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I feel like I am going to have a nervous break down. Seriously. My H sounded like he was using tonight and he kept lying to me and I got angry and yelled at him. I called him back and he admitted he took his seroquel with a beer and that is why he sounded out of it. But he said he only had one beer and the amount of seroquel he usually takes. He was crying and apologized for being mean to me and I said it was okay and he said he was going to go to sleep and we said I love you.

I got a call that within that hour he was found passed out and had thrown up on himself. They took him to the ER. Turns out he actually had taken huge dose of xanax and coulnd't breathe. He is on a ventilator in the ICU. He is not responding or waking up yet. It is possible he has brain damage. He has pnemonia now too.

I'm hating myself for getting angry at him and yelling at him tonight. I wish I would have went over there to check on him. But really I had no idea he took xanax I thought he was just acting out of it because the seroquel makes him really sleepy.

He may die or have brain damage and I don't know what I will do.

Please send your thoughts and prayers to him.

Consider them sent (((Lost)))

Sending prayers Lost. I am so sorry.

(((Lost333)))

I don't have any words for you other than to say that my thoughts are with you and it's not your fault.

(((Lost333)))

(((Lost333)))

Thoughts and love to you both

Oh, kiddo. Is there anyone who can stay with you?

Thank you all for the thoughts. I came home for a few hours to sleep. His Dad is with him.

The hospital sedated him a bit more as the drugs are coming out of his system so he doesn't pull the ventilator out. But I guess the drugs have to come out of his system before he will wake up. I'm so scared he is going to die and I will not be there. But I am going back in the morning.

I really need to sleep because I am really out of it. But I don't know if I can.

I think I would rather be alone.

I feel so bad for getting mad at him.

I was so upset though because we had to put our family dog to sleep today that we had since I was 14 and my H was supposed to come over but ditched me. So I was angry that he didn't come over and that he was acting strange. But what if he dies or has brain damage and that was one of our last conversations?

I don't know how I could forgive myself.

I keep thinking I should have known he was taking more than he said and I should have checked on him. If we were still living together this wouldn't of happened.

All the what ifs wont leave my head.

At least lie in the dark and rest for a few hours even if you don't sleep.

This is the kind of thing that made me leave my 1st husband. The dragging him to the ER all out of it in the middle of the night ...

Just take it one minute at a time. First, rest.

Thank you, m334455. I'm sure you understand the fear and panic.

I am going to try to rest. Just turned the lights off.

I prayed and I guess I just have to believe he will be okay until I know otherwise. I just have to have faith tonight.

I called a 24 hour crisis line because I didn't know who to talk to at 4 am. It helped a bit.

Called his dad again. His dad said his vitals are good and his temp is up to 95.9.

Now I guess we wait. The ICU doctor saw him tonight and will be seeing him tomorrow. The nurses are watching him closely.

Even though he wont wake up the nurses said earlier he responded to pain. So that is a good sign.

Huge hugs to you. I know this is hard to accept but you aren't responsible for his wanting to overdose in exactly the same way we aren't responsible for them wanting to have an A. It is their choosing. They decide the path they will take , not us. Please try not to dwell on what if thinking. All this does is laden you down with guilt that is not yours to own.

Prayers for you both. Please keep us posted.

Lost,

I am so, so sorry. What a horrible situation. I am sending you lots of strength and love and I will be praying that DTOM makes a full recovery.

You have done a lot of work on your journey this year. I know it seems hard to accept right now, but one of the things you have learned is that you cannot control anyone but yourself. This is NOT your fault!

I hope tomorrow brings good news and this ordeal is the catalyst for him to get the help he needs.

I am also so very sorry for the loss of your beloved doggie.

(((lost333)))

God, I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you do not feel guilty about his decision. You could not have known. Please don't beat yourself up. I am sending you hugs and love to get through this horrible time. So, so, sorry.

I am praying for you both. I'm so sorry... Rest.

I am praying for you both. I'm so sorry... Rest.

I am so sorry you are going through this. But you are not responsible for this. Please try and get some rest and look after yourself.

((Lost333))

OH NO Lost!!!!!

I'm so sorry about all of this.

Please PLEASE know that you did NOT cause DTOM's OD. You are not responsible for that, please work on not guilt-tripping yourself.

I wish I could be there with you. ((((Lost))))

DTOM has gone down a very dangerous path, and it hurts so much when the people we love are self-destructing and there is NOTHING we can do about it but stand there and watch.

I hope that he will come out of this ok and will truly get the help that he needs. Take it easy, and stop being so hard on yourself.

Take care, and keep us posted, come here to lean on us, whatever you need.

I'm sending you both STRENGTH, and positive, healing thoughts. You WILL make it through this, no matter how it turns out.

((((Lost)))) ((((DTOM))))

Thinking of you both.

This isn't something you caused.

I hope very much he's improving today.

Im so sorry,Lost.

This is not your fault. STOP. STOP blaming yourself. You are not responsible for his actions. HE did this.

My little sister OD'd on heroin 2 years ago. She was dead on arrival at the hospital. Then she was on life support. The doctors told us she wouldn't live,and if by some miracle she did,she would have brain damage. She lived. No brain damage. Miracles DO happen,Lost.

Praying for a full recovery. Praying you find peace.