SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just moved off the Just Found Out Forum into the Divorce forum. Guess things didn't go like I planned. I worked hard to reconcile but got no help and was left with no choice.

Filed today and she'll be served on Monday. It has started to get chippy here since I requested full custody. She is showing up here more to show that she is not a mom who leaves her kids. Then she leaves to go to his place once they are in bed and comes back at 4 or 5 am to be here for school. I am staying every night with them so there is no question.

Tonight was a doozy. Her OM posts on FB that they are out to dinner. Thanks for rubbing my nose in it. I defriended her and sent her a text thanking her for the classy FB post.

I guess I need to just follow NC. Only talk finances and kids, nothing else. I will work harder to commit to that. Let everything else take its course.

So now I am in a strange place again. She is running around with the new man of her dreams. I am home with kids hoping I get to start my new life someday worrying what I'll have left after the D. I didn't do anything wrong, yet I keep getting short end of the stick. Guess they always say life isn't fair.

Also last night we had to tell the kids. Heartbreaking. My youngest is still hurting today. So she goes out with the OM. I hang with my little one to help heal her. And I get cheap shot with the FB post. Not sure what I did to deserve this. I'll keep the faith and push forward. Better days ahead.

You have come a long way in a very short time. It takes many of us much longer to do what we need to do. Stay strong and know that everyone is here for you.

No, life is not fair. But I truly believe in karma. She'll learn the hard way, but for now, healing yourself and being there for your kids is your top priority.

She is a bitch of a mom for not being there for the kids. It makes me livid just thinking about her running off to OM while your children are hurting. But you are better than her. Remember that. And be proud of that.

Strength and prayers for you. I wish you the best. You may fumble through this process, you may fall at times (I certainly have!), but just keep picking yourself up. You can do it!

(((dadtryingtocope)))

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The night you tell the kids is EXCRUCIATING. Not only are you hurting and confused, then you have to be strong and comfort them while they are hurting and confused - and seeing them hurt makes you hurt more than you ever imagined possible. I had no idea that it was possible to hurt as badly as I have this last Summer.

I can say, a whopping 30 days out, that it does get better. Good job being proactive and taking back some control by filing for divorce. One of the hardest parts to this is feeling so utterly powerless. Like your life is existing despite you. No matter what happens with the divorce I think filing will be good for your healing.

Skip facebook, and keep hold of your kids. They are what's real. You are what's real.

You know what's helped my daughter's and me is spending time at a creek. Seriously, they are absorbed, we are outside, and it's us doing something in the beautiful world.

You did nothing to deserve this. None of us did.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I am working on NC myself. Sometimes I think it is a blessing that my X dumped me over the phone and will be living half the country away...

His choice to abandon and that is that.

Keep doing the best you can for the kiddos, and take care of you too!

You are exactly correct - there are better days ahead. Better days that see you holding your head high knowing that you are honorable, dependable, caring and worthy.

Good for you for taking this step. Being out of limbo is such a relief. Your path is clear. You will grieve and it will be difficult at times, but stick to the 180 and NC as much as possible. You deserve so much better. I'm a bit of a broken record because I say this a lot to a lot of people but the 180, NC and SI saved me.

Hugs to you Dad....how lucky your wee ones are to have YOU!

She is running around with the new man of her dreams. I am home with kids hoping I get to start my new life someday worrying what I'll have left after the D. I didn't do anything wrong, yet I keep getting short end of the stick. Guess they always say life isn't fair.

Change all of the pronouns, and you have pretty much described my situation. My transition from potential R to D was also very fast, but I have yet to experience any situation or emotion with or about STBX that has made me doubt that decision. He only reinforces to me that I did the right thing, and it sounds to me like your WS is behaving in much the same way.

Defriend and block your WS. Don't make it possible to see anything about her. Trust me, it will be very good for your emotional health.

I know it seems like their lives are all perfect and happy while we toil away, but ultimately, what they are doing reflects a stark emptiness in them that will never be filled unless they truly work on themselves. Running off to play Passion Palace with an AP does not a happy life make-- it makes for a nice band-aid to cover the gaping wound in his/her soul.

We didn't deserve to be treated this way, and they don't deserve us. So, moving on and living well is the best course, and you are right-- better days are definitely ahead for you, DTTC! Hang in there.

DTTC,

Just kill FB, deactivate. That's what I did. I know your story man and we are in similar spots. My dday only a few weeks earlier than yours.

I too have been trying to R, but I'm done with that shit. Why would we put up with this extreme bad behavior all these weeks is beyond me. Without a doubt these WW are very selfish immature liars.

There is nothing we can do for them. Nothing.

I didn't ask for freedom or want it - but now that I'm faced with it - I'll take it. We can do whatever we want. Released from our vows, we can heal now and look forward to being happy again.

Limbo sucked balls!

Limbo did suck. I hated it. Now just in divorce limbo but ready to accept whatever I get. She gets a rude awakening when they serve her papers to her at work on Monday. Love to be a fly on the wall there.

She is being nice to me and civil regarding kids. Probably has something up her sleeve for the upcoming D. Her OM is divorced and probably coaching her all the way.

But at the end of the day I have my pride, our friends, out families and my self esteem. She will be left with whatever she extracts from me in the D, some time with her children (who are not happy with her as they know its her doing that put us here) and with an OM who will eventually cheat on her or dump her.

