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My ex has said and done things these last few days that is making me wonder if she has truly lost her mind. If this is an inappropriate question for some then I apologize, but I am truly shocked at her behavior (and yes she cheated on me too but even then it wasn't like this.)

If you feel like sharing please do.

Oh, I think we all get some wild shit thrown our way at some point as we navigate this mess. It is hard not to take it personally, but just remember the source. Whether it is projection, an attempt to justify their actions, or whatever the reason, these asinine moments are straight out of the Cheater's Handbook.

Some of the things I got?

* I was crazy. As in truly mentally unstable kind of crazy, not just figuratively. That statement came after I confronted him at around 5:30 a.m. on Dday 1, right after I snapped his phone in half and threw it at him (it was a Razor flip phone). That was pure rage speaking, not lunacy, after finding out the A with with our oldest DD's BFF's mother.

* I had a substance abuse problem with pain killers. Um, okay, if ibuprofen used as needed for chronic pain falls in that camp, guilty as charged.

* I had a drinking problem. Cuz, ya know, my Friday evening glass of wine was WAYYYY over the top!

* And of course, he knew I had cheated on him previously. Classic projection. I've never strayed, even remotely.

And of course, for all of these "problems" he genuinely "hoped I would seek treatment and counseling to deal with them."

To all that I laughed at him in response.

Now, if a WS is making threats against you based on unfounded claims, or hinting at planting criminal evidence to frame you in some way, then THAT should be taken seriously with proactive measures taken to thwart them. Don't take that lightly.

Anything else, as hard as it may be, try not to take it personally. Those family members and friends that really know you all know it is absolute bullshit.

Thank you for sharing.

"And of course, he knew I had cheated on him previously. Classic projection. I've never strayed, even remotely."

This one got my attention the most because I hear the same thing from my ex/WS.

At one point she even had the nerve to tell me that "I was the reason she needed to cheat."

If Ibuprofen is considered substance abuse then I'm WAY out of control with my Excedrin Extra Strength.

Once again, thank you for sharing.

You are not alone.

Mine was convinced that I had been seeing someone once we split. He had seen a mans pair of socks that I use in my boots and he knew that I was the one cheating.

He also felt I was the bad guy for standing up for myself and not putting up with his cheating. I was breaking up his world.

In the end, it’s all about the cheater in their mind.

There’s too many to list but a few that hurt that most were:

- You’re a shitty Dad. I do everything for those kids. (I know it’s not true but it still hurt)

-Like you haven’t cheated on me before (this was after I confronted her...she thought I was fooling around with my MARRIED Boss......ummmmm No! .....and for the record I’ve never strayed in ANY relationship I’ve been in)

-You’re crazy and you need help

-I guess I just settled. I haven’t been happy with you for years! (Why did u marry me? Why did we have another child?)

I have caught her in many lies over the years... got gaslighted and stonewalled every time: "I am Joking", "that didn't happen", etc... take your pick, she used the script.

She hated that I snooped on her FB and caught her talking to a guy she said she wanted to have sex with. Then they switched to deleting messages to using Snapchat. But I am a horrible person for breaking my promise to never ever look at her FB account ever again.

After D-Day:

"I had to destroy you to get you to let go" along with, "I am proud of who I am".

"You need to let go of your hurt and stop controlling things" when I told her to she needed to uphold the agreement to not let SOs meet our kids until 3 months of dating... she was letting him meet them from day 1.

My favorite "I am NOT a bad person, everyone likes me when they meet me!"

She claimed I raped her because she would say yes to sex even if she didn't want it. Why? Because she didn't want me to be disappointed. -.- That that also makes her a rapist by her definition.

She has said to to my face that I am immature, selfish, controlling, and a rapist. On FB she has said I am a narcissist. - But that she still tells people that I am a good guy (hahahahaha) and that if people don't like me that is because they have decided not to like me. <--- Seriously, no words outside of being frustrated she actually thinks I believe this.

Ummm... oh, she has said I have done nothing but treat her like crap because I can't let go of my hurt.

