SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So...this is why we BS' must have STD screenings and do it again a few months down the road. Just had my annual woman's wellness exam which returned an "abnormal pap smear" result. I have NEVER had such a result before. Sure, it could be nothing which we'll find out but not until later this week. Of course I google "abnormal pap smear" and the first results return "HPV and Abnormal Pap Smear" as if the two go hand in hand.

I am just furious that I even have to worry that ho-bag Moana Leasha may have passed any of her coodies to me through asshat XH! UGH!!!!!! I just want to punch something right now, and it's 4:00 in the morning because I can't sleep!

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

((((TOC))))

I can understand, this is so very INFURIATING!!!!!

For now, just take it one step at a time. You can't do anything about it now.

Sending out MOJO for your follow-up, and positive, healing thoughts your way.

((((TOC))))

Abnormal paps could be nothing. I had one a number of years ago. As I have OCD and worry incessantly whether I need to or not, I totally panicked. When the pap was redone, there was nothing. Maybe the lab tech had a bad day, spilled something on the slide, I don't know. Anyway (and it's easier said than done because I am unable to follow my own advice in this area) don't worry until you get the pap redone. Sending good MOJO your way.

I am sorry TOC that you have this to worry about now. Hopefully it is nothing. I had one a few years ago, but then had a hysterectomy due to excessive bleeding caused by a blood disorder I didn't realize I had. I had never had problems before this and still wonder if it was caused by the OW and XWH#2. Try to think positive thoughts while you wait for results. (((HUGS)))

I've also had several abnormal Paps that turned out to be nothing, or from something like a yeast infection.

Try not to stress too much!!

My last Pap I did wind up having HPV & had to get my cervix biopsied. I most definitely am not a happy camper with my Ex & OW (understatement of the century).

Guess I can see both sides of your delima.

Hoping you hear back that you're all clear. Big hugs... I'd say don't worry, but I know that's probably unhelpful.

[This message edited by WowItsReallyReal at 9:17 PM, April 12th (Wednesday)]

Wow, thanks everyone for calming me down. I really did stress this is what it was when the doc office called. I am due to go back on Thursday and then I will divulge to my doc about the A. I did not see my regular doc for the STD test (shame!) and went to another clinic. Much calmer now and feel much better reading this happens often and often times is nothing. Just weird that in my mid-50's this has never happened before until now.

The urge to text bomb nasty grams to XH is pretty high right now. But alas I will resist.

Definitely let the doctor know about the A. And yeah, I never had an abnormal pap result until I was in my late 30s early 40s. Then I had a string of them. That first one was a shocker, let me tell you! (((hugs))) It will probably be nothing, but I'm glad that you're getting it checked out.

Darn it, TOC. That sucks. It doesn't sound good, I agree.

HOWEVER, I went through the same thing. I had to go to the gynocologist and I had the dreaded abnormal pap smear. The doctor was awesome, though. I was feeling very humiliated to be dealing with this at 50. She was very kind when I told her about my wh's A. She was almost sure it was HPV. She called me after results came in and said it was changes due to menopause, not HPV. We were BOTH surprised.

So, maybe things won't be so bad afterall. Sending good thoughts your way and hoping your results are ok...

Usually if it's abnormal, they DNA test for HPV. So you should definitely know one way or another at your next appointment. I hope it comes back as nothing.

I just had biopsies done Monday and have an appointment next week for results so I do know your fear. Unfortunately for me, my DNA test came back as high risk HPV. If I didn't have auto-immune issues, my body would probably have taken care of it. If you're healthy, your immune system will probably fight it off even if it is HPV. Only rarely does HPV become a cancer diagnosis.

I'm really sorry. I know the waiting is the hardest part. Tom Petty hit that right on the head.

Oh Honey Mr TOC's affair is really the gift that just keeps giving. I am sure that there is nothing to your results and no need to worry but the fact that you had to even consider being exposed to an STD and have that fear because of his selfish actions has me spitting mad too!

I hope all goes well on Thursday.

Rosie xxx

Ugh. Just ugh. And hugs which is just mixed up ugh.

so sorry you have to deal with this. It's infuriating. I had to get STD tests after both DDays. It's humiliating and you have a right to be pissed. Know you are not alone!! Sending lots of hugs and support to you. We are here for you.

