life b/c your WW cheated, now they should hold her responsible for care/college and other expenses.

You have a responsibility to your kids.

Are you afraid to make her mad or hurt her feelings?

She obviously didn’t care to much about you or the kids.

I don’t get this.

One of the problems us BS's of serial cheaters have is thinking, "After everything that they've done they wouldn't dare to do another bad thing."

Au contraire.

Our wayward spouses have "taken their foot off the brake.", so to speak.
They feel that we OWE them for having had the "decency" to even "care" about our feelings enough to lie and gaslight us.
Now that we've seen through their bullshit, there's no reason to even keep up the facade.
I recommend going for everything you can get at this point. You will earn every penny.
There will be no bottom for how low she will sink. Take it from me.

Give her a bucket of sand and a sledgehammer.

Katmandude,

If you are entitled to more support...hold her feet to the fire & go for it, don’t just shoot for the moon, go for the stars, the planets & hell go for the sun too, why shouldn’t she pay?

(I’m not normally a vindictive person but her abandonment of her kids got me seething)

I would give the clothes from my back to any of my kids,

when my kids were young I would go without food for them to have full bellies.... I just don’t get a mother who puts more importance on a damn car than providing for her kid/kids!!!

All good comments, strategies and suggestions. I am proceeding. In this case, her separation from her kids is a GOOD thing. She has caused them no end of grief and distress.

Many times it is the people you love most who are the most toxic to you. And sometimes you have to cut them out like a cancer.

We were supposed to have our first Case Mgmt Conference today but, luckily for my STBXW, my attorney had to cover a trial, so it will be postponed. I say lucky for my STBXW because she calls me last night complaining that she hasn't done the financial paperwork or the parenting course she was supposed to have done and, "could I take the course for her?"!!!! The FOUR-HOUR state-mandated course mind you. NO FREAKING WAY HONEY. I told her to do, or don't do, whatever she feels is right. I filed in August and it took until Oct. 5 to get her served. That said, she has had a month-and-half to do what she is supposed to do. Obviously, she hasn't. She's busy she says. Yeah, too busy to get her 14-year-old daughter more than once since March, too busy to fill out financial (That I tried to get her to fill out LAST Xmas so we could do the much cheaper do-it-yourself divorce they offer here. She just ignored it) Her business is work, then relaxing at home on Sat and Sun, or riding on the back of her BF's MC, or whatever else she has to do. Of course my financials were done before I filed as required and I took the parenting course the same weekend I filed, Aug. 31. The is a woman who graduated cum laude from nursing school. She isn't stupid, just deliberately obtuse. This should get interesting.

Oh, the sh*t is gonna hit the fan here, too. My lawyer just called. Because my STBXW hasn't fulfilled anything she was supposed to in terms of financials and a mandated parenting course, the case is getting defaulted, meaning it is going right to trial, no more case mgmt., no more filings. So, she'll get a subpoena within the next 30 to 40 days telling her as much. THIS should really get interesting now.

I'll get my popcorn. She sounds like a really entitled little diva. I hope it all goes your way.

I’ll bring the butter. Yes, it’s about time this spoiled “Princess” gets a smack up side the head from the legal system. I don’t care if she graduated summa cum laude from Harvard, her behavior has been horrid toward her family. Stupid is as stupid does. She’s about to find out. She has been taking advantage of your good graces and ignoring her children and her responsibilities for far too long. Just a warning. When these entitled types come up against a legal system that doesn’t give a rats ass whether she takes the time to file the forms, they tend to rage and become obstinate, stall and rage. My advise is to ignore her outbursts. Do not engage. Not your problem. Grey rock. No contact. Let her deal with your attorney. Do not get dragged into engaging with her.

Well, the court granted my motion for default since my STBXW did not think she had to answer the divorce application, fill out a financial statement or take Florida's state-mandated four-hour parenting course (which the NIGHT before the deadline she called and asked ME to do FOR her! hah). So now we have to meet Jan. 14 at explain what's what. All because she' "upset" that having to pay CS would preclude her from getting a new car next year. The poor dear. She hasn't done one thing for her daughter in nearly 5 years, and actually has seen her just twice since March. Honest-to-God.

For once a BH is getting child support, hurrah! Don't tap the brakes. Her problem, not yours. End it so her problems stop being your problems.

A subpoena duces tecum for deposition has been filed against my STBXW to get her to submit the necessary paperwork in terms of her paycheck, bank account, W-2s, pension plan and funds, retirement accounts, etc., which she had not done as of the Nov. 18 deadline and still hasn't done. She still thinks I'm going to withdraw and leave her be until after she "gets a new car lease" next year. She is just "amazing," and not in the good sense. She had two of my three children down here over last night for Xmas, along with her boyfriend's wife (YES, you read that right, her boyfriend's WIFE), and his two children, who are in the mid-20s and are spoiled beyond rotten. My 15-year-old D said she wanted to come home almost the minute she got there. My 25-year-old S would not go, refuses to speak with his mom, and would likely get into a physical confrontation with the boyfriend, so he declined to go. My 21-year-old D is not a confrontational person (that's my kid!), and just goes with the flow. She knows I understand because she bears no responsibility for this situation and the female creature who birthed her IS still her mother. I hold no animosity for her going there.

Hoping 2021 brings me the end of the 28-year nightmare and some peace before I shuffle off this planet.