A quote from Mythbusters that comes to mind is, "I reject your reality and substitute my own."

Just today, WH sent an email stating the reason we have a written parenting agreement is because I am "untrustworthy."

Bahahahahaaaaaa!!!! It is official. He has completely lost his mind. Completely unsalvageable as a human being.

I actually DID laugh. Healing is in full force.

I'll play.

Mine never admitted the A and out of the blue told me that he didn't want to be married anymore. I never had confirmation of the real reason until he had already moved out and demolished me emotionally. Despite me asking 14 ways to Sunday if there was someone else, he continued to look me right in the face and tell me no. So, before I knew about the OW, he naturally blamed everything on me. When I asked why he felt like he didn't love me anymore, he came up with a couple of doozies.

"You didn't like my family when we first got married." Uh huh. He had to reach back 13 years to try that one and failed to mention that he didn't particularly like his family at that time either.

"You forced me to move here." Um, he knew from the day he met me that my plan was to move back to my hometown. I actually did it much later than I would have because of him, but he knew I wanted to raise a family around family. The way I remember it, he agreed to it without an issue.

"Believe it or not, I just don't really think about this (meaning the break up of our marriage) very much." While I was devastated, couldn't stop crying, and desperate for answers, he apparently just went on his merry way without a thought in his head about how he was hurting me and the kids.

And, the king daddy of them all, the thing I will remember until the day I die and the thing that made me lose all faith in relationships: "Every feeling I ever had for you is dead."

That was worse than a gunshot and it was his response to me as I cried and begged him to tell me why he had to move out and why we couldn't work on whatever was happening while we lived together (remember that I didn't know about OW yet).

He couldn't pull together one single feeling for his wife and the mother of his kids?

Everything he said to me during that time was nothing but a bunch of cowardly and cruel lies designed to keep me in the weaker position. He did everything in his power to keep control over the situation so that I couldn't make an informed decision about my life, my marriage, and my kids' future. I have recovered from the A and the divorce and even don't give too much of a shit that he married OW a couple weeks ago. What I will never recover from is the fear that I may cross paths with someone this heartless and cruel again. I don't know that I can ever completely hand my heart over to another person now after seeing that I could feel perfectly happy and content while my partner is lying, tricking me, and planning his exit.

[This message edited by suckstobeme at 12:52 AM, November 29th (Thursday)]

The worst thing she did was marry her AP after our divorce was finalized. Not because it's hard for me to deal with him or them, but because of what it's going to mean for DD when she gets old enough to know the truth: that her parents split because her mother had an affair and that her mother proceeded to marry the man who so happily assisted my ex-wife in breaking up our family.

I, like so many others, have a list as long as my arm of hurtful thing said and done.

The one thing that takes the cake, the one thing bordering on evil, and I never use that term flippantly, maybe even crossing that line, she coerced me into having a vasectomy.

Had I married a willing women, I would have had a dozen children. A core belief of mine I was willing to and did compromise on.

She told me after separation, she didn't want me having a family with another.

What I find astounding, in my pain and hurt,I was willing to forgive such an act and reconcile. The best thing she did was not to accept it and continue on her way.

I use to think it would have been better had she died. Not true. Had she died I would still miss her.

I no longer miss her. Now I just don't care.

She missed his kisses and he tasted better thats why she swallowed.

Feels like eating glass knowing that information.

On having his third affair (when he knew how much I had hurt with his first two--I had filed for divorce after the second one):

I thought it was harmless. You know, like a prank.

A PRANK?

I guess that's how little he thinks of marriage and commitment.

Cat

There are so many absurdly funny things that are too numerous to name but the absolute worst thing he ever said to me was a couple of months after I discovered that NC had never been honored was "You wanted me to be exclusive. I couldn't be exclusive."

What the actual fuck?? We were in False R for 13 months and I never got the memo that he wasn't "exclusive." What exactly is marriage if it's not "exclusive." Duh. Asshole.