So you are right, Karma is a bitch.

I'll keep posting my status as it goes. Still crazy emotional roller coaster. Probably like all of you somedays I sit there and think, how did all of this happen all of a sudden? I mean just a little over a month ago I was married and happy. Crazy, wierd, confusing.

(((Dadtryingtocope)))

I'm sorry. I think it was a good idea to defriend her. You don't need to see those updates.

I hang with my little one to help heal her.

Years from now your DD will remember this and how YOU were there for her. Your support will be etched into her memory and her heart.

[This message edited by jo2love at 5:50 PM, September 15th (Saturday)]

It's all about the kids.

Take care

I'm so sorry. I'm new and have no words of wisdom, other than that my mom left all of us and we were raised by my dad, and he did a fantastic job, even with 2 daughters, so don't doubt yourself. Just press on and do whatever you know is best.

Man, you are not alone. I'm sitting here Saturday night watching T.V. with my kids while my WW is off having a grand ole time with her POSOM. Let me tell you, it really sux.

I know the pain of watching the person you loved turn into a uncaring jerk. It's the toughest and most painful experience I've ever encountered. I don't really know how to get through it, other than taking it one day at a time. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm not there yet. Most everyone on this forum who has been through it say there is. It's not easy, no, its the hardest thing you will ever do, but you will do it and make it through, and be better for it.

I wish you the best, and hope to share a beer at the bar when you make it through.

Wishing you strength and all the very best DTTC. You can do this, you ARE doing this and your kids will give you the strength and comfort to keep doing it.

I'm still 'in limbo' - what a painful horrendous place to be, I'm glad you're out of it. Best of luck with your new journey. Just remember she's the loser in all this.

Thanks All. Last night I took my break and let the WW spend time with our youngest who is struggling the most. She has finally started to ask questions and I am giving her honest answers which the WW will not. Of course the WW is still spending nights in the house while she looks for a place to stay. Apparently she doesn't want to stay at OM's house because she knows it will mean no overnights with our kids at his house. I'm waiting to see how she makes it work financially since I have provided her basically everything for longer than even the 11 years we were married. She talked a number of times about being on her own (something she never did before) so now is her chance. On her own with little to no support from me. I'm not sure she has thought about having to go back to work full time, eventually getting her own benefits, covering her full living expenses, etc. I'm not sure any of them think about this while they are in their fog.

She is already upset that I filed for full custody. Too bad. I didn't ask for this so here is the reality of your actions. It may get worse before it gets better. But I'm betting it gets worse for her more than me.

Karma is a bitch and it will get you eventually.

Tomorrow is another milestone day with papers begin served. Wish I could be a fly on the wall that day.

Off to plan my day with the kids. Hopefully something fun to do so they don't have to think about the things their mom is doing to them.

She takes the kids to Chucky Cheeses for her time with them. Probably on her phone texting the OM. I'll take my kids hiking with some of my friends who have been in our inner support circle. I think I am providing the better experience but then again, I'm biased. Hope all of you are having better days as well.

Tomorrow my parents come in for 10 days to stay with me. That will keep the WW at the OMs for that time. Good time for them to really get to know each other, see how that works out. She'll have to figure out when she can see our kids and avoid contact with my parents. This also is not my problem.

I'll continue with the NC rules. Kids and finances only.

Wonderful that your parents are coming in to help!!!

This is so true!!!!

I know it seems like their lives are all perfect and happy while we toil away, but ultimately, what they are doing reflects a stark emptiness in them that will never be filled unless they truly work on themselves. Running off to play Passion Palace with an AP does not a happy life make-- it makes for a nice band-aid to cover the gaping wound in his/her soul.

Dad-

Just keep being a good, solid dad. Your kids need stability in their lives, now more than ever, and it sounds like you're there for them. As someone mentioned, they'll remember. Kids are also really good at seeing the difference between long-term love and "make-up" behavior. They'll get that you were ALWAYS there for them.

I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. BUt the faster you can reach NC except kids and finances, the faster you get the space to heal.

It's so much easier said than done...took me a few months...and I slip here and there.

You are doing right by your children. Never forget that.

It's a big ole pile of shit you got to wade through...but I got some chest high waders till you get to the other side. Keep posting. We are here for you.

(((Dadtryingtocope))))

You know Dad you are very smart.

Your parents are with you 10 days.

You are serving her tomorrow.

You have been spending quality time with your kids.

If your wifes A last 2 more weeks I will be amazed.

No matter what just keep your conversations about the kids and finances.

And do not let her go out of the way to avoid the inlaws....

Keep being you because you are awesome.

No matter what happens over the next few weeks keep being you!!!!

Your kids are lucky to have you.

HM64

So tonight she confronted me on my request for custody of the kids. She didn't take kindly to that. I told her it will all get settled witht the lawyers and it is all negotiable. But threatened me with a high price lawyer and hitting me hard with support payments. I just sat there calmly and said okay we will see how things shake out. She then broke down and cried about she was a good mom and took care of them 75% of the time while I was off working and coaching. YES I was working, to raise money for our family. So you can't penalize me for that. She may get support payments from me at the end of the day, but probably not as much as she thinks and certainly not with the thought that she has done most of the parenting. That's crap. We'll see how things shake out in the custody meetings.