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And those double standards is the obvious reason why for those people it's not about the insult or the rude language but it's a way to silence everyone from expressing their opinion. I have seen them doing this with less rude language too. And that's why I don't belive them. It's also how many unremorseful wayward wive are silencing their betrayed husbands. Another double standard.

[This message edited by MrSpock at 11:55 AM, April 17th (Monday)]

If the BH petitions the court, and has a paternity test done, and it's proven he isn't the father, he doesn't have to pay.

This varies according to state.

Pretty much any time you use the words all or never, you are going to get blow back.

I know I for one (and many others) will call a women out if she is using violence against her spouse. There is a double standard in society overall about that but I think that is because for many many generations women were often without financial resources or options to leave and men ( in general, not always) were larger and stronger than their spouse. I think that mindset is changing albeit slowly.

As far as language not being used against someone, etc. That is the only way we have to communicate on this site so.... Which is one reason you will often hear people say, take what fits, leave the rest.

I sometimes agree with an opinion that doesn't fit the majority here. I typically reach out with a pm to that member to thank them or whatever but I don't have a need personally to add gas when I see a fire. There are some members that I never agree with or just find to have opposing views and I avoid them. That works too. ver aren't required to like everyone and no one monitors to see if you are avoiding topics or members.

All that said, this site has been so helpful to me that one thing I can't see me ever doing is to write an inflammatory post calling out just about everybody. If I really felt that was necessary, I would just leave. Your milage may vary.

It seems to me that this thread was triggered by a previous thread or threads. I have not read those threads.

I have noticed some subtle double standards, but I don't know if it is inappropriate. Men are far more likely to be identified as abusive and controlling than women.

I don't know if that is a bad thing, though. My wife is pretty big and strong for a woman, whereas I am about average strength and size for a man... and I could still totally kick her ass.

The fact is... there are some pretty substantial differences between men and women. As Pentup said, though, those differences are in general, so you can't use the terms always and never.

According to researches (for example Strauss, Fiebert and many others) as well as the official data like from the CDC, men and women are abused about seemingly the same rates. It is also not a problem for a woman to overcome the physical gap. There are enough methods. Weapons are for reason here. According to the data above more than 40% of the victims of severe violence are men. It's only the double standards and hate of men organised by certain groups that prevent society to acknowledge it and give them help and support. Even if it was less it's still the same. A victim is a victim. He needs support not more people bullying him and there is nothing decent or propriate in denying it. And yes telling a man his suffering doesn't count is a horrible thing. It's inhumane. It's treating him as a disposable utlility not as an actual human being.

I have been here for years. I'm reconciled. I don't hang out because I'm bitter(though if you read the reviews some have given of SI,I'm considered "off the rails bitter."). But,over the years,I've seen several threads by betrayed wives who have hit their wh. Sometimes she is called out..Sometimes she isn't. I've also seen several of the same kinds of threads by betrayed husbands who have hit their WW. Some are called out for it...some aren't. The betrayed husbands tend to mention their abuse of their WW in the context of an ongoing thread. Betrayed wives tend to start a thread specifically talking about hitting their WS.

Interestingly, very few threads are started by a WW talking about hitting their BH...or a WH talking about hitting their BW. But I can assure you..it happens. My WH has hit me.

What I have learned is...not everyone posts,or reads, every thread. So while some may get called out,and others aren't,it might be because those same people aren't reading or responding on every thread.

And...yes...society seems to view it differently. I've noticed tv shows where a woman slapping a man gets a laugh..But if we were to reverse genders,it's treated differently.

The same can be said of infidelity. Society views infidelity as somewhat romantic. And if a man cheats,it's expected,and somewhat the fault of the wife for not being thin enough,pretty enough,or giving him enough sex. Whereas,when a woman cheats it's because the husband is an asshole. However,here on SI,I haven't noticed anyone saying it's the betrayed spouse's fault...well..other than new waywards who are still blame shifting.

It would be lovely if society stopped making infidelity so glamorous. But,I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Everyone is free to express their opinion here. What they are not allowed per the guidelines is to generalize. People are also allowed to disagree so long as they do so respectfully and don't attack other people. Again, this is spelled out in the guidelines.

We don't moderate opinions.

Acting as though there are only two types of men reduces men to one-dimensional characters rather than multifaceted individuals who can take into account the wide array of differences in their situation and come to a decision on their own.

That is a perfect example of the double standard that this rant inspired.

You can have any opinion you want - but if you say it in a forum others are going to respond to it, often in ways you may not agree with.

