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2kidsandadog ( member #33679) posted at 5:12 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
I am so sorry for you and him. As many other co-dependents have said here, this is so totally not your fault but somehow it feels like it.
I get good feelings that he will be ok. In the meantime, maybe this is a blessing in disguise that just hasn't exposed itself yet.
Take care of yourself and know that we are all praying for you, your soul and his!
Divorced 05/11/11 -
2kids - 20 and 22 (Thank God for them)
Too many Ddays to count. Enough said!
Lost333 (original poster member #35182) posted at 5:17 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Thank u all for your thoughts and prayers. I'm at the hospital. They are going to try to wean him off ventilator. He can open his eyes and gesture.
I feel like his mom is making decisions though like who should stay in room without asking me. Only one person should be in room when he is weaning off. I started crying and then nurse said I wouldnt help if I stayed cause I was upset. I woulsnt have cared if his parents stayed in I just wanted to be asked cause I am his wife and I have been taking care of him all these months.
Me:29,WS/BS Him:27, BS/WS (DontTreadOnMe) His Dday 2/19/12. My Dday 9/29/12
Married: 2 yrs, together 4 1/2
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin
She-Ra ( member #36033) posted at 5:18 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((( Lost ))))
I'm so sorry to hear and wish DTOM a full recovery. My thoughts are with you and sending prayers your way.
Former story began here July 2012
We were mad-hatters. I was a WW first then a BS. Separated May 2017. 2 kids.
Met my new beginning May 2019 just discovered his EA Oct 2020 4 days after we bought a house
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:26 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Lots of thoughts and prayers to both of you. 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 5:27 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((Lost & DTOM)))
Sending prayers.
Lost, please don't take responsibility for this. As others have said, he's an adult and he chose to take the pills.
Do you know where he's getting the pills?? If it's from a Dr., the Dr. needs to be reported.
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 5:37 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Prayers to him and all who love him--as well as those caring for him.
And a million hugs for you, Lost. Your anger did not cause this. Your feelings are valid. I know---God, how I know---this guilt. (My WH has a serious illness; there have been many times he's wound up hospitalized and I've regretted saying something. But the fact of the matter is that I was also grossly manipulated by his illness...and you may have been, as well.)
Still, I wish nothing more than for a full recovery for your husband. I just hate the thought of YOU feeling responsible in any way.
He's made another very poor decision that impacts you tremendously. And I am so, so sorry for your pain---and for him, as well.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
Undefinabl3 ( member #36883) posted at 5:38 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Sending hugs....
I started crying and then nurse said I wouldnt help if I stayed cause I was upset.
I honestly cant believe a nurse would say this to you. This is horrible and I feel really bad that on top of all that you are going through, a nurse is creating more guilt for you.
Use your feelings and put yourself where you want to be. You are his wife.
Hang in there, hugs and prayers going to you and DTOM.
Me: 35 MH
Him: 41 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.
1/26/15 - Started IC for me, DH won't go.
1/10/18 - Again?!? Online EA's
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 5:38 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
duplicate post--sorry! 
[This message edited by solus sto at 12:32 PM, November 14th (Wednesday)]
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:46 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((Lost333)) Im so sorry
I understand the desperation that goes with wanting to commit suicide. I hope he recovers quickly and gets the help he needs.
Please do not be hard on yourself. Sending prayers your way.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
dreamlife ( member #8142) posted at 5:47 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
"He called me a bitch.
I called him an ambulance."
Linda H.)
AgainandAgain ( member #34835) posted at 6:06 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
I'm so sorry
I pray he's ok. We are all here for you.
((((((((Lost)))))))))
Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 6:13 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((Lost&DTOM))) Prayers for your family.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH
NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 6:16 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
So glad you checked in, Lost.
As you can see, you have an army of SI love streaming your way and sending prayers to you both.
You decide where you want and need to be. And don't let anyone tell your otherwise.
I hope you will be able to communicate with him soon once he is extubated.
BIG hugs and lots of healing energy coming your way....
Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.
badchoice ( member #35566) posted at 6:17 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Thoughts and prayers out to you and DTOM, and family.
Me: fWH/BH 46
Separated transitioning to D
Lyonesse ( member #32943) posted at 6:18 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Tred ( member #34086) posted at 6:20 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((Lost and DTOM)))
Sending best wishes for both of you.
Married: 28 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 6:31 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Oh, Lost--I don't like the idea of his mother making decisions. YOU are next-of-kin.
And of COURSE you're upset. ANYONE with an intubated loved one is upset. I've been there honey---both as an RN and as a family member, and really--this was handled badly.
The nurse was VERY wrong to tell you you shouldn't be there "because you're upset."
If you want to be there, please know that you have the right to be. You remain next-of-kin. You call the shots, not MIL.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
DixieD ( member #33457) posted at 6:34 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
CheaterMagnet ( member #33581) posted at 6:37 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Thoughts and prayers to you both and massive ((((((HUGS)))))) to you.
As others have said, this is NOT your fault. Please try to listen to that.
As far as the nurses are concerned, stand your ground. You are his wife and YOU have the right to make decisions on his care.
Hang in there sweetie.
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 6:40 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Lost, until the day that you and DTOM dissolve your marriage YOU are his wife.
You tell that nursing staff and his doctor that YOU are the one to make decisions, NOT your MIL.
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