SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

First, I want to offer an apology for every that might be offended by the rant but I need to get it out of my system - out in the open. Enough is enough. I do have enough of this sometimes direct and sometime subtle men bashing and male bias in society. Especially when it comes to men that refuse to play the role of the pussyfied doormat of women in general and specifically their wives. Even more so if your wife has chaeted. I have really enough and am sick of those double standards. All this man hating society disgusts me to the point of just wanting to give up not only any kind of romantic relationships with women but this society as a whole.

Everytime there comes a member who wants to express a different opinion he is bullied into submission through shaming tactics which sometimes happens to be directlly targeted at him by calling him a macho or whatever or sometimes indirectly by using a subtle notion like being an all women hater. He is asked not to generalize and to talk on behalf of others while those who bully him, the advocates of free speech, are doing so by generalizing their opinion and talking on behalf of everyone else.

Everytime such a man comes here he's asked to check his masculinity while dare not to ask a woman to check her femininity. "O, hon, you cheated on me? You have a bastard baby with your POS? Let me just pay for it! I will happily take the "high road" and give my resources for another man's child - emotional as well as financial. But no, that's not an abuse, so let me pay not only for the baby which isn't mine but also for all of your POS's expenses when he takes the kid".

So, let me, honey, also be a cuckold, that's so empowering as a man. Why not? The state discriminates me simply by my gender and bullies me to be a cuckold by forcing me to pay you child support for a child that isn't mine, that's such a wonderful experience. No problem, honey, it will definitely help me heal. I'm a man and you are the damsel in distress, you have no responsibity for the choices you made, the actions you took and the consequences of your actions. I'll take the "high road" by letting you get away with everything. Of course, this will empower you too as you can learn now that actions have no consequences for the wife but only for the husband. Let me pay for everything. This has been so from the begining of mankind and this should continue to be so unless the roles change and husband is in the place of the wife. Fair enough. Well, I've checked my priviliges. Especially the ones mentioned here. And it says I shouldn't put up with this abuse anymore. Besides I have none.

And this abuse of course doesn't stop here. So, when a man cheats than he's probably misusing those alleged privileges but when the woman cheats she's a damsel in distress. When a man cheats or has a difficult time to deal with abuse then he's turned into the abuser himself, just for saying or demanding anything from his wife. Yet, when a wife bullies and abuses her husband then she's a strong and independent woman.

The thing is also that many in here who come to advocate strenght and to show it through their actions lack the basic strenght and ability to hear any other opinion without to intervene and to shame all of those who express any different point of view which in my opinion shows an enormous amount of weakness than any strenght. This

hypocrisy is one the criteria how I filter the advise given on such boards. They say everyone is different but when different opnions are offered they are the first ones to denouce and silence any other opinion than theirs. And of course for them it is o.k. to define for other men what masculinity means but dare not to do the same to women or other men.

Anyway, it is obvioys who the receiver of such mistreatment is and normally those are the more traditional men. It is o.k. to bully them with the usual mantra of checking or questioning your masculinity (at the end they have enough strenght to deal and hear other opinions) but those men offering an other option (not forcing their opinion on anyone) is met immediately with the common shaming tactics and with the aim to silence them.

When I came to SI there was one specific member who helped me IMMENSLY. Everytime he posted he was bullied in the same way and subjected to the same shaming tactics. With the time he "disappeared". Maybe because he had enough of those bullies or maybe because he got a permanent ban from the site. However, I miss this one voice that stroke chord and resonated with me.

There was now another such incident with yet another member. Now, he has to go through the same thing. In one of my post I said that for me everything boils probably down to one simple question. It is the type of a man I am and the way I see masculinity. In one of the last threads in JFO this member gave an excellent advise that resonated with me. However, no discussion is possible for men like us and he now goes through the same. I wonder how long he will stay here. And that's the reason why I'm not posting so much and seeking advice as well as abstaining from giving one to others. I do it now very rarely.

And thanks to Redbaron for his contribution to this site.