This forum has rules. If one routinely violates the rules they get banned. An internet forum isn't the same as a public square, freedom of speech isn't freedom from consequences. You can call your boss an insulting name, and you won't go to jail but you might get fired. This is the same thing.

I know I for one (and many others) will call a women out if she is using violence against her spouse. There is a double standard in society overall about that but I think that is because for many many generations women were often without financial resources or options to leave and men ( in general, not always) were larger and stronger than their spouse. I think that mindset is changing albeit slowly.

Have you read the researches from Carol Rogers (She is a woman). That's one of those myths. Have you considered that at the same time 99% of men were at the same place as women. However, historically while women were at home those same men were sent to wars and died on the battlefields without having a word to say. Not only women could not vote but 99% of men could not vote too. Did you read the researches that European queens waged more wars than kings. Yet, they sent only men to the wars. Yeah, but why to admitt that we all have suffered, it is really so funny to demonize and de-humanize collectively all men. Of course, men today have to pay for someting that has been done or hasn't been done some thousands years ago. If you can't find the reseaches I can give it to you.

Edited to add

Not all women are like this but too many and especially some white knights (men) who will harm men too. And this is one of the reasons that society disgusts me up to the point of wanting to give everything up - "love", romantic relationships and the society as a whole. Not because I hate all women but to many women hate me for just being a man and self preservation is the most important thing for me. It is no more about my reconciliation.

[This message edited by MrSpock at 1:14 PM, April 17th (Monday)]

His opinion is not a double standard. At most it is wrong. Double standard is dismising all the others aspects and double standards clinging to the false misinterpretatipn of his statement. And of course as my threads show one sided free speech and all the other things are not double standard. It is one only if women and the men that play along with them support them. Another double standard.

[This message edited by MrSpock at 1:10 PM, April 17th (Monday)]

The only thing Red Barron said wrong (in the post everyone was referring to) was "all". Saying they are either this or that and nothing else isn't true. But, I can say, that much of what he says rings true and you tend to see it over and over on here, especially in JFO. But every situation is different and not everyone is as hard-wired to accept adultery as a deal breaker especially with other mitigating factors to consider.

If you read my statement(s) in way shape or form as dehumanizing or demeaning any gender then your own bias is showing.

And with that, I am out. Because to be completely honest some of your posts just annoy me and I don't care enough to figure out why except to note it has nothing to do with your gender. See that is one of those things I don't normally say on here because it is not helpful! I do wish you the best.

I hate bullying. I was bullied as a kid. My kid brother, Randy, and I walked to school and were always in fear of being bullied by Scut Farkus and his toady Grover Dill. They would twist our arms and make us say uncle. One day, however, when I was already feeling low, Scut hit me in the face with a snowball. I started to cry and he mocked me. I snapped and rushed at him. I tackled him and began to pummel him whilst yelling a string of obscenities. I'd had all I was going to suffer. Eventually my mom pulled me off him and we went home. It was always known as the Scut Farkus affair and I was a hero at school.

[This message edited by CincyKid at 1:30 PM, April 17th (Monday)]

Always wear Z87 safety glasses when shooting your red ryder Cincy.

Randy

I agree with you. I used this thread and his statement only as a starting point and it makes less than 10% of my post. While basically I agree with him I also agree with you as it can be more nuanced within the same frame that he outlined. That was his mistake. Yet, it is impossible to discuss it because this is politically incorrect. However, I don't want to cling to his specific statement as I was talking about a wide and pervasive phenomenon and gave many examples. For some it's easier to look away rather than to face the double standards. It is hard to deal with this truth that is painful. And men don't deserve it. At least not some men.

Pentup

The only bias is talking around without saying anything and being unable to bring facts to support your statements or vievs. I understand why my posts are annoying you because I maintain a factual discussion. Therefore it is a truth. And I am not afraid to say it.

I wish you the best too.

Cincy, I'm pretty sure that was a scene from "A Christmas Story".

Mr Spock it has absolutely nothing to do with what you consider to be facts.

Confused

I agree with most of your last post and when I respond, it is rarely, I give same advice, no matter the gender. There was one woman recently that I told her to kick her husband to the curb and in the thread discussed above I said the same.

I also agree with you about the infidelity issue as being treated in somehow romantic way. While I do agree that there are those opinions about women (which are unacceptable for me) I think it is more politically incorrect for men to say it. There was one specific thread where I even brought some examples that would have been never published if a man was standing behind them.

Pentup

It has everything to do with it. And you continue being unable to refute them with other facts just proves my point. You continue to talk around.