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Anyone ever done this or have thought about it? Seeing the potential after the divorce is bringing life to my spirit.

I am tempted to do this once I finally get my life all together and settled. We have never met and I kinda want to see the look in his eye when I thank him.

No, but I understand the sentiment. I mean, let’s make it clear, the AP is a loathsome piece of trash. BUT she took another loathsome piece of trash off my hands. If the two of them hadn’t blown up my marriage, who knows how many more years I would have wasted with my ex. Life is SO GOOD now. When I was in the thick of things after d-day, I never would have believed it, but it’s true. And looking at my marriage, compared to my life now post divorce? Not enough money in the world to trade what I have now for what I had before d-day.

Oh, I've considered this. But most are out of state, so letters are my only option.

I need to feel something besides "mehhhh" about the whole thing, though, in order to compose these letters. I've considered a form style letter, with the name of AP left blank, as there are so many. Then filling in the names with blue ink.

At the bottom, I would cc all the other AP's and their addresses and phone numbers, so that they would each know who the others are.

I might still do it, once my divorce is final. Mehhhh, we'll see.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:32 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]

A little bit. Very interesting question. I'm grateful that this happened when we don't have kids and I didn't make any more changes for the sake of her happiness.

See, the pattern of our relationship was that I'll make sacrifices for the sake of her career because "that's what you're supposed to do when you're in a marriage." But it wasn't reciprocated. She was the driving force and I was the one being driven. The way this relationship was going, I can easily see this happening after 10-12 more yrs. But by then I would've been stuck someplace I don't like with a mediocre career tending to her needs and with kids in the mix. Now that would have killed me.

This gives me a chance to reset my priorities and conclusively start over. I generally find it hard to let things go. But seeing as I'm not tied to her in any way makes it much more palatable. If we had kids I would be one of those bitter ex husband who cause drama for everyone.

[This message edited by Rustylife at 10:07 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]

Oh, I definitely thought of it. Unfortunately, last OW left him six months after I kicked him out. Guess it wasn't twu lurvvvee after all!

I did find out he apparently got married recently to a non-AP victim. I thought seriously about sending a congratulations card with a handwritten thank you to her for taking his unwanted attention off me. But then I thought I might be stirring the pot and, if she finds out his history, she might bolt and run. That would put me back in his focus, and that's the LAST thing I want!

Best to let sleeping dogs lay...

Nope. She is still messing around being the pseudo-stepmother to my kids. She gave my son a guilt trip because he told her he loved me more than her. Fuck that bitch!

For OW who are out of the picture post-separation/divorce, I can see it, though.

adaira

I am laughing reading what you wrote and I realized I never hardly even smiled when I was with him, much less laughed.

I do agree with you about the sentiment.

But the sentiment only...

It does help to picture trash taking out the trash tho.

I did the day the D was final. I walked across the street and told him told him thank you because I cant imagine spending 10, 15 or 20 more years and then finding out who she is.

I would hug her moronic friend who texted her that fateful day about the affair and effectively spilled the beans.

As for AP? I'm reaching indifference. I certainly don't feel thankful that he f*cked over two entire families. On the other hand, since D-Day I've come to realize that STBXW had him wrapped around her finger, and quite likely would have found someone else to help her do the same.

Life is SO GOOD now. When I was in the thick of things after d-day, I never would have believed it, but it’s true. And looking at my marriage, compared to my life now post divorce? Not enough money in the world to trade what I have now for what I had before d-day.

Me too! But to thank her I would have to see her face and it's been a while. Just to mess with her I would always say hello when I see her in the building that I work in. She has to come her occasionally for her job. Now she manages to scuttle around without walking past my office.

I have no idea where the AP is, nor do I care to find out. She was out of the picture 6 months after the D was final.

However, my SO wanted to send my XWH a thank you card. He mentioned it several times. I told him it would be bad form but I appreciated the sentiment.

NL

No way!! Lets be clear here. It takes two to tangle. So although you got rid of a terrible spouse, the AP is no Angel.

The AP went after a married person. That is low and pathetic. So although we may feel that we are now out of a toxic relationship, it shouldn't have been by way of an affair. The AP is still a POS.

I would but the price of postage these days, whew! Lol.

While it was accidental, I had shown up a bit early to pick up my son (pre my getting custody) and I smiled and greeted him like a great friend from the past.He was a little shocked, to say the least, but the man did me a big favor and why should I despise him for that?

I know what he was expecting but he wasn't the one I was married to, so he got the VIP treatment.

Never saw him again but to this day, 23 years later, I still consider him a great man.