[This message edited by MrSpock at 6:01 PM, April 20th (Thursday)]

I too have seen this on this site. One guy got banned here (I think) who offered advise that was not the prescribed advise offered in that particular forum dominated by women. I found it helpful and his advise worked for what I was looking for, even so, he kept getting reprimanded and now he is either banned or deleted his 2 yr old account.

[This message edited by Randy1133 at 9:37 AM, April 17th (Monday)]

Redbaron has a strong opinion against reconciliation. Which is fine. However, he insults those men who do try to reconcile. He specifically said there are two types of men here on SI. And what he said was unfair. And insulting.

So it's ok for him to be insulting...But not called out for it? It's ok for him to bully..because you agree with him..But not be bullied back? You can't insult half the men on here, and not expect a few comments back.

I don't see any wayward wives getting a pass for cheating, or being treated like damsels in distress.

I also don't see abuse being accepted by a man,or a woman. I have seen women told not to hit their spouse..And I've seen the same told to men who hit their wife.

I am a woman. I don't know how it feels to be a man,and be cheated on. But it's no picnic for the women,either. Society tells us if we were thinner,sexier,prettier,more subservient,sex kittens, then our man wouldn't have had to cheat.

I think telling a BH he isn't macho,or less than a man, because he was cheated on,is unacceptable.

I also don't think any BH should have to pay child support for a child that isn't his. If a child is born during the marriage,it is assumed the BH is the father. If the BH petitions the court, and has a paternity test done, and it's proven he isn't the father, he doesn't have to pay.

Randy...are you saying the jfo forum is dominated by women?

Interesting. Usually when a BH shows up on that forum, their thread gets inundated by men, and the thread goes on for several pages. The betrayed husbands show up in full force to support a new BH.

Not JFO. New Beginnings.

From a legal standpoint, ya, if you are married then I'm sure it's a default situation that you have to prove that you are NOT the father. I'm pretty sure we assume we know who the mother is :)

There was another person a while back who would post some pretty tough stuff to read but if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here. The tough love posters are good even if they aren't for everyone.

So it's ok for him to be insulting...But not called out for it? It's ok for him to bully..because you agree with him..But not be bullied back? You can't insult half the men on here, and not expect a few comments back.

This, exactly, and I will report every incident that I see...he needs to get over himself.

Thanks Randy. I very rarely visit that forum.

There's an old joke that when a man cheats it's his fault. When a woman cheats it's also his fault. That joke exists for a reason.

Confused615

What Redbaron said is not an insult and he is not a bully. To say that a man who asks his wife for sex after she didnt give him anything but gave it freely during an affair to the OM while afterwards she denies it again from her her husband and calling him for tha a rapist or pointing to it, is not only abuse but is false allegation. And to advise someone im this manner is illegal. Redbaron was doing what unendless books are writing and gives a description that you might find true or not. He hasn't bullied anyone nor threatened people here. He has done what women are constantly doing, only to treat men as inhumans in our society is fine but a man expressing his view is politicaly incorect when women don't like it or it goes against their privileges. You know what it is. It is not only double standard but misandry.

Anyway, if you say women are treated the same, I ask you to read more carefully the wayward forum. Other forums too. I can't bring you examples from there because it is against the guidelines but there is a big difference. Regarding the paternity test in most cases it is illegal if the mother disagrees so it's not up to the man. Google the topic and you will see how many children are the results of affairs as well as how many men are forced by the courts to pay for them child support. It's an epidemic and taboo to speak about it. You have to research it yourself

Edited to add:

You see, I haven't said it easy for women. I even haven't said there are no double stadards that women face. I only try to talk about men's issues. And of course about mine's as a man. And when I do it is immediately deflected back women again. We have in our culture discussed for decades women issues. Oppenly! Yet, when men openly talk about theirs, they are immediately silenced. This is another double standards. I am pointing to them and do not claim it's easy for women or women have no problems

And the above threats are just proving my point. I hope the mods see it because I am not a type of person who is going to play the thought police and report others.

[This message edited by MrSpock at 10:21 AM, April 17th (Monday)]

IDK ... 34 posts in a thread, and a couple that disagree with the idea that there are 2 types of men.... I see no double standard.

