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After reading so many other stories here on SI, I would think this wouldn’t come as a shock. Apparently, it’s textbook behavior for any WS.

Anyway, Yesterday, I got the “I’m sad, I’m thinking about you, You’re on my mind often, I’m no longer romantically involved with the AP (doesn’t exactly sound like NC), I’m not ready for a divorce” text. 🤦🏽‍♀️ She admitted that she’s still drinking and is “not stable”. I got no response when I asked if she was still in therapy.

She basically pulled the rug out from under me and the family, and I’m supposed to respond to this how? She’s already moved out and I’m about to move next week. I have ZERO plans of feeding this, but WHY and Why Now?

I suspect with the holidays approaching they are seeing the difference between this year and last, afraid for next year.

Good job not feeding it. She deserves to feel whatever she is feeling now, and you deserve peace

Keep NC. That text is all about her. She is not safe for you. Continue with your plans of putting yourself first. You've got this.

She basically pulled the rug out from under me and the family, and I’m supposed to respond to this how?

With crickets. I wouldn't even consider talking to her unless and until she was sober for a good chunk of time. And, I don't mean just not drinking. I mean in treatment, going to AA meetings regularly and having a sponsor. Regardless of anything else she has or has not done, she's not a safe, healthy partner as long as she is drinking.

Don't respond.

You are doing great considering the circumstances.

Forge ahead for your own sanity.

Remember NC also means no new hurts.

It's clear the "other" deal didn't work out. She was throw away the whole time and thought she had a better new gig. She's been dumped. They may still hook up here and there for romps as a GF, but that's it.

With the holidays and all, she feels very very alone.

Keep up with your current plan. She has a long way to go before you should consider changing course.

No remorse in one word.

“I’m not ready fir a divorce”. “I’m thinking of you”. Blah blah blah

She basically pulled the rug out from under me and the family, and I’m supposed to respond to this how?

No you’re not supposed to respond. Don’t. If you really want to respond say something like “it sounds like you’re in a somewhat healthier place than when you were committing adultery. I wish the very best for your new life.”

This is classic plan A/ plan B cake eating. She’s coming back to you now because her affair fantasy didn’t work out. Don’t engage.

You could also say “you might not ready for divorce. But I am. As in yesterday. Let’s accelerate the divorce decree so we can both get on with our lives.”

Just say or do nothing. This is her way to try to control you as a last gasp. Don't fall for this bullshit.

I think she’s trying to see if he still has any chance with you to reconcile.

As if you want to be her plan B. Typical cheater move.

Yes it's classic textbook bullshit.

Now go back and re read it for what it is.

"I'm sad and alone and broken but am unwilling to do any real work to fox myself. I want someone else to make me happy".

To hell with that. Focus on you and the awesome work you have done in such a short time.

(((And strength))))

Well everyone, that didn’t last very long. This evening, I ran to our local grocery store, and apparently she saw me. I immediately got a text that said, is that you driving an Audi? (Yes, I treated myself to the car that I originally wanted 😁

She says, “I thought you were broke?! Well since you’re rolling like that, you can pay half of these bills”. I simply did not respond, but I could not believe the audacity again, that I was not entitled to spend my money the way I chose to. I am increasingly becoming more and more happy about my decision to let this go. She’s up one day, down the next. I guess I wasn’t supposed to move on, and MoveOn well.

I don't understand what bills she wanted you to pay half of. Her personal bills now that you are separate?

Didn’t she pull a bunch of money out of your joint accounts?

Please see who this person is: a selfish and manipulates user. Do not be a resource for this narcissist.

@Faithfulman, She wants me to pay half of the bills accrued during the marriage, which I don’t necessarily have a problem with, except she wants it all now, and she knows that I just started working. My friends are telling me that she’s being petty and is jealous, and does not like the fact that I’m doing well and not depending on her anymore.

It's nice to want...........

Gettins a different story

UPDATE- i ran into my WS as I was leaving the mall today. I was walking, and she was in her car. She pulls around, blocked my car in, with her son in the backseat. Says hello, I said hello, and she reaches out and grabs my hand and goes on and on about how much she misses me. Had the nerve to ask me for a kiss. LOL. I told her sorry, you have a girlfriend, and this is absolutely not going to happen. She goes on to say that she doesn’t have a girlfriend, and I said you did 2 weeks ago when you were in San Diego, visiting the AP. I go on to say that I have to pick up my son, and to take care of herself. I was really ready to go.

She looked absolutely sad and pitiful. What kind of person am I to actually feel sorry for her?

BTW, She has yet to apologize, or say that she was sorry.

[This message edited by Virgo911 at 8:56 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]

“I’m sad, I’m thinking about you, You’re on my mind often, I’m no longer romantically involved with the AP (doesn’t exactly sound like NC), I’m not ready for a divorce”

As you've said, she sits on a throne of lies. My WW wasn't romantically involved with the AP for much of the last two years, but she was emotionally and tried to resume their "platonic" friendship and kept failing. If she has nothing to do with the person, it's really easy to just say that. Anything else is a bald faced lie with a sugar coated toupee.

With the holidays and all, she feels very very alone.

IMO they deserve every second of it. Being the betrayed spouse/partner is a very lonely position to be thrust into. My WW cannot be alone with herself and relies on other people to make her happy...I want to laugh sometimes because she doesn't know what's it like to be really alone.