When DDay happened, I didn't put my hands on my WS. I didn't verbally abuse him either. When, during false reconciliation, I discovered the burner phone, I still didn't put my hands on X or verbally abuse him. We were separated during my STD tests. I came back normal the first time. But during my Pap 3 months later, I also had abnormal test results and later precancerous cells. If my cheater had been at home, God forgive me, I think I would have shot him. Lucky for him he was safely back in Afghanistan. When my follow up STD tests came back positive for the HPV, same. We're D now. And my last 2 PAPs have been normal.

I completely understand how you feel. My X is very lucky he is still breathing. If I had to fight cancer because of him, I honestly don't know if I'd be behind bars if I'd survived. I was FURIOUS with him for risking my life like that. I'm sure the virus is laying dormant somewhere in my body, but I no longer have the precancerous cells in my body. Praying for a good outcome from your biopsy.

Welp, I told my doc yesterday and I now have to wait for the results of the mack daddy of all STD panels. While she wouldn't outright confirm her suspicions I could be dealing with HPV, she was clear it couldn't be ruled out "so let's just go all in and be sure we know what we're dealing with."

I left her office even more furious than before and this time, I couldn't hold it in...I texted the asshat XH:

Me: Guess what I just did?

Him: Skydiving?

Me: Cute. Um, no. Guess again.

Him: At work, TOC, just tell me.

Me: OK. Swabbing and blood draw for STD testing!

Him: OK. Wow, are you telling me you've met someone and are planning to sleep with him?

Me: For Christ's sake you asshole - I may have caught something from you and your whore!!!!!!! Pull your head out of your ass!!!

Him: Christ, TOC, are you sure?

Me: Yes, I'm sure I am in my car outside the doc's office texting you because I was just told I really had to have this done after an abnormal pap. I swear to god I just want to punch you right now. I'd suggest you run to your doc and get tested before your dick falls off.

Him: You have the results already?

Me: NO, now I get to enjoy an excruciatingly long wait to find out if you and your ho-bag have infected me. Thanks for that. Your affair, the gift that keeps on giving.

Him: Fuck. I don't know what to say but if it turns out to be anything, fuck, I'm sorry. I've never stopped being sorry, I'll always be sorry. Son of a bitch.

Me: Happy Easter. FUCK YOU.

And I tossed my phone and drove back to work.

I'm no better than I was when I found out. He kept texting me, wanted to talk and I ignored. Wow, this is going to be a super fun long weekend.

Praying for strength....

Peace.

Oh TOC, I am so sorry about the testing and the a**hole X!

I've followed your story since day one and been so proud (and envious) of you. I hope you are fine and his d*ck does fall off!

I'm glad you texted him. Why shouldn't he get to "enjoy" the pain/worry. He enjoyed his ho. I hope you ruined his day.

Lostcovenants, Thank you! That's exactly why I did it - I didn't want him to sail through a long weekend all carefree and happy while I struggled watching the clock. It was awful telling my doc who didn't even know I was divorced. Why do we as BSes feel shameful about someone else's behavior? Makes no sense at all but I'm going to work on letting that go.

I totally get why you told him. I wish I could've let loose on X. Instead, he wasn't remorseful, and ran off with her. So, I choose not to tell him because I didn't want him to get treatment and I wished cancer on both of them. Now, 4 years later it's probably too late to tell them.

I hope you can still enjoy what's left of your Easter and try not to worry until you get the results.

I pray it's not HPV. Try to think calm thoughts. As for him, I hope he has one panic attack after another.

You're not alone. It was pretty shameful knowing I now had a virus because my X poked strange hoo has. My doctor. was an angel though. She'd been my doctor for years and knew my H. I got some small measure of comfort knowing what she thought of him. Obviously, she couldn't tell me but it was all over her face when she gave me the news. I was embarrassed because I mistakenly thought somehow I must've done something to put myself in a situation where I got it. I know better now. The only dumb thing I did was believe a cheater actually had integrity when he didn't.

Happy Easter. I hope where you are the weather is enjoyable so you can take some calming long walks.

I just love all of you here!!! This just sucks so much but the support and outpouring of kindness is so incredible! It actually makes me tear up.

THANK YOU, EVERYONE!

PS. XH sent apology flowers. If only he were as good as keeping his d$@k in his pants as he was about sending me flowers!

Like flowers are going to make up for possibly giving you a STD. What a clueless dick wad. I hope his dick falls off and the dog walker gets a dose too. I couldn't believe he thought you were getting STD testing because you met someone else. They really are delusional.