I do see a bunch of people projecting themselves into a sitch they know little about. I do see a bunch of people jumping to conclusions.

Frankly, Spock, I think you've let your emotions interfere with your thinking.

I still can't comprehend how anyone can actually believe there are only 2 types of men and that they're the 2 types described in that post.

Among other things, only a person with low self-esteem, IMO, would feel forced into an action because of something someone else did.

A person with high self esteem would instead ask himself, 'What do I want? What are my options? What are the parameters on which I'll make my decision?' Then he'll decide and act to implement his decision.

I still can't comprehend how anyone can actually believe there are only 2 types of men and that they're the 2 types described in that post.

I will simply agree with this, anything else might be taken as a threat.

SISOON

What you are doing is also a double standard. In your case I don't think it's with intent.

Yeah, even a Spock, can have them (meaning emotions) - sometimes. At least occasionally. From everything I wrote you have't adress any of the double standards because regarding Redbaron we can agree or disagree but it's not the contet of his ideas rather the way he's treated and the inability of people to hear to other people's opiniom.

Yes, Spock is angry and actually expressing it rather to suppress it.

[This message edited by MrSpock at 10:52 AM, April 17th (Monday)]

I'm not sure how rape is coming into the conversation. Unless I missed it,RB didn't bring up rape. So I assume you're talking about other posts

I don't think that a husband wanting sex with his wife,the same kind of sex she freely gave to her OM, as rape. I have read on the wayward forum that some wayward wives disagree. That's their opinion. I disagree.

I think comparing your husband who wants anal,because his wife did that with the OM,and she's not into it with her husband, to rape is unfair. He can want it. And she can say no. But that doesn't make him a rapist. As a rape survivor, I find the comparison insulting.

And..I would say calling the betrayed husbands here..who attempt reconciliation..a pathetic display of manhood..is insulting. YMMV

FWIW, I agree with many things RB posts about. He's blunt. He doesn't sugarcoat. As a BW who is blunt,and doesn't sugarcoat,I can respect his perspective. And appreciate it. It's when he slams those who try to reconcile that I take issue with. No. It's when he slams the members of this site that is uncalled for. He can state his opinion perfectly,without doing that.

ETA....I just read your response to sisoon. I will say it's not the content of RB's posts that are the problem. It's the way in which he chooses to express his opinion. It can be done without insulting the betrayed husbands who are attempting reconciliation here.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:00 AM, April 17th (Monday)]

And the way I was treated in my two first threads; the things that were thrown at me! And no I haven't said anything like Redbaron. However, no one have said anything to those posters as they are doing it now and chastising Redbaron. You see the hypocrisy; you see the double standards.

ETA....I just read your response to sisoon. I will say it's not the content of RB's posts that are the problem. It's the way in which he chooses to express his opinion. It can be done without insulting the betrayed husbands who are attempting reconciliation here.

Indeed...communicating ideas effectively without bullying insults will prevent other members from becoming tone deaf, not only to opinions, but also to questions and concerns.

Yes I think insulting ones manhood because they reconcile with their wives is a piss poor choice of words . Divorcing ones spouse because it's a deal breaker doesn't make you more of a man and insulting one who chooses to reconcile certainly doesn't.

I don't see the double standard .

Confused

I may agree with you about the language. This is what he is, this is his upbringing and I think one should differ between language and content. It's quite arrogant to chastise someone because of his use of language. Not everyone has the opportunity to afford the best education avalable and a rude language is not abuse by itself. And many women use that kind of language in the same way.

As to the rape it came in different threads and not in the specific one in JFO. Yet, even this is only a small part of the problem. There was another thread and again not only one where the wife said she was abusive and hit her husband. The responses she got was to give herself a break. That it is o.k. No one told her to stop and no other posters of those chastising Redbaron called out those poster. You know why? Because in our society to hit a woman is a tragedy. Yet, for a woman to hit and to abuse her husband, that's funny. It's a comedy.

And of course the double standard is that people are so "sensitive" to only one side but have no problem with others abusing everyone else. But no it's not a double standards. Let's look away and claim that we can't see it. Very mature.