The thing that showed me how he had zero feelings ...was when I discovered his A...and his reply was for me to go have sex with someone else...if it would help me feel better...???? I felt he was telling me just how great cheating was.

Dealing with a A, is mind blowing..heart breaking, and shocking...I couldn't believe he said this...He was so far gone...

I have also learned he is NPD...I cant believe how many times he brings up a painful subject...I thought we might discuss things...fix a few things...instead...he would do that evil Cheshire cat laugh...that evil grin...he just wanted to relive it a bit...I didn't know him anymore...he was showing me who he had been all along...My life was a lie.

Once he was done....I was there to punish in the most evil way...

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 9:28 AM, November 29th (Thursday)]

The worst thing XWH#2 did was to stay married to me during 3yrs of false R, with broken NC and continuing the LTA the whole time taking it further and further underground. The stress and his drinking caused him to lose it and he kick in the front door, assault me, then put a gun in my face while I was on the phone with 911. He put the gun away before they arrived and said "well, I guess this is it" as we heard all the sirens coming. I just looked at him and replied, "yes, I know it is". They immediately had him on the ground, cuffed, and hauled to jail. I heard OW bailed him out of jail the next day. She was welcome to the crazy, abusive, alcoholic, cheating, lying bastard as far as I was concerned. She didn't get the prize she thought she did.

Xwh did so many cruel, evil things to me, far too many to list (and the doing of such may give away my identity, should I be discovered on this site), but the biggest he did of all was to pay for (and sat with for support) mow to sue me in various court cases for harassment, including with fabricated "evidence", in an all out effort to have me jailed (I assume it was one way to make me "disappear" so mow could take my place, and I am fortunate they didn't try a more physical attempt), and I believe he knew the whole time it was totally based upon lies. He also supported her making multiple police reports with false statements aimed at me as well. Oh, and this was done while denying the A, which is still, incredibly, denied even today (though he also paid for her D....).

Mine said he wanted to marry OW but wanted me to be his mistress.

That and he borrowed all the equity out of our house and bought a house for OW in her name.

I guess the worst were;

"You're paranoid, truly mental. You really need counseling." Not really 'paranoid' at all, but, yes, I do need counseling now...(thanks!).

"You are a horrible mother. I raised those kids without any help from you."

Not only a lie, but a damn lie! I was a SAHM&W for 27+ years & taking care of him/the kids was my whole life. He worked graveyard - by choice- for many, many years. He missed a lot. Hell, he didn't even know where their doctor's office was (same doctor for entire childhood of both kids)!

"I never wanted to marry you. You FORCED me to get & stay married". (For more than 2.5 decades?!). OW told me the same thing. She also emailed our DS & told him this theory. She also told DS ExH only married me because I was pregnant, & that he wasn't wanted!!!

😡🤬🤮. What kind of Mo&#$@Fu%#$@ says that to someone, let alone their 'twu luv's' child?!!!

She's lucky we'd already moved away (my son took his sister & I in when my IHS with exH turned dangerous)!

[This message edited by WowItsReallyReal at 8:51 AM, November 30th (Friday)]

My ex said many of the things mentioned about. There was a lot of projection and blame. He'd purposely get into a fight with me so he had an excuse to go see OW. The one I don't know if I'll ever get over... he went to see OW hours after I delivered our 2nd child. And of course lied about it to me the next day when he showed up at the hospital with flowers.

I have heard it all and continue.

"You havent changed at all"

uh, I made significant changes, WW was way preoccupied with being selfish and destroying our family.

"You are a horrible dad, the kids don't trust you, you will betray them eventually"

Uh no, the kids love me, trust me 100% and always will and I will never do to our family what WW did

Fortunately I havent heard any bashes against me sexually. I know they wouldnt be true anyway as WW and I had a wonderful sex life up until this.

What really bugs is the constant criticism and the constant blaming. "If I were happy I wouldnt have decided on this". Uh, no, if you werent selfish you wouldnt have thought about doing this.

"I am not leaving you for OM". Uh, you left me the moment you started having an EA with him, for him.